The other night I went out to dinner with a friend and we got to talking about when we came out and how exciting that time was for us. I can remember feeling giddy and excited about life-even though I was 25, I felt just like a teenager again.

I can remember feeling like I had entered a whole new world that I had never known about before. All of a sudden a light bulb had gone off and I finally understood what everyone had been talking about for years. I thought I had liked men and was attracted to them, I mean, everyone else was so I should have been too right?

When I realized that I liked women, in that moment, it was like time stopped. How had I never known this before? In that moment I was so sure and it made such sense, I couldn't believe that this was a surprise to me. Five years later, I am still surprised that it took me so long. I am a lesbian, the signs were there from early childhood, but I never made the connections.

This past week I also attended a training on teaching students with learning disabilities in which the facilitator literally conducted a lesson that a room full of educators participated in. As a group, we were given a few directions on how to complete the lesson and what the expectations were. Like the obedient educators we are, we followed his directions completely.

At the end of the lesson, the facilitator asked us why we did not deviate from his expectations. Yes he had given us some specific rules to follow but aside from those rules, there had been no other expectations. As he asked us, we began to laugh because admittedly deviating from the exact outlined expectations had never even occurred to us.

Upon leaving work, I thought more about why people tend to follow the path that is laid out for them, rather than taking a less trod path or even blazing a path of their own. I thought about myself and the path I had taken to discovering my true sexuality and how bumpy and curvy it had been. Yes I agree that it is the journey that is important, not the destination, and no I have no regrets; but all the same, knowing that there were other paths I could have taken would have been a relief for me.

Sure there have been trailblazers, thank goodness for them, who have forged paths where there were none. Maybe I should have been more self reliant and found my own path even when I felt that there wasn't one provided to me.

I cannot blame society, and that is not my intention, but I can point out this simple fact: today, there are still thousands of individuals, like myself ten years ago, that do not know that living a homosexual lifestyle is an option for them. Furthermore, there are many that are told that they cannot participate in this lifestyle or there will be grave consequences for there are many that still belief that there is only one path that everyone should follow.

I have written on the importance of coming out and acknowledging all forms of sexual identity but there are still many who believe that this information is not important and should not be discussed. Once again, I argue that it is. Knowing that there are multiple different sexual identities and affiliations could spare many questioning individuals years of confusion, fear and shame.

This society is filled with both direct as well as indirect messages promoting heterosexual lifestyles which as a result suggests that this is the preferred or expected sexual identity to identify as. What many people don't understand is that at some point everyone comes out at least once in his or her life. From engagement announcements to introducing a partner, any time someone speaks about his or her partner, that person is declaring his or her sexuality. In this society, declaring heterosexuality is not seen as declaring a sexuality however; this is just the expected behavior.

Along these lines, there are many that argue homosexual or transgender lifestyles should not be discussed with children because they are too impressionable. Speaking from experience, some part of me knew I was attracted to girls at a very young age and I had no idea what a homosexual was. Exposing children to homosexual lifestyles does not cause harm, attempting to deter them from what feels natural is.

Opponents are right, children are impressionable. They look to their family, friends and loved ones to teach and direct them. Children are simple. If they are taught to love, then they will love. If they are taught to hate well then they will hate. Not only will children learn to hate others but they also may learn to hate themselves as well. I know many that have hated themselves because they did not fit into the expected path that was laid out before them.

Diversity is a beautiful thing and society should reflect the diversity of those that live within it. Every option should be discussed so that those who know they are on a different path, they will not feel abnormal or like a freak. Not all people walk along the same path of life and this should be celebrated, not feared. And once that path has been walked upon, each step should be celebrated and supported with love, even though the path may be different.

Mia

Dear Michael Sam,

I wanted to take the time to thank you for your strength and courage. You dedicated your life to the sport you love and despite the known culture, you chose to honor yourself despite certain pervasive opinions.

Your sexuality should not matter. What matters is that you were the defensive player of the year in the college league and that honor speaks for itself. Your talent and ability is known around the nation.

Your declaration defied and dispelled many stereotypes and began the process of changing hearts and opening minds. You were the first of your kind to speak up and speak out and you did so eloquently and bravely.

When you were drafted to the Rams, my heart exploded for you and my faith in your sporting institution was somewhat revived. You public display of affection, though widely debated and denounced, showed the nation that it was just that: a public display of love. Not an act of violence or abuse, but rather an intimate moment between you and the one you love.

I thank you for bearing the burden of having your private life being the topic of conversation despite all the talent that you possess. I thank you for speaking your truth and becoming a role model for those to aspire and look up to. I thank you for not giving up and for challenging entrenched mentalities and beliefs.

Thank you for all that you have done and for being who you are.

Mia

Check out my newest piece written for SheRights :)

http://sherights.com

Largest Study of Its Kind Reveals that Children of Same-Sex Couples Thrive

By Guest on July 8, 2014 • ( 0 )

Results from a recent study suggests that children raised by same-sex parents fare just as well as, if not better than, children raised by heterosexual couples.
The study — the largest of its kind — was conducted by University of Melbourne researchers and followed 315 same-sex couples, primarily lesbians, and their 500 children, comparing their wellbeing to that of the general Australian population. According to the study’s lead researcher, Simon Crouchfound, “children from same-sex families scored, on average, 6% better on two key measures, general health and family cohesion, even when controlling for a number sociodemographic factors such as parent education and household income. But on most health measures, including emotional behaviour and physical functioning, there was no difference when compared with children from the general population.”

Image credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/picsfromj/624548713

To me, this is a ‘no-brainer’. First and foremost, children raised in any environment of love and stability are more than likely going to thrive physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I teach ‘at-risk’ populations of high school students and having one, let alone two, loving and committed parents is unfortunately very hard to find. These students experience myriad challenges, from homelessness and poverty, to drug use and prostitution.
There is one student in particular who comes to mind. He grew up in the foster care system and bounced from family to family. Due to his constantly changing environments, he experienced many difficulties throughout every aspect of his life. The turning point for him? When he was adopted by a gay male couple who finally provided him the safety and stability he had been severely lacking. He graduated this past spring. Their desire to become parents was the deciding factor in this young man’s life.
I do not believe that homosexual people are innately better at parenting than heterosexual individuals. However, the fact that same-sex couples are unable to reproduce on their own sets them apart – in more ways beyond the biological.
I have heard many times that the best thing about gay or lesbian sex is the lack of ‘mistakes’, ‘surprises’ or ‘accidents’ that can result. For many, this is a sigh of relief; but for others, a frustration beyond compare. To me, creating a life with your partner seems like an incredibly romantic idea because no matter how hard we try, my partner and I will never be able to create a life between just the two of us.
Being unable to create a life unassisted is the reality for all same-sex couples. Because of this, same-sex couples must plan and work in order to become parents. From in-vitro fertilization to adoption or surrogacy, there are no unplanned pregnancies for same sex couples.
Perspective is powerful. I have had heterosexual friends create a life that they considered to be a mistake and admittedly did not want to bring into the world; but they did. These individuals have admitted that there were not ready or wanting to become a parent. They had no desire.
Conversely, every same-sex couple I know that has started a family experienced months to years of discussing options, ‘trying’ to get pregnant via insemination or IVF, or experiencing multiple home visits and interviews from adoption and/or foster care agencies.No matter the obstacles and disappointments they faced, their desire to become parents overcame their frustrations.
I believe that any parent with the desire to raise and love a child will produce the safest and warmest environment for that growing life. It has been my experience, from living within a Queer environment, that no same-sex couples have taken being a parent for granted. Rather, the lack of natural ability seems to have fueled the desire to become a parent.
This study affirms what I’ve long believed: that nurture — not nature — is the defining characteristic of successful parenting. Regardless of one’s sexual orientation.
About the author: Mia Furtado is originally from the Bay Area in California but currently resides in Denver, Colorado. When Mia is not teaching high school special education, she spends her time reading, writing or involving herself in anything causing a ruckus.

In order for change to occur, a paradigm must be changed.

I have recently taken on a small side business and changing paradigms is at the center of many trainings. Since this principle has been introduced to me, I began thinking about how the LGTBQIA community has been changing paradigms.

Change is not easy and many people are afraid of and resist change. People get comfortable in what is used to status quo, even when status quo is not great. 

The LGTBQIA movement has been and continues to change established status quo all over the world which had been unsettling for individuals, families, governments and countries. From legalizing same sex marriage to the recognition of third gender, to the removal of mental illness classification to the decriminalization of certain sexual acts, this movement had been increasing exposure and equality for a vast minority of people worldwide. Personal paradigms have been and are changing and thus societies have as well.

