Today starts the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. For many, the Olympics signifies a celebration of nations coming together in the spirit of competition and having pride in their own countries and athletes performing in the events. This Olympics for others however, has been overshadowed by the laws Putin passed in Russia criminalizing homosexuality.
Brutal footage has been released on the internet of LGTBQI youth being tortured and others of protesters being assaulted under this law. Not only has Putin made homosexuality illegal in Russia, but he has gone as far to say that tourists and athletes themselves will be held to Russian law while visiting the country. Many have argued that Putin's discriminatory actions are a great human rights violation and that the Olympics should be protested and moved from Sochi. A nation criminalizing humans and taking away liberties should not benefit from the lucrative event that is the Olympics.
At first, I was one of the vocal protesters condemning Putin and advocating for a new winter Olympics location. Aside from the monetary gain, the lives of tourists and athletes could be at risk and because of this, nations valuing diversity and accepting all walks of life needed to ensure the safety and protection for those that would not receive these decencies traveling abroad to Russia. I even took it as far to argue that Putin should be sent a message that his bigoted policies would not be tolerated and as a result, he and his country would not benefit from intolerance.
Then this article, written by a gay athlete heading to Russia, was released on FaceBook and she pleaded that we stop protesting the Sochi Olympics and instead shift our focus on supporting the athletes participating. She argued that if the Olympics were protested it wouldn't be Russia that suffered. Rather, it would be the athletes. This woman astutely pointed out that she and other athletes were aware of the conditions in Russia but were still willing to travel and compete. Yes what is happening in Russia is horrible and should not be condoned, but hundreds of athletes have been training for years to get to where they are today and we should be focusing on and supporting them. Protesting Russia would inevitably be protesting them.
Needless to say this article got me thinking. If a gay athlete herself is willing to represent our country and travel to an unsafe country with hostile laws, well then shouldn't I support her? I then began to think of the Civil Rights movement that occurred and is continuing to occur in my own country and it occurred to me that change has to come from within. Change in this country resulted from the student sit-ins to the freedom rides, to the marches and the protests. Thousands of courageous individuals gave the bodies and lives in order to create change in this country.
Do I think that participating gay athletes will incite change in Russia? No. But because these individuals are heading to Russia despite Putin's laws at the very least shows Putin that he can not intimidate everyone. Similar to what occurred during the Civil Rights movement, many individuals stood up, refusing to be bullied or segregated anymore. By not participating in the Sochi Olympics, Putin would win. His bigoted, discriminatory laws would win.
My girlfriend and I have argued over a much lesser situation, but has similar undertones. Four summers ago, my no girlfriend and a bunch of friends went to a baseball game at a major league field. Two of our friends were a couple and they were being affectionate, nothing offensive or inappropriate for public, but the group was ultimately asked to leave because 'the venue was a family establishment.' Since I heard of this story, I have flat out refused to attend any event at this venue because my money would not support bigotry.
Although my girlfriend agrees with me to an extent, she reminds me that change needs to come from within and that if we stop going to these games, well then we let them win. They don't want our kind there anyway so if we stop going, then they will be happy. If we really want to make change happen, then we need to challenge the status quo by being ourselves and this change is most effective when it comes from within.
Exposure and presence inspires courage and courage inspires strength. Even though I personally do not know what Putin's motives and goals are, I am suspicious that he wants to suppress homosexuality into non-existence. If openly out athletes participate in the Sochi Olympics, then this issue of suppression continues to be made an issue.
Similarly, many activists and actors in this country have spoken out against Russia's policies and just the other day AT&T became the first major company to condemn Putin.Yes safety and protection are more important than exposure, but exposure is very important. If anything does happen to gay tourists and athletes, other nations, human rights groups and even the UN will be all over Putin and Russia, pressuring for change.
My parents have always reminded me that change takes time and when it comes to human rights violations, this fact can be hard to swallow. There is still a part of me that does not want to watch the Olympics as an act of protest against Putin. Instead of focusing on Putin however, I am going to focus on the brave athletes who are choosing to risk their safety in order to pursue their dreams and maybe even equality. I cannot speak for the athletes or assume that they are participating in the games to insight change. This is not what's important. What is important is that they are participating. No I do not personally know any of the participants but they are inherently a part of my community and because of this, I stand with them.
