Obviously I want to talk about an incident that happened in my first sober relationship. How we met is a whole nother story in of itself; but here it is in a nutshell.

There was a Boy and he was 6 months sober. He went out for a pass from the Jewish Rehab he found himself in and did nothing what his pass said he was going to do. His day pass said he was going to go have lunch with his family and meet up with friends to go to an AA meeting and then be back to the rehab for dinner. Instead, the Boy whisked himself away to his Garden of Eden, which he lovingly calls, The Flex. For those of you not familiar with The Flex, it is an establishment that requires the patrons to solely wear towels, which are optional. It was a lovely Sunday and this young Boy was going there merely to lay naked by the pool and for the weekly BBQ that was offered, not to participate in any shenanigans. It was his first time back at one of these establishments sober, and he was in parking ticket mode. He was the parking ticket and he wanted validation, but didn't want to get stamped!

He was making his way to the pool for the BBQ, when he saw the most delicious apple bottom ass he had ever seen. He stopped walking to imagine what it would be like to taste it. Before he was done fantasizing, the apple bottom turned around and caught the Boy staring with his toungue out. Embarrassed, the Boy makes it seem like he had stopped to open the steam room door, which he had mercifully stopped in front of. Before entering the steam room, he dropped his towel ever so slightly to reveal his crack and gives the apple bottom man a quick little inviting smile.

Embarrassed and flustered he calmed himself down in the steam room and in walked Apple Bottom. From the first moment he met Apple Bottom, his aggressive and dominant behavior was so appealing to the Boy. So the two of them were standing by the wall in the steam room and Apple Bottom reaches over ever so subtly and gives the Boy's jewels a little jiggle. It was an invitation that the Boy was all too ready to accept. Apple Bottom guided the boy to a cubby and they proceeded to put on a show for the other steam room patrons.

Having gotten validated and realizing a stamp was coming sooner than he would like, the Boy fled and wandered off to see what else was around, ready to get validated once more. After a couple of laps around, little results produced. The Boy entered the video room of this fine establishment and across the room he saw Apple Bottom pleasuring another patron. The Boy is a voyeur and was immensely satisfied to sit there and watch the live porn. To the Boy's excitement, his ticket was validated once again by Apple Bottom by beckoning him over to join in on the fun. The Boy was very happy to see Apple Bottom send away the other guy and give his sole attention to him. If you haven't already guessed it by now, the Boy likes to be the zebra in the African Safari, being pounced on and devoured by a hungry lion.

Apple Bottom whispered, "do you have a room?" and the Boy told him a small fib and said, "no." Fearing that if he said yes,  Apple Bottom would want to go to it and would want to stamp the Boy's ticket or have the boy stamp his ticket, and he was not ready for that! The Boy realized that it was once again time to flee and ran off, leaving the lion hungry and wanting more.

Looking at the time, the Boy realized that it was time to leave his Garden of Eden. Satisfied and validated he headed to his room to change. Once again, because he likes to be objectified, he left his door open while he got dressed. And who should pass by, but Apple Bottom?! The Boy was impressed with the fact that Apple Bottom did not call him out on his little white lie; instead, Apple Bottom said, "hold on a minute," and rushed off and quickly returned with his business card. The card had a sunflower on it, which just so happened to be the Boy's favorite flower.

Apple Bottom, whom the Boy now learned was named Tripp, handed him his card and said very directly, "call  me."

The Boy's sponsor had been encouraging him to get more numbers as a part of his program of recovery and so something deep inside the Boy told him he should call Tripp back. They set up their first date, very cryptic-like, fore the Boy had still not disclosed that he was six months sober and living in a Jewish Rehab. While trying to plan their first date, it was revealed that Tripp was five years sober and did not care much that the Boy was in rehab.

If you haven't guessed, I am the Boy and I had just heard at group of this concept of a "God Shot", which means that there are no coincidences-that something that seems random is in fact meant to be and is an indicator of a loving higher power working in your life. It's kind of like Pee-Wee Herman saying, "Connect the dots la la la la la!" All these random dots, make one complete picture, yet we are only able to see the dots. So this God Shot was that Tripp was five years sober. So all of my fears of disclosing my addiction were lifted and it was a safe place for me to explore romance sober.