In this country, from the Mattachine Society to the Stonewall Riots and Harvey Milk to Edie Falco, groups and individuals are no longer satisfied living in the status quo of inequality and injustice that the LGTBQIA community has historically experienced and are demanding change. From Barack Obama to Judy Shepard, family members and other straight allies are speaking out, drafting executive orders and standing up change. From the small pizza shops in Arizona to the NFL that have helped encouraged governors and legislators refrain from passing discriminatory legislation. They have changed paradigms.

Full equality has yet to be achieved and discrimination still runs rampant; but, huge changed has occurred in that members of the LGTBQIA community no longer have to live in the closet. Even prime time television has changed and our stories are no longer deamed inappropriate for children as they can even be seen on basic cable every evening. From 'Modern Family' to 'The Fosters' and 'Glee', issues concerning coming out to identifying as transgender to showing how 'normal' life living with two moms or two dads is, are central to these show's story lines.

Many traditionally conservative individuals have admitted that their paradigm was changed when they personally knew someone who came out. People who once believed that all gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer or intersex individuals were sinners and damned for Hell. People who believed that all LGTBQI individuals were pedophiles, perpetrators or perverts. Minds and hearts have been changed through personal encounters and stories.

For those who have had the courage to acknowledge a change in their own paradigm. For realizing and accepting that he, she or xe might not live the life he, she or xe expected or was planned out for he, she or xe. For those who have had the courage to change a family member's, boss', friend's, coworker's, teacher's, institution's or society's paradigm. 

Happy pride y'all

Mom and Dad,

I am writing you this letter because I have something very important that I want to tell you and I want to get this out right. Before you worry,

everything is OK. In fact, I am more than alright.

I know this may come as a bit of a shock to you (or maybe not). I love both of you so much. What I want to tell you is that I am gay. Before either

of you have the chance to blame yourselves, I need you to understand that this has nothing to do with the way that I was raised or with you as

parents.

I have been struggling with this for years and a have finally come to terms with who I truly am. I know that you may have imagined a different life

for me, and I cannot help but imagine that there is some disappointment. But things (equal rights) are changing for the better every day. Maybe

you are you thinking to yourselves, “Gay children are something other people have, but not us.” That’s okay. I don’t expect you to come around

immediately. You can still love me and have trouble initially accepting who I love. What I do need for you to understand is that this was not a

choice. It is who I am.

I am sorry that I am writing this in a letter. It is not because I feel that I cannot talk about my feelings to you directly, but because I believe that

I will be able to better express my thoughts through my words written on paper. I understand that all of this information may be overwhelming

and quite a bit for you to take in, and I’m sorry if this causes you any unnecessary stress, but I’m tired of living according to what others think is the

right way to live. I've had years to think about this, and I have accepted myself as a gay woman.

I thought if I met the ‘right’ man I would fall in love, marry, etc. After some time of soul searching I HAVE discovered what I am really looking for.

My relationship with Justin was nice, I was sure that what I felt towards him was the kind of love that is felt between two individuals in a healthy

relationship. And I’ll admit that I might have pushed myself into the relationship because I was desperate to find love. Even though at times I was

happy, I more often than not, felt lost. I so desperately wanted us to work and to be able to live “happily ever after,” but in the end neither of us

could force it or fake it anymore. There was no electricity or magic. I felt alone, even though I was with someone who cared about me.

I don’t know why it took me this long to come to the realization that I am gay and I am not going to look back and ask why. It is just the way that

it happened and the way that I have always seemed to do things. My situation is not unique. There are a number of people who later in life who

discover their genuine self and realize that it is never too late to be happy.

I know society often argues that homosexuality is wrong because of what the Bible says. Leviticus may say that homosexuality is a sin which is

punishable by death, and we seem to accept the idea that homosexuality is still a sin today. Yet, Leviticus also says that it is a sin to have children

that are disobedient, to wear clothes of mingled fibers, to cut your hair or beard, or to touch/eat any sort of shellfish. Matthew says that divorce

is a sin of sexual immortality. Some of these sins are said to be punishable by death (including cursing your mother or father). These are laughable

notions this day in age so why would we view loving someone of the same sex any differently?

I love you both, with all of my heart, and I hope that you both can find it in yourselves to continue to love and support me, even if you don't

approve. I have so many worries rushing though my head and heart right now. I’m terrified of being pushed out of your lives. I’m worried about

hurting or disappointing you. Mostly though, I hope that you will accept me and love me no matter what.

You have told me that you are proud of me and I have grown up to be a good person, daughter, niece, cousin and friend. I hope you still feel this

way. I am the same person as before. Nothing else has changed. This is very hard for me to do, and I hope you will forgive me for not telling you

sooner. Please know that I would never do anything to purposely hurt you, and that I want nothing less than to make you happy and proud. I am

still the exact same person who helps Mom pack her suitcase for trips and who watches and loves the pups while you are out of town. I’m still the

same daughter who painted Dad’s garden rocks and helped when he had his shoulder surgeries. I’m the same Brooke that y’all have always known

and loved.

I am sure you both will have many questions to ask of me; and I assure you, I don't have all or even most of the answers. I understand if you need

some time, I have taken years to come to terms and make peace with this. So, I completely respect if you need some time to think things through.

I love you both so very much.

Love Always,

Brooksie

In response to the critics of Richard Stearns and World Vision

I used to be one too. I used to be a fundamentalist, right wing conservative Christina. Homosexuality was a definite 'no-no'. Divorce nope. Drinking? No thank you.

Then tragedy hit.

When tragedy hit me, I had a choice to make. Run from God, or, lean into Him. I leaned into Him and in the process found something unexpected. See, my tragedy came in the form of divorce. I was married at 21 to the Pastor's daughter and then divorced by 23. My world was wrecked. Christians don't get divorced. It is a sin. It is against God's will and divorce just doesn't happen.

Well it did. During this time of darkness, I sought to understand who God really was, because up to this point in my life, God was a god of rights and wrongs. Do this, and you get this. Don't do this and you get punished. I came to find this view of God to be extremely distorted, not Biblical and toxic. This view of God is what has caused wars, strife and has torn people apart. I was judged for getting divorced. I did not apply to jobs and graduate schools because they would not accept a Christian divorcee. I was crushed.

Yet, in the midst of it, God gave me peace and intimacy. He revealed Himself to me in a way very few get to experience. He showed me that He is a God of mercy, grace, compassion and love - a love that we can never fully grasp or understand.

Yesterday, I opened up Christianitytoday.com and the first article was concerning Richard Stearns and World Vision's choice to include to employ homosexual couples who were in legal, same-sex marriages. This article was about 5 pages long, but I did not even read the first page. I knew what the article was going to be about and honestly I was extremely excited that a major Christian organization was taking this stance. What I did do however, was skip down to read the multitude of comments written by people, all of which were against Stearns' stance. To say that I was appalled would be an understatement. Some of the statements I read consisted of:


'You better start hiring the atheist to preach devilish sermons & worship in the church you attend. And you better do it fast, because they will be lobbying against your organization; real soon.'

'Another sold out organization. Christina gays is an oxymoron. Lukewarm'

'World Vision is now one of the casualties of the compromise with evil that is occurring in our society. They are no longer a source for truth and are not worthy of any kind of support from Bible-Believing Christians.'

'As there is no Christianity, Not believing in Christ, there is no Christianity. Homosexuality. The Bible is clear!! Prayfully!!'


Is this really what Jesus would say to World Vision? Is this what He would say to millions of homosexuals in America? What about the millions of homosexuals who are professing Christians?

In Matthew 9, Jesus calls Matthew, the tax collector, to be His disciple. Immediately, Matthew obliges and begins to follow Jesus. Jesus, so ecstatic with Matthew's acceptance of His invitation to follow Him, (tax collectors had terrible reputations and there was not a much lower career to have. '...the occupation was traitorous enough even when they did not charge excessive fees to line their own pockets.'), that he invites him to dinner along with some other associates. Eating dinner was anything but insignificant in ancient Israel. Dinner was considered to be an intimate experience as can be seen by the translation, 'usually implied an endorsement of the practices of those with whom one associated.' Here, Jesus is not 'endorsing' Matthew and his career. Jesus does not endorse prostitutes and their line of work; He does not endorse women at the well and her having had multiple husbands. No, what Jesus is doing is endorsing them on the basis of their faith in Him. He is endorsing the relationship He has with them. He is endorsing them on the sole fact that He loves them, created them, and would soon sacrifice Himself for them. He is endorsing them because of who He is and for what He has done for them.

Moving on, the Pharisees question who Jesus is having dinner with. How does Jesus respond? By using the Old Testament against them.  'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' This passage is found in Hosea 6:6, a book that has more theological implications about Christ's love for mankind than just about any other. Hosea is told to consistently, compassionately and lovingly pursue his adulterous wife. This is a complete metaphor for Christ's love us.