Mia
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
My pops was my grandfather and he adopted me because my mom was 16 when she got pregnant and both adoption and teen pregnancy run in my family. He had already raised 5 kids of his own. He and his wife Elva adopted me and he had been the theater director at DU for years and years. He was a tenured professor there. He was kind of pressured by his parents because he originally was a pre med undergrad but switched to theater half-way through college. I'm sure this got a rise out of his parents because he was born in the 30s and that was a risky move then.
He had a figure skating accident on the ice, broke his back and had a vertebrae removed. When I was born, I had to be in an incubator because I had amniotic fluid in my lungs and my dad, who hadn't adopted me yet (I was adopted when I was two), found God again. If I made it, he would go to church again he promised. He was the Chaplain of St. Anthony's and he helped everyone. He was the person who was trained to counsel and comfort a family when they lost someone. If someone died in a car crash, he was the one they called.
He received a lifetime achievement award from DU. If I remember correctly, he had died right before he got the award. He had back problems his life life from his accident, but he was very upbeat and didn't have a victim mentality. He was also a published writer and he wrote children's books as well as gay porn, separately of course.
When he was growing up, being gay was dangerous, it was not an option, it was considered a sickness. He had ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy) to try and cure himself and that doesn't work. Jump starting someone does not cure them of being gay. This was all before I was born.
He told me he was gay when I was young. I don't know how old I was but I was still in elementary school. When he told me, he was still in the closet, as much as a theater director and figure skater could be. He really loved his wife Elva and they both wanted a family. When he told me, he had his best friend, we called him Uncle Alan and he told me Uncle Alan was gay first, I think to gauge my reaction. And so when he told me, I'm not gonna say it was a big deal, but I was fine with it right away. Part of that was because I was so young and the idea of sexual orientation was so abstract. I understood what it meant.
At that point Elva was still alive. They didn't share a room and I'm sure it was very hard for her but she was a very accepting person. She was also a very religious person and a second grade teacher at a Catholic school. So I went to Catholic school for elementary school and the teachers were telling me my dad was a sin and homosexuality was evil. After Elva passed away in seventh grade I told my dad I would not be returning to this school.
When he came out after Elva died, he was like a horny 16-year old kid because he could finally be himself. We are all art collectors in my family and there was so much penis in my house growing up. When he died, we all had to take a penis because we think that's what he would have wanted.
So I should also mention that he was one of the founding members of the Colorado AIDs Project. He did a lot of hospice and counseling for people who were dying of AIDs. I used to ask him how he did the hospice and difficult work, and he said he knew he was doing something good. He was an activist. Even when he was in the closet, he was taking part in the community and helping people.
He started going to a church that changed my outlook on religion. It's called Dignity Denver and it's close to Congress Park. He told me later that he didn't believe in Heaven and Hell; but he loved the community and there were a lot of like minds there. He made a lot of friends there. I used to go to church with him there.
We transitioned from a 'letter of the law' where people mumbled along with the hymns to a church where people actually wanted to be there. I remember that people actually sang because they wanted to. Even if they couldn't carry a tune. I interviewed some of the priests that presided at the church because I had to do a report on a minority group for a college class, so I chose to research gay Christians. This group reminded me, even though I don't personally believe in most of the rhetoric, of how Christianity started when people had to meet underground. I think that Jesus would have preferred to have met with people like them.
Anyway, he definitely went through some hard times. He didn't have it easy. Part of that was his generation. He tried to take his life a couple of times. The fact remains that he was really sad and was struggling. I remember when Matthew Shepard was killed, and my dad had to go to the hospital when he found out because his blood pressure was so high that his nose wouldn't stop bleeding. He told me that he didn't wants kids to feel bad about who they were like he had, and he liked that the world was moving in a certain direction where gay was no longer considered an illness. When that happened to a kid, it was almost more than he could take.
I'm happy that he lived in a time where he could see some progress and change. We had some great conversations, me and my dad. We didn't dance around shit. One thing I loved the most and something I still go to if I am having an argument with someone and I am getting angry, my dad could always find a different solution. I think he got this from working in the arts because you have to be creative when you are a choreographer. When I'm in that situation, I think about him and what he would tell me to do. And it almost always works. It's funny because his name was Jerry so I guess I could say WWJD?
He started getting tattoos when he was 60 when I started tattooing to support me. He got all of these cool Celtic animals and then a squished fairy on his ass, which was kind of uncomfortable to tattoo. He told me that it really helped him with his job at the hospital because here was this old man in a wheelchair coming to talk to you and the tattoos were an ice-breaker, especially if there was an age difference.