We were very lesbionic and six months later we moved in together. I moved into his tiny single, which we called, "The Love Cave". There was no doubt that this person and I were meant to be together at that time in that moment. I was uncertain if I loved him in the "movie-romantic" way, but there was no doubt that he loved me unconditionally and I grew to do the same.

After my first year and a half, my dependence on him, just as my safety net, lifted and I was truly able to love him and give equally into the relationship. We were together for three and a half years and in our second year together, I developed seven Kidney Stones. This was a direct result of my Crystal Meth use. The drugs had eroded my ureter and made it so that little to no pee was getting into my kidneys and so I developed the stones. Tripp was there for me, to do something I had never done before, and never thought possible. To trust and depend on someone who was not family for support.

The surgery had gone well but my recovery was very difficult, due to my stubbornness of not wanting to take my prescribed pain medication in fear of relapsing. By not taking the medicine, I placed my body in so much pain and stress that the stint that was placed in my body shifted down to make it where I could no longer control my own bodily functions. Without a complaint, he was there, mopping up the goop, despite the gore. And believe me! It was not pretty!! And when I needed to be rushed to the hospital, due to infection, he took the lead again, like the lion I met in the bathouse. Instead of being his prey, I was his cub that he dragged to saftey.

I was very emabarrassed because I was continuously going to the bathroom and had to wear adult diapers and was worried that I would make a mess all over his car. He just smiled and reclined the seat so I could ride in comfort. On the way to the hospital I was in a lot of pain and stress, doing my best to hold everything in. Eventually I could not control it anymore and my body exploded. I looked at his face to see what he was thinking, and all I saw was a big smile and a laugh. No pity, no disgust, no shame. Just strength. I'll never forget that intense feeling of not being alone and being completely and utterly cared for and loved. And then I started laughing and letting my body go and having a good time. We cranked up the music and I pissed and shat to the music the rest of the way lol.

Even though a year and a half later, Tripp would display that he was human and selfish and bring about the end of our relationship. I will never forget that moment in the car and the gift he gave me. I felt unconditionally loved and cared for by a power greater than myself. The same kind of unconditional love my sponsor kept telling me I would get from my higher power, God, but did not feel it or understand it. When we broke up, I realized that I had made Tripp my higher power, but that in reality my higher power, or God as I choose to call him, had always been there and was always there working for me. Thanks to Tripp, I was able to experience the gift of trusting in that force for the first time. It is a gift that I cherish deeply and has allowed me to walk this Earth with a sense of faith and security that I had not known before.

Nick

I guess I should start with some background. Laura and I met right before she was leaving town. She had just got a marketing job which allowed her to travel all over the U.S. We had one amazing date right before she left. Just talking and hanging out...I was really excited to have met her, but then she had to leave. So we started talking on the phone. Soon we spent about an hour everyday talking on the phone. We'd send each other pictures and jokes. We had great conversations. When she came back to Denver for awhile...well, we had realy connected and started dating monogamously, you know, she was my 'girlfriend'. Then she had to leave again for several months...back to phone dating.

She would send me things in the mail like postcards and packages. She had been gone for a couple of months and had another month to go when she called me and said, "I'm sending you a present. It's going to be at your neighbor's house. Go see Cassie and get your present." She had sent me a clue of the present, it was a picture and it was of boxes, crates and luggage in a giant warehouse.

So I went next door and knocked on Cassie's door, totally excited to get my present. Cassie told me, "go into my room, it's in there." I walked in her room and there was Laura! She had flown back early. The picture she had sent me was of the hanger where she caught her airplane back to Denver. I had totally missed that clue haha. She made my whole day-no, that's an understatement. It was one of the best surprises I'd ever had and it was a great day.

Heather

I knew I was gay since I was eight years old. I never acknowledged it because I came from a very religious background. I tried to ignore my feelings for many years and didn't come out till my sophomore year of college when I met my first girlfriend. I fell in love with her right away. It was by far the most passionate relationship I've ever been in. We were together for 3 1/2 years and I came out to my family after being with her for six months. After I came out to my family I was out in the open to everyone. I really didn't care anymore, I was happy and wanted important people in my life to know.