In this book, God is saying, 'I could care less about your Torah-piety, about your traditions, and about your animal sacrifices. No, I care about your love for me and your mercy, love and compassion for others.' This passage is, 'the application of a fundamental moral principal of the OT that continues throughout the new age that Jesus is inaugurating.' God desired mercy over sacrifice during the time of Moses when He first initiated the sacrificial, covenant system; so how much more mercy does He require of us in a time where Christ has accomplished the ultimate sacrifice?

What does this mean? Well for one, we must stop seeking to place our Bible-piety over love and mercy. We do it every single day. We must stop criticizing organizations that are seeking to show love, mercy, compassion, inclusion and justice in the name of Jesus just because we believe the people they are protecting are living in sin. We would rather be a Pharisee on the outside, pointing the finger at Jesus, when He would be the one inviting gays to dinner and offering them jobs to serve Him. Really??

Lastly, we MUST get to know the gay community. We fear what we do not know. We condemn what we believe to be Biblically wrong; yet, we don't even take the time to get to know these individuals. Do you think you are bringing more homosexuals to Christ by pointing out their sin? I promise you, all you are doing is making it harder for the rest of the Christian world who has to clean up your mess.

When I graduate college my first job was at an inner-city charter school in the northeast side of Denver. I had never really befriended any gay individuals before and so while I toted my Biblical rhetoric around, I still had not really conversed with anyone who identified as homosexual. Yet, as God would have it, about the same time as "my darkness' was occurring, I found myself working alongside many homosexual co-workers. What was I to do? Bang the Bible over their heads? Recommend them to a Christian conversion camp? Be an intolerable co-worker because I fundamentally did not agree with their lifestyle?

Instead, I chose to love. Now I am not saying this to place myself on a pedestal; but more because as I have said, God was simultaneously working on my own heart and revealing His true identity to me. I saw God's grace and mercy like I never had before, and I saw it extend to the lowest in our society, both physically as well as spiritually. I chose to love these co-workers. I got to know them and hear their stories. I heard their horror stories of how the church had rejected and condemned them. My heart broke for them and I genuinely wanted them to know God's undying love for them, whether they were straight, gay bi-sexual, transgender, whatever. I wanted them to know that God's love extended past what anyone said or did.

One of my co-workers who was gay had a dad who was a pastor. I could not believe it. I was shocked and obviously my first question was "How does your dad feel?" My co-worker shared that at first, her father was confused, unforgiving and hateful. As time passed however, hew grew to continue to love and encourage his daughter as Christ would. He encouraged her to continue to seek Christ in the midst of her sexuality, and wherever He took her, well that was between them.

I have worked at two schools now, both inner-city, both working with extremely difficult students who come from difficult situations. Many of our students come from gang infested neighborhoods and homes. It matters where you live, the colors your wear and what hood you 'rep'. On the other hand, some come from struggling Christian families that are as devout as they come. Regardless of many of these students or their backgrounds, I have been able to witness some incredible things taking place. I have been able to see students who are so hard on the exterior, extend a hand of love and compassion to homosexual teachers and students. I have seen hardened gang members grow even more protective of their family member who is a homosexual man. I have seen devout, African-American Christian students show nothing but love and mercy to their gay peers and educators. Why is it that the church seeks to shoot the wounded more than any other organization or institution in the world?? Why can't the church adopt this model of love and compassion that these students have exhibited?

As I write this, I am almost trembling for a couple of different reasons. One, I am afraid. I am afraid of how many Christian peers will react. I am afraid of how people I look up to, who have mentored me, who have guided me, will perceive this. I am afraid how the overall Christian community will slander this, cite scripture after scripture and will pass over Jesus' most important words of 'Do not judge,' 'Love the Lord and your neighbor as yourself.

Secondly, I am trembling out of anger. I am fuming. I am so angry because I must apologize to some family members and close friends who are homosexual because they have to deal with the daily and constant barrage of hate, bigotry and slander from Christian Americans. I am angry because we have become a church that has created a hierarchical establishment of sin. We view homosexuality, abortion, premarital sex, debauchery, adultery, murder and many other sins as much worse than our lies, lusts, greed, envies and most of all our JUDGEMENT.

I get sad when I look into a kid's eyes in the juvenile detention center where I am Associate Chaplain and know they don't believe that God can forgive them for all the wrong they have done. I get sad when homosexuals believe that God truly hates them for who they believe they are. This is a product of the "God" we have created. A 'blessings' and 'cursing' type of God. This is wrong. Once again, this is not Biblical.

Honestly, after all of these words I have written, I don't know where I stand on the issue of homosexuality. I have heard profound theological arguments on both sides from people much smarter than me. I just don't know. I know that Jesus does not talk about homosexuality once, but He sure does talk about loving Him and everyone around us quite a bit. I even asked my wife last night, 'Do we have it wrong? Are we viewing this issue of homosexuality wrong?' She responded with, 'I choose to believe that God is a god of love. He loves people where they are at and anything that proposes something different is not from God.' Thus, I am choosing to respond as she has. As Philip Yancey has said regarding his long time friend that is homosexual, 'Even if I conclude that all homosexual behavior is wrong, as many conservative Christians do, I am still compelled to respond with love.' And as Pope Francis has said, 'Who am I to judge?' I am asking all of your who read this to do the same.

My hope in all of this is for the Christian to not just be 'accepting'. As any individual, we don't just want to be accepted, we want to feel loved and welcomed. Same goes for homosexuals. It is not enough to just accept them, but to love them as they are in the midst of everything. My hope is that the Christian community will cease in taking up arms against this debate over same-sex marriage, over who to employ and who not to employ, who should be in our churches and should not; and rather take up arms about much graver issues like helping the poor, the disenfranchised, the imprisoned, the widowed, the orphaned, the outcast. I want to see the Christian community get passionate about these issues.... One day, I hope we get there.

Preston

As Day of Silence approaches, I have been thinking a lot about voice and the power that comes with it. Day of Silence honors those voices that were closeted or silenced and ignored and forgotten.

Over the past year I have been given the gift of being reminded of the importance of my voice and encouraged never give into silence. The eternal optimist, I automatically believe in the innate good in everyone, despite the actual reality that may be presented to me. Throughout this past year, I have been using my voice more than I have in my life. I have been speaking my truth even against the advice of others. I have experienced first hand and by observation that this society does not value or appreciate the 'whistle blower' and because of this, many people choose to stay silent because of potential repercussions.

There is something that seems greater than myself that has been driving my voice. Not to forsake responsibility but I do not seem to know how to stay silent. Since before I can remember, I have always championed the underdog and my mother has reflected many times that at an early age I possessed more empathy than was possibly healthy for a child. Justice, fairness and equality, in my humble opinion, should be automatic givens. To everyone. Everywhere. If I feel that people are not being treated equally, I cannot seem to stay quiet.

My voice has gotten me into trouble many times. From losing friends to almost losing jobs, the repeated message that has been relayed to me both directly and indirectly is that I should keep my mouth shut. Not only have I received this message externally, but internally many times I have told myself this as well. Because of the push-back and judgement that I have received from speaking my truth, I have grown tired. Tired of being the 'whistler blower' and especially tired of whistle blowing by myself. Now I know that I cannot pressure anyone else to speak up and out and I cannot put my expectations on anyone else, but I have often desired for someone else to either speak our first or to join me in my speech. Rarely have I felt the pleasure of other company.

A gift that I have been given this past year, for which I am overly thankful, is to have worked alongside a woman who also speaks her truth and possibly louder than I if that's possible. When I have felt cynical, pessimistic and tired, she has reminded me that my voice is a gift that should be given. Not that my job is to proselytize or convert, but rather to inform. More importantly, my voice is my gift to my self and I should never deprive myself of that.

This co teacher has reminded me that from truth can come change and this world constantly needs change. Through change we can only better ourselves, others, society and the world. My colleague has reminded me of the power and privilege of having my voice and the gift that can result.

I have often felt frustrated that I have had to educate and eradicate ignorance by constantly retelling my story. I have taken it upon myself in my life to educate myself no matter the circumstance and never have I done so at the expense of another person. My frustration lies in the fact that it seems as though so many do not educate themselves willingly and when they do it is at the expense of others. Be this as it may, my co teacher has reminded me that this cross that I bear is more than a gift than a cross.

Another surprise reminder that was given to me this week was a hand made rainbow poster with the quote 'hope will never be silent' by Harvey Milk from one of my straight students. Of course this gift was given to me when I needed it most. When I was at my most tired and when I was ready to give up this student surprised me with a truly touching gift for no apparent reason at all.

Because Day of Silence is coming, when so many have been silenced, when so many sacrificed their health, well being and lives so that they (and ultimately me) could have a voice? Why would I do that to myself? Why would I give into those that want me silenced and want my voice quieted? Do I not have an obligation to speak my truth? To educate? To make change?

A voice honors oneself and those that have come before and fought for that voice. Your voice is a gift.