I went to him all the time for advice when I started teaching because he was an art history teacher. I inherited his library when he passed away. It is my prized possession.
I was so stoked when Pride got moved to Father's Day for obvious reasons and I now take my daughters to Pride every year. My oldest, Sean, was really young and was asking about all of the rainbows and she asked if we were gay because we were celebrating the holiday. I said that I'm not and the jury is still out on you, but celebrating Cindo De Mayo does not make a person Mexican. Pride is a cool cultural holiday to celebrate and I told her grandpa Jerry was gay and a lot of our friends are. Sean is a pistol with that kind of shit. She has no tolerance for any form of racism or bigotry and I am very proud of her for that. One of Sean's friends is gay and his parents aren't cool with it. He was getting bullied at school and she has protected him like a mother lion. She told him that if he needs a place, he can stay with us.
My biological mom is still a huge part of my life, I mean we kind of grew up together. It was a very unselfish thing for her to give me up for adoption. But I think to take on another son at his age says a log about his character. I never doubted how much he loved me because he didn't have to do that. Both of my kids got to meet him before he passed away. I had never heard the song Sweet Violet before my second was born and I can still hear him sing it to her.
I had a hard time with my friends when I was young because I didn't think they would get it and he was still in the closet. When I got older, I really shed all of that and I still have one friend that told me that my dad changed his image of what gay was. I hate the word flamboyant, he was just Jerry. My friends only knew one stereotype of what a gay man was. I told myself that if my friends weren't okay with this, then we wouldn't be friends.
He was a very good person. He taught me to be very understanding of differences. I still have the AIDs awareness transvestite cowboy angel on my Christmas tree and we hang it every year and say hi to Jerry.
Ian
He had a figure skating accident on the ice, broke his back and had a vertebrae removed. When I was born, I had to be in an incubator because I had amniotic fluid in my lungs and my dad, who hadn't adopted me yet (I was adopted when I was two), found God again. If I made it, he would go to church again he promised. He was the Chaplain of St. Anthony's and he helped everyone. He was the person who was trained to counsel and comfort a family when they lost someone. If someone died in a car crash, he was the one they called.
He received a lifetime achievement award from DU. If I remember correctly, he had died right before he got the award. He had back problems his life life from his accident, but he was very upbeat and didn't have a victim mentality. He was also a published writer and he wrote children's books as well as gay porn, separately of course.
When he was growing up, being gay was dangerous, it was not an option, it was considered a sickness. He had ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy) to try and cure himself and that doesn't work. Jump starting someone does not cure them of being gay. This was all before I was born.
He told me he was gay when I was young. I don't know how old I was but I was still in elementary school. When he told me, he was still in the closet, as much as a theater director and figure skater could be. He really loved his wife Elva and they both wanted a family. When he told me, he had his best friend, we called him Uncle Alan and he told me Uncle Alan was gay first, I think to gauge my reaction. And so when he told me, I'm not gonna say it was a big deal, but I was fine with it right away. Part of that was because I was so young and the idea of sexual orientation was so abstract. I understood what it meant.
At that point Elva was still alive. They didn't share a room and I'm sure it was very hard for her but she was a very accepting person. She was also a very religious person and a second grade teacher at a Catholic school. So I went to Catholic school for elementary school and the teachers were telling me my dad was a sin and homosexuality was evil. After Elva passed away in seventh grade I told my dad I would not be returning to this school.
When he came out after Elva died, he was like a horny 16-year old kid because he could finally be himself. We are all art collectors in my family and there was so much penis in my house growing up. When he died, we all had to take a penis because we think that's what he would have wanted.
So I should also mention that he was one of the founding members of the Colorado AIDs Project. He did a lot of hospice and counseling for people who were dying of AIDs. I used to ask him how he did the hospice and difficult work, and he said he knew he was doing something good. He was an activist. Even when he was in the closet, he was taking part in the community and helping people.
He started going to a church that changed my outlook on religion. It's called Dignity Denver and it's close to Congress Park. He told me later that he didn't believe in Heaven and Hell; but he loved the community and there were a lot of like minds there. He made a lot of friends there. I used to go to church with him there.
We transitioned from a 'letter of the law' where people mumbled along with the hymns to a church where people actually wanted to be there. I remember that people actually sang because they wanted to. Even if they couldn't carry a tune. I interviewed some of the priests that presided at the church because I had to do a report on a minority group for a college class, so I chose to research gay Christians. This group reminded me, even though I don't personally believe in most of the rhetoric, of how Christianity started when people had to meet underground. I think that Jesus would have preferred to have met with people like them.