Mia

Today I witnessed power. Today I witnessed strength. Today I witnessed courage. Today I witnessed love.

I have been teaching at my current school for eight months now. When I got hired this summer, there was one student who sat on my student interview panel. I could tell immediately that this student was direct, the kind that said what was on her mind with absolutely no sugar coating whatsoever. Once I was hired, she approached me immediately and asked if I was going to facilitate the GSA.

I'm not sure if she was comfortable outing herself to me because she knew I am a lesbian but she immediately disclosed her sexuality to me. I didn't think twice when she brought her girlfriend to Family Night at work but I was told by staff that have worked at our school longer than I have that this was the first time she felt comfortable enough to bring her girlfriend, hold her hand in public and refer to her as 'girlfriend.'

Today, this student graduated. Part of the graduation process at my school is to give a presentation on projects that the student completed while at school and this student presented her history essay on the experiences of LGTBQI students in the United States.

What was amazing about today's presentation is that her entire family was in attendance-the same family that has repeatedly condemned her and her sexuality. Her girlfriend was also present today and she said the word 'girlfriend' multiple times in front of her family.

This presentation was extremely personal for this student. She spoke about her own challenges of not feeling safe and accepted and the battle she fought over coming out to herself and family. The graduation presentation does not require such a personal presentation, but the student chose by herself to present her most personal project to a room of twenty adults.

To continue with my last entry's theme, the importance of coming out is this: we come out ultimately for ourselves. Not everyone will accept us for who we are: fact. At the end of the day however, the most important thing is that we accept ourselves for ourselves. Today, there was visible proof that this student has truly accepted herself for who she is, sexuality included.

While practicing for this presentation, this student disclosed that she used to use drugs, ditch school, cut herself and even contemplated taking her own life because she did not accept herself. Two weeks ago Charlotte Dawson tragically took her own life as a result of cyber bullying. Just last week the Ugandan president signed legislation officially criminalizing homosexuality. The reality is that there are still people, states, governments, and countries that are prejudiced against the LGTBQI community and actively working to restrict rights and privileges.

Because of today's realities, the fact remain that coming out is difficult. It is difficult because as has been the case for this student, she has been rejected, judged, verbally abused and ridiculed simply for being who she is. No straight children have been kicked out of their homes for being straight. No parents have tried to convert their kids for liking kids of the opposite sex.

Today, this student loved herself. She loved herself in front of teachers, school board members and her family. A family that has not always shown love to her. A family that she chose to invite to her graduation presentation and include in an extremely personal project. A subject so personal they have still yet to accept this part of her. Ultimately she invited them because according to her at the end of the day to her, family is the most important aspect of her life. She has continued to show love to her family even when they have not reciprocated.

Like so many of us, this student struggled for some time to come to a level of acceptance with her sexuality because of the discrimination and prejudice she experienced. The fear and struggle that she felt was real. Not made up, not exaggerated, not embellished. She was made to believe on numerous occasions that there was something not right with her, something sinful, something wrong.

Today, this student was able to stand up in front of confidants, total strangers, and in front of the people who discriminated against her simply because she is who she is and declare that she is 'a gift'. Those were her words. One board member asked what the turning point in her life was and she replied that it was when she realized that she mattered. Every part of her, sexuality and all.

Yes getting to this destination has been more than difficult for her and she has not always shown love to herself which can be seen by her prior actions, but today she was able to. Able to in front of the people that questioned one of the most intimate aspects of her life.

Coming out shows love. Plain and simple. Loving oneself in a world that suggests or down right tells someone that they are wrong can be the most difficult thing in the world. To stand up and say that one loves him, her, their or xe self despite all this prejudice is the best way to fight back. As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, 'Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.'

Mia

In light of the recent stir that has resulted from both Michael Sam and Ellen Page coming out in the past two weeks, I feel it pertinent to discuss the importance of coming out. Before I begin, I firmly believe that one should only ever come out when he, she, they, or xe, are ready and only for him, her, they, xe self. With that being said...

While I would say that the majority of the response to both Michael Sam and Ellen Page coming out has been positive, there still seems to be the pervasive questions of 'why does it matter?' First, let me say that by coming out, no one is inviting another person into his, her, their, xe bedroom. Just like when a hetero cis bodied male refers to his girlfriend or wife, he is not inviting anyone into his bedroom.He is simply stating that he has a female partner. The same rules apply for the LGTBQI community. Announcing that one is gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, asexual does not automatically describe one sex's life. If a person begins to think about that person's sex life simply because he, she, they or xe came out, well then that's the latter person's responsibility and not of the person who came out.

Moving on, the reason why coming out is still so essential today is because in the United States, the majority of the population still assumes that everyone is straight. All the messages that are displayed are hetero centric and only recently are same sex and trans images being represented. Coming out dispels this hetero biased assumption and challenges people to accept and realize that not everyone is cis body and straight.

Watching Ellen Page's six minute speech and hearing her voice quaver, I am reminded of the walk I took with my parents five years ago when I outed myself to them. Coming out, announcing to your parents, friends, your boss and colleagues and to the world is not easy. My parents have lived in the Bay Area for the past forty years and were 1960s hippies and I was still terrified that I would be judged or rejected by them. Yes I should have known better, but because this society still sends the message, both subtly as well as overtly, that one should be hetero sexual, the fear and anxiety that I felt from realizing that I was in fact not straight and wanted to make it known still shook me to my core. When I first realized that I liked girls more than boys, I ignored this realization for years because it was too much to bear at the time.

I had it easy. There are still countless stories both past and present throughout the world of individuals being rejected, scrutinized, beaten, tortured, arrested and killed simply for being who they are. This is still the reality of today. There is still pervasive hate and fear as well as ignorance surrounding the LGTBQI community and I have many personal connections that have not had and continue to not have it easy because of who they are.

As Ellen Page said, 'if we stop being horrible to each other, well then maybe the world will be a better place.' I had a friend ask me if life was really all that hard for the LGTBQI community in light of the progress that has been made in this country and I was taken aback by his question. Yes, despite the huge advances that have been made which are exciting and promising, there are still those that are actively trying to limit and ultimately restrict basic human rights (i.e. the Kansas House Legislature just last week).

Rather than preach about how challenging and downright awful it still can be to be a member of the LGTBQI community, I write tonight in hopes that if people still are curious as to why it matters that people announce who they like and who they are, this post will provide them with answers.

1. Coming out honors and authenticates who one is
There were so many years in which I was dating men that something was always missing. There seemed to be a disconnect between what I was told and envisioned what I should have and what was actually there for me. It was not until I started dating women that this disconnect was no more. Finally everything I wanted was there and I was no longer confused.

People do not exist within this society in bubbles. Sure one can stay closeted or keep one's true self private, but like Ellen Page said, "I am sick of lying by omission." Yes one's sexuality or gender is not the business of anyone else, but because we live in a communal world, the burden of not sharing one's true self with those that matter in their life can lead to what Page called, 'suffering'.

2. Coming out provides hope for others who might be questioning or know they are family
The majority of these country's messages still are hetero centric. Song lyrics, billboards, magazine pictures, relationships in TV and movies, (the list goes on), still portray man and woman and these messages continue to suggest that this is what should be. Knowing that there are actors, teachers, politicians, athletes, musicians, and the like that are members of the LGTBQI family gives people someone to look up to. To relate to. To prove to them that they can be out and successful too. That they are not alone. That they are not a disease, or mistake or abomination.

4. Coming out helps dispel homo/bi/trans phobic stereotypes
Sure there have been shows that portray members of the LGTBQI community but unfortunately the majority of these images are steeped in stereotypes and homophobic caricatures of what a gay man should be. (Think of Jack from 'Will and Grace' or Mitch and Cam from 'Modern Family'). To continue, when these relationships are shown on TV shows, the partners are hardly ever affectionate with one another. Rarely do we see same sex kisses. I can still remember what a big deal it was when Willow and Tara and Jack and Will shared on screen kisses on basic cable TV.

To expand, this country seems to have made progress in same aspects of accepting the LGTBQI community, but within certain categories. The effeminate, gossipy, fabulous gay male best friend is the object of desire for any straight girl. The hot, feminine, 'lipstick' lesbian and her equally as femme girlfriend is the fantasy of most males in this country. The importance of Michael Sam coming out is this: he has blasted apart the stereotype that all gay men are feminine and would rather go shopping than play a sport. Until these stereotypes are no longer, coming out is still important.

The belief that all lesbians are more butch and that all gay men are more effeminate are ignorant beliefs that need to end. Just because a woman has long hair does not mean that she is straight and just because a man gets pedicures does not mean he is gay.

5. Coming out challenges certain discriminatory interpretations of religious texts
Instead of debating homosexuality and religion let me say this: I know many members of the LGTBQI community who devoutly practice and I know many religiously affiliated allies that accept LGTBQI identified people into their religious institutions. Being LGTBQI and/or religious are not mutually exclusive and there are many who are choosing to defy these presumptions.

6. Coming out lessens the stigma
Because of the negative reactions that resulted from Michael Sam coming out in a male athletic world, proves that there is still stigma of homosexuality in that world. The fear that he will check out his teammates in the locker room or that his sexuality will distract the team from the game are both offensive as well as ridiculous. Huge controversy, including sexual assault, domestic violence, murder, animal abuse just to name a few, constantly surrounds both college as well as professional footballs players. If more people come out like Sam did, eventually that stigma will lessen. Hopefully there will be a day in the not so distant future when people no longer have to come out.

7. Coming out challenges ignorant, bigoted, hateful beliefs
Same sex marriage has been legal in the state of Massachusetts for eleven years now and the institution of marriage has not crumbled. Same sex partners have been adopting, fostering, having kids and have not been raping, abusing or teaching them to be gay. LGTBQI teachers are still employed and students are still graduating. Exposure brings education and education brings about acceptance.

8. Coming out promotes acceptance and healing
Coming out exposes members of the LGTBQI community to the hetero community. With exposure comes personal connection and understanding. I have had many students who have said that they hated gay people and when I told them I was gay, at first they were shocked, but then nothing changed. They continued to interact with me just as they had before and some every continued to hug me at the end of everyday.

For some there seems to be a belief that homosexuality is a new revelation and that all of a sudden people are choosing to be gay. There are records of homosexuality throughout all of history and coming out helps challenge this myth.

Acceptance is a powerful tool. When a person accepts him, her their, xe self, the potential is limitless. And when a person comes out and is accepted by the person he, she, they, xe came out to, that act of acceptance can result in confidence. Confidence can inspire others, result in productivity and as well as other positive emotions.

Speaking from experience, I was not accepted at my last place of employment. In fact, I was discriminated against. Because I lived in constant fear and anxiety, I had little desire to contribute, I was not productive, to put it lightly, I was not my best self. I had other concerns that took precedence over teaching well. I was in survival mode. I did not feel safe. In fact I was reminded on three separate occasions, that my employment was at risk. Although I was never accused because of my sexuality, my sexuality was made issue which was the basis of concern of my performance. Not surprising, no one else's sexuality was an issue, even though everyone was having sex with one another at this particular establishment that will not be named....

At my current place of employment however, not only am I accepted, but I am also celebrated. My ideas are heard and valued and at the end of the day, I feel safe. Because I feel safe, I can be my true self and not worry about my safety or well being while at work. I can teach to the best of my ability and I believe that my energy can be a chain reaction. I feel positive and therefore I can pass that on.

9. Coming out challenges for more respectful behavior
With personal connection comes loyalty and respect. I have met so many people that have admitted to saying sexual slurs in the past but after knowing and loving someone that has come out, they themselves have stopped saying those words and have challenged others to do so as well.

10. Coming out promotes inclusion
Anytime a person receives a wedding invitation to a opposite sex wedding or reads about a heterosexual engagement in the newspaper announcement section, this is considered normal within this society. It is expected int his society that everyone will find a partner and settle down and so these sorts of announcements are often encouraged and celebrated. Since heterosexual couples announce their love and invite people in their lives to share in this occasion, should members of the LGTBQI community be allotted the same consideration?

11. Coming out creates reality
Bottom line, we exist. No matter the laws and restrictions, we have been and always will be a part of this world. Fact. Coming out gives voices to our stories and represents us as people. As Michael Bronski argues in his book, 'A Queer History of the United States', LGTBQI people have always existed in and contributed to society, even when their stories have not be told or heard.

12. Coming out is patriotic
I know this last one sounds ridiculous, but hear me out.
This country was founded upon one of the most noble and inclusive ideals that any country was founded upon: equality. This word is found throughout multiple governmental documents and is a theme that throughout history this country has fought for. Fifty years ago a Civil Rights movement was taking place in this country, encouraging Americans to remember and embrace the ideals on which this country was founded. Today, a new Civil Rights movement is being fought once again attempting the remind America about what equality truly looks like and means.

Thousands of LGTBQI men and woman have enlisted, fought and died for this country. Even though these individuals are still denied basic human rights and true equality, they are willing to take the ultimate sacrifice in order to protect the liberty of this country.

My question is this: if coming out isn't a big deal, then why aren't members of the LGTBQI community more visible within society? Why was it such a big deal when Ellen came out years ago? If people really didn't care about people's sexuality, then why isn't there true equality? Why are there so many institutions, both secular and religious, private and public that are continuing to fight so hard to restrict LGTBQI rights?

Rather than question those that are choosing to honor themselves and come out, which means share themselves with the world, question those that challenge these brave people. Question the institutions that are preaching and practicing bigotry and discrimination. Question those that respond with apathy and derision.

I know that this entry has more preaching within the words than story but I will still relay my message of hope. I hope that someday people will no longer have to come out. I hope that someday our society and even our world will be more genuinely accepting of the LGTBQI community. I hope that the discrimination and hate will end. I hope that legal equality will be achieved. These are big hopes for which I hope to see some if not all of them occur in my lifetime. For tonight, my hope is this: that when a person comes out, he, she, they, or xe will be celebrated for the person he, she, they, xe are.

Mia

Today starts the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. For many, the Olympics signifies a celebration of nations coming together in the spirit of competition and having pride in their own countries and athletes performing in the events. This Olympics for others however, has been overshadowed by the laws Putin passed in Russia criminalizing homosexuality.

Brutal footage has been released on the internet of LGTBQI youth being tortured and others of protesters being assaulted under this law. Not only has Putin made homosexuality illegal in Russia, but he has gone as far to say that tourists and athletes themselves will be held to Russian law while visiting the country. Many have argued that Putin's discriminatory actions are a great human rights violation and that the Olympics should be protested and moved from Sochi. A nation criminalizing humans and taking away liberties should not benefit from the lucrative event that is the Olympics.

At first, I was one of the vocal protesters condemning Putin and advocating for a new winter Olympics location. Aside from the monetary gain, the lives of tourists and athletes could be at risk and because of this, nations valuing diversity and accepting all walks of life needed to ensure the safety and protection for those that would not receive these decencies traveling abroad to Russia. I even took it as far to argue that Putin should be sent a message that his bigoted policies would not be tolerated and as a result, he and his country would not benefit from intolerance.

Then this article, written by a gay athlete heading to Russia, was released on FaceBook and she pleaded that we stop protesting the Sochi Olympics and instead shift our focus on supporting the athletes participating. She argued that if the Olympics were protested it wouldn't be Russia that suffered. Rather, it would be the athletes. This woman astutely pointed out that she and other athletes were aware of the conditions in Russia but were still willing to travel and compete. Yes what is happening in Russia is horrible and should not be condoned, but hundreds of athletes have been training for years to get to where they are today and we should be focusing on and supporting them. Protesting Russia would inevitably be protesting them.

Needless to say this article got me thinking. If a gay athlete herself is willing to represent our country and travel to an unsafe country with hostile laws, well then shouldn't I support her? I then began to think of the Civil Rights movement that occurred and is continuing to occur in my own country and it occurred to me that change has to come from within. Change in this country resulted from the student sit-ins to the freedom rides, to the marches and the protests. Thousands of courageous individuals gave the bodies and lives in order to create change in this country.

Do I think that participating gay athletes will incite change in Russia? No. But because these individuals are heading to Russia despite Putin's laws at the very least shows Putin that he can not intimidate everyone. Similar to what occurred during the Civil Rights movement, many individuals stood up, refusing to be bullied or segregated anymore. By not participating in the Sochi Olympics, Putin would win. His bigoted, discriminatory laws would win.

My girlfriend and I have argued over a much lesser situation, but has similar undertones. Four summers ago, my no girlfriend and a bunch of friends went to a baseball game at a major league field. Two of our friends were a couple and they were being affectionate, nothing offensive or inappropriate for public, but the group was ultimately asked to leave because 'the venue was a family establishment.' Since I heard of this story, I have flat out refused to attend any event at this venue because my money would not support bigotry.

Although my girlfriend agrees with me to an extent, she reminds me that change needs to come from within and that if we stop going to these games, well then we let them win. They don't want our kind there anyway so if we stop going, then they will be happy. If we really want to make change happen, then we need to challenge the status quo by being ourselves and this change is most effective when it comes from within.

Exposure and presence inspires courage and courage inspires strength. Even though I personally do not know what Putin's motives and goals are, I am suspicious that he wants to suppress homosexuality into non-existence. If openly out athletes participate in the Sochi Olympics, then this issue of suppression continues to be made an issue.

Similarly, many activists and actors in this country have spoken out against Russia's policies and just the other day AT&T became the first major company to condemn Putin.Yes safety and protection are more important than exposure, but exposure is very important. If anything does happen to gay tourists and athletes, other nations, human rights groups and even the UN will be all over Putin and Russia, pressuring for change.