Anyway, he definitely went through some hard times. He didn't have it easy. Part of that was his generation. He tried to take his life a couple of times. The fact remains that he was really sad and was struggling. I remember when Matthew Shepard was killed, and my dad had to go to the hospital when he found out because his blood pressure was so high that his nose wouldn't stop bleeding. He told me that he didn't wants kids to feel bad about who they were like he had, and he liked that the world was moving in a certain direction where gay was no longer considered an illness. When that happened to a kid, it was almost more than he could take.
I'm happy that he lived in a time where he could see some progress and change. We had some great conversations, me and my dad. We didn't dance around shit. One thing I loved the most and something I still go to if I am having an argument with someone and I am getting angry, my dad could always find a different solution. I think he got this from working in the arts because you have to be creative when you are a choreographer. When I'm in that situation, I think about him and what he would tell me to do. And it almost always works. It's funny because his name was Jerry so I guess I could say WWJD?
He started getting tattoos when he was 60 when I started tattooing to support me. He got all of these cool Celtic animals and then a squished fairy on his ass, which was kind of uncomfortable to tattoo. He told me that it really helped him with his job at the hospital because here was this old man in a wheelchair coming to talk to you and the tattoos were an ice-breaker, especially if there was an age difference.
I went to him all the time for advice when I started teaching because he was an art history teacher. I inherited his library when he passed away. It is my prized possession.
I was so stoked when Pride got moved to Father's Day for obvious reasons and I now take my daughters to Pride every year. My oldest, Sean, was really young and was asking about all of the rainbows and she asked if we were gay because we were celebrating the holiday. I said that I'm not and the jury is still out on you, but celebrating Cindo De Mayo does not make a person Mexican. Pride is a cool cultural holiday to celebrate and I told her grandpa Jerry was gay and a lot of our friends are. Sean is a pistol with that kind of shit. She has no tolerance for any form of racism or bigotry and I am very proud of her for that. One of Sean's friends is gay and his parents aren't cool with it. He was getting bullied at school and she has protected him like a mother lion. She told him that if he needs a place, he can stay with us.
My biological mom is still a huge part of my life, I mean we kind of grew up together. It was a very unselfish thing for her to give me up for adoption. But I think to take on another son at his age says a log about his character. I never doubted how much he loved me because he didn't have to do that. Both of my kids got to meet him before he passed away. I had never heard the song Sweet Violet before my second was born and I can still hear him sing it to her.
I had a hard time with my friends when I was young because I didn't think they would get it and he was still in the closet. When I got older, I really shed all of that and I still have one friend that told me that my dad changed his image of what gay was. I hate the word flamboyant, he was just Jerry. My friends only knew one stereotype of what a gay man was. I told myself that if my friends weren't okay with this, then we wouldn't be friends.
He was a very good person. He taught me to be very understanding of differences. I still have the AIDs awareness transvestite cowboy angel on my Christmas tree and we hang it every year and say hi to Jerry.
Ian
Friday, November 29, 2013
This Thanksgiving season I want to do something a little different. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it is a reminder to express gratitude and gratitude is my favorite emotion to express. I believe that gratitude is not expressed often enough and I think it feels nice both to give and receive.
As important as it is to express gratitude towards others, I believe that it is just as important to express gratitude for ourselves. Expressing gratitude for oneself can often times be construed as being egotistical or narcissistic which can be true. In some cases however, I believe that honoring ourselves can be a healthy sign of confidence.
So in the spirit of displaying healthy confidence, I want to take the time to thank myself. I am a good person. I work hard. I care hard. I love hard. I have contributed a lot and have much more still to offer. I treat people with respect and try my best to be of service to others when I can. I have intentionally chosen a career dedicated to working with and for others and I am committed to creating and making change in this world.
Life is not easy. I know hardship. I know pain. I know loss and grief as well as judgement and ridicule. I have experienced days in which getting out of bed feels impossible as well as months where living has been a difficult task in and of itself. I have channeled David, while standing in the face of Goliath, summoning courage and strength where there was none. I have stumbled and fallen, made mistakes time and time again and have let those I care about down from time to time.
Although I am not perfect, I am great. Honoring and thanking myself for all that I am and have to give has taken years to understand and make practice of; but, I have learned that I am worth it. I work hard for others and I have learned to work hard for myself as well.
I am thankful for the person that I am.