My parents have always reminded me that change takes time and when it comes to human rights violations, this fact can be hard to swallow. There is still a part of me that does not want to watch the Olympics as an act of protest against Putin. Instead of focusing on Putin however, I am going to focus on the brave athletes who are choosing to risk their safety in order to pursue their dreams and maybe even equality. I cannot speak for the athletes or assume that they are participating in the games to insight change. This is not what's important. What is important is that they are participating. No I do not personally know any of the participants but they are inherently a part of my community and because of this, I stand with them.

Mia

My pops was my grandfather and he adopted me because my mom was 16 when she got pregnant and both adoption and teen pregnancy run in my family. He had already raised 5 kids of his own. He and his wife Elva adopted me and he had been the theater director at DU for years and years. He was a tenured professor there. He was kind of pressured by his parents because he originally was a pre med undergrad but switched  to theater half-way through college. I'm sure this got a rise out of his parents because he was born in the 30s and that was a risky move then.

He had a figure skating accident on the ice, broke his back and had a vertebrae removed. When I was born, I had to be in an incubator because I had amniotic fluid in my lungs and my dad, who hadn't adopted me yet (I was adopted when I was two), found God again. If I made it, he would go to church again he promised. He was the Chaplain of St. Anthony's and he helped everyone. He was the person who was trained to counsel and comfort a family when they lost someone. If someone died in a car crash, he was the one they called.

He received a lifetime achievement award from DU. If I remember correctly, he had died right before he got the award. He had back problems his life life from his accident, but he was very upbeat and didn't have a victim mentality. He was also a published writer and he wrote children's books as well as gay porn, separately of course.

When he was growing up, being gay was dangerous, it was not an option, it was considered a sickness. He had ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy) to try and cure himself and that doesn't work. Jump starting someone does not cure them of being gay. This was all before I was born.

He told me he was gay when I was young. I don't know how old I was but I was still in elementary school. When he told me, he was still in the closet, as much as a theater director and figure skater could be. He really loved his wife Elva and they both wanted a family. When he told me, he had his best friend, we called him Uncle Alan and he told me Uncle Alan was gay first, I think to gauge my reaction. And so when he told me, I'm not gonna say it was a big deal, but I was fine with it right away. Part of that was because I was so young and the idea of sexual orientation was so abstract. I understood what it meant.

At that point Elva was still alive. They didn't share a room and I'm sure it was very hard for her but she was a very accepting person. She was also a very religious person and a second grade teacher at a Catholic school. So I went to Catholic school for elementary school and the teachers were telling me my dad was a sin and homosexuality was evil. After Elva passed away in seventh grade I told my dad I would not be returning to this school.

When he came out after Elva died, he was like a horny 16-year old kid because he could finally be himself. We are all art collectors in my family and there was so much penis in my house growing up. When he died, we all had to take a penis because we think that's what he would have wanted.

So I should also mention that he was one of the founding members of the Colorado AIDs Project. He did a lot of hospice and counseling for people who were dying of AIDs. I used to ask him how he did the hospice and difficult work, and he said he knew he was doing something good. He was an activist. Even when he was in the closet, he was taking part in the community and helping people.

He started going to a church that changed my outlook on religion. It's called Dignity Denver and it's close to Congress Park. He told me later that he didn't believe in Heaven and Hell; but he loved the community and there were a lot of like minds there. He made a lot of friends there. I used to go to church with him there.

We transitioned from a 'letter of the law' where people mumbled along with the hymns to a church where people actually wanted to be there. I remember that people actually sang because they wanted to. Even if they couldn't carry a tune. I interviewed some of the priests that presided at the church because I had to do a report on a minority group for a college class, so I chose to research gay Christians. This group reminded me, even though I don't personally believe in most of the rhetoric, of how Christianity started when people had to meet underground. I think that Jesus would have preferred to have met with people like them.

Anyway, he definitely went through some hard times. He didn't have it easy. Part of that was his generation. He tried to take his life a couple of times. The fact remains that he was really sad and was struggling. I remember when Matthew Shepard was killed, and my dad had to go to the hospital when he found out because his blood pressure was so high that his nose wouldn't stop bleeding. He told me that he didn't wants kids to feel bad about who they were like he had, and he liked that the world was moving in a certain direction where gay was no longer considered an illness. When that happened to a kid, it was almost more than he could take.

I'm happy that he lived in a time where he could see some progress and change. We had some great conversations, me and my dad. We didn't dance around shit. One thing I loved the most and something I still go to if I am having an argument with someone and I am getting angry, my dad could always find a different solution. I think he got this from working in the arts because you have to be creative when you are a choreographer. When I'm in that situation, I think about him and what he would tell me to do. And it almost always works. It's funny because his name was Jerry so I guess I could say WWJD?

He started getting tattoos when he was 60 when I started tattooing to support me. He got all of these cool Celtic animals and then a squished fairy on his ass, which was kind of uncomfortable to tattoo. He told me that it really helped him with his job at the hospital because here was this old man in a wheelchair coming to talk to you and the tattoos were an ice-breaker, especially if there was an age difference.

I went to him all the time for advice when I started teaching because he was an art history teacher. I inherited his library when he passed away. It is my prized possession.

I was so stoked when Pride got moved to Father's Day for obvious reasons and I now take my daughters to Pride every year. My oldest, Sean, was really young and was asking about all of the rainbows and she asked if we were gay because we were celebrating the holiday. I said that I'm not and the jury is still out on you, but celebrating Cindo De Mayo does not make a person Mexican. Pride is a cool cultural holiday to celebrate and I told her grandpa Jerry was gay and a lot of our friends are. Sean is a pistol with that kind of shit. She has no tolerance for any form of racism or bigotry and I am very proud of her for that. One of Sean's friends is gay and his parents aren't cool with it. He was getting bullied at school and she has protected him like a mother lion. She told him that if he needs a place, he can stay with us.

My biological mom is still a huge part of my life, I mean we kind of grew up together. It was a very unselfish thing for her to give me up for adoption. But I think to take on another son at his age says a log about his character. I never doubted how much he loved me because he didn't have to do that. Both of my kids got to meet him before he passed away. I had never heard the song Sweet Violet before my second was born and I can still hear him sing it to her.

I had a hard time with my friends when I was young because I didn't think they would get it and he was still in the closet. When I got older, I really shed all of that and I still have one friend that told me that my dad changed his image of what gay was. I hate the word flamboyant, he was just Jerry. My friends only knew one stereotype of what a gay man was. I told myself that if my friends weren't okay with this, then we wouldn't be friends.

He was a very good person. He taught me to be very understanding of differences. I still have the AIDs awareness transvestite cowboy angel on my Christmas tree and we hang it every year and say hi to Jerry.

Ian

This Thanksgiving season I want to do something a little different. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it is a reminder to express gratitude and gratitude is my favorite emotion to express. I believe that gratitude is not expressed often enough and I think it feels nice both to give and receive.

As important as it is to express gratitude towards others, I believe that it is just as important to express gratitude for ourselves. Expressing gratitude for oneself can often times be construed as being egotistical or narcissistic which can be true. In some cases however, I believe that honoring ourselves can be a healthy sign of confidence.

So in the spirit of displaying healthy confidence, I want to take the time to thank myself. I am a good person. I work hard. I care hard. I love hard. I have contributed a lot and have much more still to offer. I treat people with respect and try my best to be of service to others when I can. I have intentionally chosen a career dedicated to working with and for others and I am committed to creating and making change in this world.

Life is not easy. I know hardship. I know pain. I know loss and grief as well as judgement and ridicule. I have experienced days in which getting out of bed feels impossible as well as months where living has been a difficult task in and of itself. I have channeled David, while standing in the face of Goliath, summoning courage and strength where there was none. I have stumbled and fallen, made mistakes time and time again and have let those I care about down from time to time.

Although I am not perfect, I am great. Honoring and thanking myself for all that I am and have to give has taken years to understand and make practice of; but, I have learned that I am worth it. I work hard for others and I have learned to work hard for myself as well.

I am thankful for the person that I am.

The moments when you are hosting an anti-bullying day at school and the students that don't own any purple come rushing to wear purple post-its to show their solidarity.

The moment when your straight co workers suggest that you have a display case in your school for your GSA to display the work that the students are completing for all to see.

Mia

When I think about this I think of the first girlfriend I ever had. This was the only monogamous relationship I ever had. We got together when I was 14 and were together the entire time I was 15.

So I ended up meeting her through one of my other friends and at first we were just really good friends. She was Catholic and so was her family. And this was before I came out and before she had come out. So her family taught her that being gay is really really bad and that she would go to Hell for lack of words. There are a lot of gay people in my family, but the are not openly gay.

Her mom ended up finding out that we were together and her mom flipped out. Her mom wanted me dead flipped out. Her mom forbid her from ever talking to me again, took her phone and grounded her for about a month and she ended up getting sent to her grandmother's house, who is also very religious.

Her grandmother lived on the same side of town as me and her grandma hadn't met me so she didn't know who I was, so I could keep visiting her. It got to the point where I was over there all the time, all my stuff was over there and it really pissed my mom off and then her mom found out that I was going over there.  He mom flipped and her aunts flipped and her cousins flipped and her grandmother flipped. They all flipped.

But her dad was divorced from her mom and she got sent to her dad's so I went to visit her there. I'm pretty sure her dad caught us making out on the couch and he didn't say anything and just left. He didn't say anything for awhile and just ignored it which is pretty funny and interesting at the same time.

So this gets harder and harder to keep on seeing each other. For her to sneak over to my place and for me to sneak over to hers. About a year passed throughout all this time, and pretty much we started getting into a lot of trouble together, partying and doing a bunch of stupid things. We ended up getting in trouble for curfew and trespassing, a bunch of stuff. And then my mom said she couldn't come over at all, which made us both kind of rebel against both of our families.

After so much drinking and partying, our relationship became abusive where we would drink a lot and get into fights. When we were sober we would laugh about it and think it was funny. After this went on for so long, our fights got aggressive and there was a time period where we hand't seen each other for awhile and I found out she had cheated on me. So we ended up breaking up for awhile and then for awhile we were on again, off again; on again, off again. And then we finally broke up for good.  I think we both went on the rebound, like really crazy. I'm 18 and still on the rebound.

This feels like the best relationship I have ever had and the only solid relationship I have ever had. It's interesting how this relationship started out healthy and fell apart. I don't look back upon it like it was a bad relationship. I do feel like I really was genuinely in love with her though. I feel like my first love was my first heart break too. And this isn't always people's idea of love.

Looking back I realize that I needed to let go of the relationship sooner. The first year was amazing but the second year was shit. I learned to not hold onto a bad relationship and to let it go if need be.

Anonymous

So I wouldn't say that my grandparents are overtly homophobic, but they are definitely uncomfortable with the subject. I'm not sure if the issue is with homosexuality in general, or if it is because during their time this was something that was not discussed or present really. They both grew up in a time when homosexuals were closeted and few actually acted on their instinctual desires.

Since I have come out they made it clear that they love and support me, but discussing my partner and our life together has always been uncomfortable. They rarely ask questions about us and they will listen when I discuss her, but usually the conversation ends once I am done speaking. I don't think they are disappointed in me, I think it is more of an issue of not being entirely sure of what to say or how to ask about us honestly.

Over the years however, they have begun to ask more questions about us and refer to my partner by her first name. I am planning on proposing to her in the near future and I decided to break the news to my grandparents. My grandmother has collected jewelry over the years and when I mentioned that I did in fact have a ring, she started talking about how she may have a ring that could be more suited for wear when she works.

Honestly I was blown away. I was very nervous to tell my grandparents that I am planning on proposing and have a ring because these conversations are still slightly awkward. To have my grandmother offer one of her rings that I could give to my girlfriend astounded me. This was the greatest gift of acceptance that I believe I have received yet.

I personally do not believe in asking for anyone's blessing, I don't think it is anyone else's place or business, but in a way, this was my grandmother giving her blessing to me. The historical context of asking permission for marriage strikes too much of an ownership cord for me to be comfortable. Because she, on her own volition, offered to give me one of her possessions that symbolizes our union together, is the biggest tangible blessing of our relationship that I could imagine receiving.

Anonymous

I want to talk about my first girlfriend and coming out to myself. I didn’t know I was gay until after this experience. In middle school there was this girl I knew named Ashley and I realize now that I had a crush on her, but then I didn’t know I had a crush on her. She could see it but I could not see it and we had a weird relationship. We started to play basketball together, and we started to not be friends and become ‘frenemies’.

Basically how it came to be, when I was a freshman in high school, I went to three different high schools. I ended up at East and I was the new kid at East and she was there. I thought that there was no way we were going to be in the same class together and after lunch I walked into class and Mrs. Wagner introduced me and there Ashley was sitting. I was the new kid in class, and I sat down next to Carrie and we became friends. We bond over our mutual dislike of Ashley, because we were 14.

Months pass we become besties. Sophomore year starts and one day we were making fun of Ashley a lot. I knew why I was making fun of her. She was not my friend anymore. But I didn’t know Carrie’s motives. One day Carrie asked me why I didn’t like Ashley and I told her that we used to be friends and played basketball and one day she decided she didn’t like me. Carrie didn’t really believe that was true and she said, ‘I thought it was because you two hooked up.’ I said, ‘absolutely not! Why would you think that?!’ Then she said, ‘I thought you were gay?’

One thing that really sticks in my mind, when I was a child, my dad drives a semi-truck. One time he was delivering, he was a mover, there were two women, I had no idea what was going on, he was dismissive and cranky with them, I remember this in hindsight. One thing I do remember clearly, was that they gave us cookies and they gave my dad a huge tip, a couple hundred dollars, and so we were in the truck about to take off, and my dad said ‘fuck you dykes!’ This was the first time I heard him say the word ‘dyke’ and this struck me. I didn’t really understand it, but I knew he thought being gay was a bad thing.

That was something that stuck out in my brain and I am thinking to myself, I am not gay. People can’t be gay. Then it got me thinking why would she think I was gay? At the time I was a tom boy so I started to try to be more girly. I had my mom buy me skirts and dresses, which I never wore, but I tried. I never changed. I was still the same person.

I finally got the balls to ask Carrie why she thought I was gay. She said she didn’t know and then she told me that she was gay. She came out to me and I pieced this together and realized that she wasn’t out to anyone else and she thought we were both gay. This is when I realized people can be gay. They are not ‘dykes’ they are people that I liked to hang out with. This opened my mind up to the possibility that I was.

I told Carrie that it was okay and we could still be friends but that I wasn’t gay. We still hung out but I wanted to put a distance between the two of us. That proved to be hard to do what with her being my best friend. She came to me and asked me why I was being weird and I told her that I don’t like the way that I feel about you. This upset her and she told me that I didn’t know I was straight until I tried it. I think she knew we had feelings for each other even if I didn’t.

She kissed me and I didn’t run away and we basically started a relationship. That simple, who knew it could be? We kept it a complete secret however. I was terrified to tell my parents and she wasn’t ready either. We spent the rest of sophomore year completely happy in an undercover bubble. Nobody knew.

She had to move away to San Antonio. She tells me that she was going to go to a new school, start a new life and tell her parents that she was gay. I started to freak out because what did this mean for me? Her parents knew my parents and I was afraid she was going to out me. I told her I didn’t want to be with her anymore and she was going to leave anyway.

Our mutual friend, we will call her friend X, came up to me and said, that Carrie had came out to her parents. X was upset with me because we hadn’t told her and Carrie had when she left and questioned me why I hadn’t trusted her to tell her. I didn’t have an answer for her because I did trust her and she was a friend. I don’t know why I was ashamed of being gay. I couldn’t put into words what I was feeling.

I kind of know now that I was afraid of what my parents would do or walking into a locker room and having everyone say ‘that’s the gay one’. I know now this is ridiculous but in that moment it was very real. I am not ashamed of who I am anymore.

Teresa

How many of you have experienced a time in your life where you have told yourself, “No. That can’t be. I don’t believe it. I don’t want to believe it”?

Truth is subjective, and it is because of it being subjective that we can manipulate it. We can tell ourselves that something is true when it really isn’t. Many of us call this denial, and my denial was with my sexual orientation.

Middle school was something else. I have only met a handful of people who said their middle school years were care-free. Most of the time I hear that it was the worst 2-3 years of their lives and that it was wrought with struggle and pain. I don’t like looking back for the “worst years of my life,” but if I had to choose I would without a doubt say middle school.

I was in 6th grade and it seemed like every other day. I walked into music class and took my seat on the risers. There was a group of guys behind me talking about a variety of different things. Eventually the guys pulled me into their conversation and asked, “Hey JP, did you ever have a girlfriend in elementary school?”

I thought, What?! Elementary school? Why are we talking about relationships in elementary school at 11 years old?!

I responded, “Well, no, I didn’t have a girlfriend in elementary school.”

Some guys nodded and would utter small pieces of feedback like, “Oh,” and “Hmm.” But one of the guys said, “What are you, gay?”

I was stunned. Absolutely speechless. I immediately formed perceptions of homosexuality that were all negative: something to be laughed at, something that was “different” (and not in the good way), something to be ridiculed and mocked, all this and more. I went into defense mode to protect myself, and I said, “NO! No man, I’m not gay.”

I think I was telling the truth.