As important as it is to express gratitude towards others, I believe that it is just as important to express gratitude for ourselves. Expressing gratitude for oneself can often times be construed as being egotistical or narcissistic which can be true. In some cases however, I believe that honoring ourselves can be a healthy sign of confidence.
So in the spirit of displaying healthy confidence, I want to take the time to thank myself. I am a good person. I work hard. I care hard. I love hard. I have contributed a lot and have much more still to offer. I treat people with respect and try my best to be of service to others when I can. I have intentionally chosen a career dedicated to working with and for others and I am committed to creating and making change in this world.
Life is not easy. I know hardship. I know pain. I know loss and grief as well as judgement and ridicule. I have experienced days in which getting out of bed feels impossible as well as months where living has been a difficult task in and of itself. I have channeled David, while standing in the face of Goliath, summoning courage and strength where there was none. I have stumbled and fallen, made mistakes time and time again and have let those I care about down from time to time.
Although I am not perfect, I am great. Honoring and thanking myself for all that I am and have to give has taken years to understand and make practice of; but, I have learned that I am worth it. I work hard for others and I have learned to work hard for myself as well.
I am thankful for the person that I am.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
When I think about this I think of the first girlfriend I ever had. This was the only monogamous relationship I ever had. We got together when I was 14 and were together the entire time I was 15.
So I ended up meeting her through one of my other friends and at first we were just really good friends. She was Catholic and so was her family. And this was before I came out and before she had come out. So her family taught her that being gay is really really bad and that she would go to Hell for lack of words. There are a lot of gay people in my family, but the are not openly gay.
Her mom ended up finding out that we were together and her mom flipped out. Her mom wanted me dead flipped out. Her mom forbid her from ever talking to me again, took her phone and grounded her for about a month and she ended up getting sent to her grandmother's house, who is also very religious.
Her grandmother lived on the same side of town as me and her grandma hadn't met me so she didn't know who I was, so I could keep visiting her. It got to the point where I was over there all the time, all my stuff was over there and it really pissed my mom off and then her mom found out that I was going over there. He mom flipped and her aunts flipped and her cousins flipped and her grandmother flipped. They all flipped.
But her dad was divorced from her mom and she got sent to her dad's so I went to visit her there. I'm pretty sure her dad caught us making out on the couch and he didn't say anything and just left. He didn't say anything for awhile and just ignored it which is pretty funny and interesting at the same time.
So this gets harder and harder to keep on seeing each other. For her to sneak over to my place and for me to sneak over to hers. About a year passed throughout all this time, and pretty much we started getting into a lot of trouble together, partying and doing a bunch of stupid things. We ended up getting in trouble for curfew and trespassing, a bunch of stuff. And then my mom said she couldn't come over at all, which made us both kind of rebel against both of our families.
After so much drinking and partying, our relationship became abusive where we would drink a lot and get into fights. When we were sober we would laugh about it and think it was funny. After this went on for so long, our fights got aggressive and there was a time period where we hand't seen each other for awhile and I found out she had cheated on me. So we ended up breaking up for awhile and then for awhile we were on again, off again; on again, off again. And then we finally broke up for good. I think we both went on the rebound, like really crazy. I'm 18 and still on the rebound.
This feels like the best relationship I have ever had and the only solid relationship I have ever had. It's interesting how this relationship started out healthy and fell apart. I don't look back upon it like it was a bad relationship. I do feel like I really was genuinely in love with her though. I feel like my first love was my first heart break too. And this isn't always people's idea of love.
Looking back I realize that I needed to let go of the relationship sooner. The first year was amazing but the second year was shit. I learned to not hold onto a bad relationship and to let it go if need be.
Anonymous
So I ended up meeting her through one of my other friends and at first we were just really good friends. She was Catholic and so was her family. And this was before I came out and before she had come out. So her family taught her that being gay is really really bad and that she would go to Hell for lack of words. There are a lot of gay people in my family, but the are not openly gay.
Her mom ended up finding out that we were together and her mom flipped out. Her mom wanted me dead flipped out. Her mom forbid her from ever talking to me again, took her phone and grounded her for about a month and she ended up getting sent to her grandmother's house, who is also very religious.
Her grandmother lived on the same side of town as me and her grandma hadn't met me so she didn't know who I was, so I could keep visiting her. It got to the point where I was over there all the time, all my stuff was over there and it really pissed my mom off and then her mom found out that I was going over there. He mom flipped and her aunts flipped and her cousins flipped and her grandmother flipped. They all flipped.