It wasn’t until later in middle school that I realized I was attracted to men. Many people may claim that people “become” homosexual because of a traumatic experience. I don’t agree. Was that interaction in the music room hurtful? Absolutely. But would I define it as traumatic? I don’t think so.

Once I had this “truth” about me being attracted to men, and these competing perceptions of homosexuality, it caused chaos in my heart. I decided to deny the truth so I could live a different truth: the “truth” that I was straight. I chose this because my perception of heterosexuality was much, much more positive than my perceptions of homosexuality. So I formed that barrier and told people that I was straight and rejected any claims that I was gay.

That barrier held true for 14 years. 14 years of claiming heterosexuality, claiming I was straight, and trying to contain the truth with denial.

For those 14 years I played the straight card. I had one serious girlfriend and dated a handful of other ones. I blamed my high standards and, “She just isn’t the right one,” for why my dates and relationships weren’t sticking. Every now and again - not as often as you’d think - I’d doubt my sexuality, but nothing so substantial that I freaked out.

Around 23-24 years old I started telling myself, “You cannot use women anymore. Until you figure out what is going on in your life and with your sexuality, you will not use women.”

This seems innocent enough, but on top of me making this commitment to myself, I also realized that I wasn’t quite ready to accept the truth that I was gay.

My new truth: I’m going to be single the rest of my life.

Happiness was stolen from me. I didn’t know what to do.

Finally, in 2012, I started truly thinking about and processing through my denial. Over the course of time, my denial formed a stronger and stronger voice, and I could no longer ignore it.

In January of 2013, I came out as gay...

... And I couldn’t be happier.

Denial is a very, very resilient defense mechanism. When your truth doesn’t match your perceptions, denial will step in and try to keep it under control.

What I am about to say is my own personal opinion based on my own subjective experience, so this may not apply to all people. I have come to believe that denial can be the source of all unhappiness. Do I believe that all unhappy people are struggling with denial? No. Other way around. I believe that denial truly keeps us from genuine happiness.

I denied because of fear. Fear of what would happen to me, if people would accept me, if I would lose friends, all of it. However, sacrificing my own happiness just so that I was “acceptable” in the eyes of others became too heavy of a weight for me.

My hope is that if you are struggling with denial or with your sexual orientation, help is out there. You are not the only person who has gone through what you’re going through. I encourage you to reach out and find someone who you can relate to and who can help you.

Don’t do this by yourself. You don’t need to.

JP

About a month ago I had the privilege to celebrate a birthday with one of my dearest friends. He lives in a duplex with his boyfriend next to his parents and has one older sister, a brother-in-law and two adorable nephews. My friend was a nanny, or a self-proclaimed 'manny', to these boys for the first couple of years of their lives and they have a wonderful relationship with him. Last month they were almost 5 and 3 and a 1/2 years old.

One afternoon my friend was at a rehersal and I was next door visiting his parents when his sister arrived with the boys. We were all waiting for my friend to come home so we could go out to dinner to celebrate his birthday. The boys had been napping and were waking up, still groggy and out of it. All of a sudden one of the boys saw my friend, sat up quickly, got off his mother's lap, ran out the door screaming his name until my friend picked him up in a bear hug. Just as the younger of the two squealed with joy the older brother also jumped off his father's lap and ran outside to great his uncle home.

As they were playing outside, my friend's boyfriend drove down the block, parked his car and started walking towards the apartment. When the boys saw him, they gave him an equally as joyous of a welcome as they did for my friend. He scooped them up one by one and gave each a bear hug as well.

While the boys were wrestling with their uncles, I talked with his sister about what their understanding of my friend's relationship was to his partner. She smiled and replied that they totally understood it. They had explained to their boys that my friend and his boyfriend were in a relationship just like their grandparents and like mommy and daddy, they just weren't married. This was the extent of the conversation.

Since the oldest is approaching kindergarden, his parents have enrolled him in a Catholic school, due to concerns about public schools in the area. Upon arriving at the school for an interview, there were two posters hung on a the wall in the hallway. One of President Obama and the other was of Governor Romney. The principal asked my friend's nephew if he knew who each man was and he replied that he did. He knew that Obama wanted his uncle and his boyfriend to get married but Romney did not so he liked Obama.

The point of this story is that all of the fears of children being exposed to homosexual relationships and the potential outcomes are irrational and come from nothing but discrimination. Every gay person I know, including myself, was raised by heterosexual parents in a completely heterocentric society and they still ended up gay. All of the relationship messages that have been displayed up until recently have been about a man and a woman; song lyrics, bilboard and magazine ads, commercials, movies, greeting cards, the list goes on. Furthermore, I have friends that were raised by homosexual parents that are straight themselves. There is no logic to this argument.

Watching these boys interact with their uncle and his boyfriend was so refreshing for me. The only effects I could see were of acceptace and understanding. The boys responded to their uncles just like they did to their parents and to their grandparents. There was absolutely no difference. I could see that they loved both their uncle as well as his boyfriend and they didn't care that two men were in a relationship. All they cared about was playing with them.

Many people have argued that children are not born with hate, rather that they are taught to hate. Sure there are many pressures coming from society but it is our job as society to "normalize" what is different. If children are taught to fear, hate, and judge anyone who is different, then this is how they will respond to that different person. Children are so much smarter then given credit for. They are like sponges, they soak up any information that is presented to, or around them. Would we rather our children be raised with acceptance or judgement? With love or with hate?

Last month the American Academy of Pediatrics came out in support of marriage equality, saying that children raised by two parents, any two parents in a loving stable relationship, are better off then being raised by a single parent. Gay parents don't turn kids gay, no one turns anyone gay. And even if people were 'turned gay' so what? Does this world really need more discrimination, hate, violence, anger and judgement?

I think we could take a lesson from these youngsters. Children don't judge based on skin color, religion, or sexual orientation. Kids judge based on how they are treated. Plain and simple. I hear many adults reminisce about how much simpler the good old days were when we were young and carefree and I admit that I often feel this way too.

Sure when we were children we didn't have stressful responsibilities including bills and jobs per se; but, maybe life was easier because we didn't care so much? Life was simpler because we were simpler. We focused on having fun and on activities and people that made us happy. We weren't consumed with judgements and anger that ate us alive, festering and making us cynical. We did what made us happy. We played. We explored. We imagined.

Many feel that once childhood innocence is gone, it is gone for good. Unfortunately there are many traumatic life events that occur on a daily basis to people that change them. People become so filled of anger, hate and fear, they no longer know how to exist in a world of trust and love. Some people feel so much they take it out on others which perpetuates this cycle and passes it onto the next victim.

Breaking cycles is quite difficult and many cannot accomplish this. We all have our own cycles to break, some of us aren't even aware they exist. Rather than trying to mend what was broke, let's try to build upon what has been built prior. Instead of picking up pieces and trying to clean up, let's stregthen and foster what is already there.

Too many kids have already been broken by society. Too many adults are still trying to pick up their pieces. The older one gets with broken pieces, the more difficult it is to repair. By teaching our children to love and accept from an early age keeps them whole. Teaching kids to hate and judge mostly affects them negatively. Hate and anger eat away at a person, forming cracks within his or her foundation. Hate and anger does not make a person strong, it makes him or her weak. Showing love is more difficult than showing hate and if we teach our children at a younger age then showing love will become more natural to them, a skill they will be able to take with them throughout the rest of their lives.

Coming out for my friend was not easy. In fact his life has not been easy. He has faced many different struggles aside from coming out and has overcome many obstacles in his life. Despite what he has been through, my friend is the epitomy of love. He treats everyone with kindness and shows love to everyone in his life. Even though he faced many difficult times, he has not allowed himself to use these as an excuse to be angry with the world. Instead to displacing his hurt and anger, he deals with it and responds with compassion and love. My friend is a model example of how someone has turned his life around in a very positive way.

Not only has my friend turned his life around, he is helping turn other lives around as well. He is always of service to his community and reminds people, myself definitely included, to live with love and compassion. Although my friend is technically an adult, he is one of the most playful individuals I know. He displays childlike energy and innocence even though he is in his early 30s. Life continues to throw him curveballs and some days are harder than others, but he works hard to remember to live with that love.

His nephews are not the only people that have benefitted from the lessons and experience he has to offer. I know I have. This man to this day is one of the most influential people I know and I am so thankful for him being a part of my life. Since coming out I have found myself becoming more angry due to the discrimination I have experienced. Infuriating as this may be, discrimination does not give me the justification to take my anger out on the world. My dear friend constantly reminds me to return to my happy place and to respond with love and kindness. Even if I can't change the world, I can change me. And if I can change the world, I want to do so with love. I want love to be a domino effect. I want it to ripple outward.

Watching my friend with his nephews gives me hope. They say that the children are our future. If we can teach our children to love and to accept from the beginning, well then maybe our future won't be so broken anymore.

Mia