But her dad was divorced from her mom and she got sent to her dad's so I went to visit her there. I'm pretty sure her dad caught us making out on the couch and he didn't say anything and just left. He didn't say anything for awhile and just ignored it which is pretty funny and interesting at the same time.
So this gets harder and harder to keep on seeing each other. For her to sneak over to my place and for me to sneak over to hers. About a year passed throughout all this time, and pretty much we started getting into a lot of trouble together, partying and doing a bunch of stupid things. We ended up getting in trouble for curfew and trespassing, a bunch of stuff. And then my mom said she couldn't come over at all, which made us both kind of rebel against both of our families.
After so much drinking and partying, our relationship became abusive where we would drink a lot and get into fights. When we were sober we would laugh about it and think it was funny. After this went on for so long, our fights got aggressive and there was a time period where we hand't seen each other for awhile and I found out she had cheated on me. So we ended up breaking up for awhile and then for awhile we were on again, off again; on again, off again. And then we finally broke up for good. I think we both went on the rebound, like really crazy. I'm 18 and still on the rebound.
This feels like the best relationship I have ever had and the only solid relationship I have ever had. It's interesting how this relationship started out healthy and fell apart. I don't look back upon it like it was a bad relationship. I do feel like I really was genuinely in love with her though. I feel like my first love was my first heart break too. And this isn't always people's idea of love.
Looking back I realize that I needed to let go of the relationship sooner. The first year was amazing but the second year was shit. I learned to not hold onto a bad relationship and to let it go if need be.
Anonymous
Thursday, July 25, 2013
So I wouldn't say that my grandparents are overtly homophobic, but they are definitely uncomfortable with the subject. I'm not sure if the issue is with homosexuality in general, or if it is because during their time this was something that was not discussed or present really. They both grew up in a time when homosexuals were closeted and few actually acted on their instinctual desires.
Since I have come out they made it clear that they love and support me, but discussing my partner and our life together has always been uncomfortable. They rarely ask questions about us and they will listen when I discuss her, but usually the conversation ends once I am done speaking. I don't think they are disappointed in me, I think it is more of an issue of not being entirely sure of what to say or how to ask about us honestly.
Over the years however, they have begun to ask more questions about us and refer to my partner by her first name. I am planning on proposing to her in the near future and I decided to break the news to my grandparents. My grandmother has collected jewelry over the years and when I mentioned that I did in fact have a ring, she started talking about how she may have a ring that could be more suited for wear when she works.
Honestly I was blown away. I was very nervous to tell my grandparents that I am planning on proposing and have a ring because these conversations are still slightly awkward. To have my grandmother offer one of her rings that I could give to my girlfriend astounded me. This was the greatest gift of acceptance that I believe I have received yet.
I personally do not believe in asking for anyone's blessing, I don't think it is anyone else's place or business, but in a way, this was my grandmother giving her blessing to me. The historical context of asking permission for marriage strikes too much of an ownership cord for me to be comfortable. Because she, on her own volition, offered to give me one of her possessions that symbolizes our union together, is the biggest tangible blessing of our relationship that I could imagine receiving.
Anonymous
Since I have come out they made it clear that they love and support me, but discussing my partner and our life together has always been uncomfortable. They rarely ask questions about us and they will listen when I discuss her, but usually the conversation ends once I am done speaking. I don't think they are disappointed in me, I think it is more of an issue of not being entirely sure of what to say or how to ask about us honestly.
Over the years however, they have begun to ask more questions about us and refer to my partner by her first name. I am planning on proposing to her in the near future and I decided to break the news to my grandparents. My grandmother has collected jewelry over the years and when I mentioned that I did in fact have a ring, she started talking about how she may have a ring that could be more suited for wear when she works.
Honestly I was blown away. I was very nervous to tell my grandparents that I am planning on proposing and have a ring because these conversations are still slightly awkward. To have my grandmother offer one of her rings that I could give to my girlfriend astounded me. This was the greatest gift of acceptance that I believe I have received yet.
I personally do not believe in asking for anyone's blessing, I don't think it is anyone else's place or business, but in a way, this was my grandmother giving her blessing to me. The historical context of asking permission for marriage strikes too much of an ownership cord for me to be comfortable. Because she, on her own volition, offered to give me one of her possessions that symbolizes our union together, is the biggest tangible blessing of our relationship that I could imagine receiving.
Anonymous
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