I've always been a Daddy's girl, so telling him was my first priority. I was extremely nervous and paced around for 45 minutes crying before I could spit anything out. He took it all very well and was very supportive about it. It wasn't what he wished for me, but he wanted me to be happy. My mom reacted in a complete opposite way. She basically disowned me for two years and told me I was going to Hell. The communication we had was usually Bible verses she would send me and telling me that family was praying for me to get better, as if I was sick.

My senior year of college my Grandma got really sick. She was diagnosed with 4th degree lung cancer, so I came home to take care of her. She was moved to hospice and my girlfriend came to Colorado with me to spend her last weeks with her. This experience opened my mother's eyes to the fact that we were really in love and it wasn't a phase. At my grandmother's wake my mother broke down and cried and apologized for everything. From then on our relationship has made a 180. She became supportive and one of my best friends.

After I graduated from Nebraska I decided to move back home to Colorado. My relationship had been on the rocks for awhile. I learned that in passionate relationships, when it's good it's amazing and when it's bad it's hell. We tried to do the long-distance thing for awhile, but it didn't work so we broke up. I was devastated.

I decided to quit dating for awhile. I took time to find myself for awhile and worked on myself. It was hard but it was one of the best decisions I could have made at the time. Communication between my ex was a roller coaster. I finally started to try dating again and I always had the fear that I would never love anyone as much again. I've had one serious girlfriend since then and I fell in love for a second time. Unfortunately it didn't work out due to two different maturity levels. She was in her college phase and I was focused on starting my career. It was a fairly clean break and overall a good relationship, but never reached the level of my first girlfriend.

After the breakup my rugby season started up again. At the same time my mom was going through a pretty nasty divorce with my stepdad. It was her third divorce so I was spending a lot of time with her, trying to help her through it. I knew that there was something funky going on because it seemed like she was hiding something from me.

My first game of the season my mom told me she was bringing one of her best friends from church. As soon as I got off the field my roommate said, "OMG who is that lesbian with your mom?!" 100 footer, easy.

So I gave it the benefit of the doubt and thought to myself, "they're probably just good friends." The 100 footer started hanging around all the time. My mom took me to lunch and asked me if I thought her friend was gay, clearly I said, "absolutely." My mom immediately went into defense mode, acting like she was surprised and weirded out by it. She asked me questions like, "How do I tell her this is not what I want? I'm not gay and just want to be friends." I told her that she can't just come at her and accuse her of being a lesbian if she hadn't opened up about it. I kind of just let it sit, then I got a call from my mom a month later and she was bawling her eyes out-I knew exactly was she was going to say. She broke down and apologized once again and she said, "I don't expect you to accept this about me, but I'm in love with Jenn."

It was hard for me to take at first due to the fact that she disowned me for two years. Her happiness was most important to me, so I forgave her and supported her new relationship. About two months later they "U-Hauled it" and moved in together and about a month and a half later, they were engaged. Now they've been together probably about 7 or 8 months, that I know about.

I asked her because I was curious if she had ever had these thoughts before because sometimes people who have the hardest time accepting other people who are gay because they themselves have thoughts and/or tendencies but are afraid to face them. She responded that she had never had those thoughts but after witnessing my first relationship, it had opened her up to the fact that you don't love someone for their gender, but for who they are. You fall in love with someone, gender completely aside.

I don't think my mom is gay, I think it was a timing thing. Jenn came into her life when she was going through a nasty divorce and was her best friend and supported her. I think my mom looked past the fact that she was a woman and began to take her guard down and get past the whole "I'm going to Hell" thing. She allowed herself to fall in love with this woman, gender aside.

When I see friends struggle with their families, this is often the story that inspires them that there is always hope. My mom was disgusted by me when I came out, but after seeing that love is love, her perspective on the world changed.

I've always had the attitude that I'm going to do what makes me happy, the people who accept it are people I want in my life and the people who don't are a waste of time. Family has always been my priority and I couldn't be happier that I never gave up on my mom.

Nicole

One evening my friend Alison and I went out dancing. It was a night of little excitement. Alison at one point said, "I am so tried of no one wanting me!" I replied, "Look at the women here. Do you want any of these women to really want you?!" At that, Alison went to the bathroom and I scanned the dance floor. There was someone new I hadn't noticed before. He dance style was unique but she really wasn't my type. As I continued to wait for Alison, I moved over to the DJ booth. That's when she walked up, the dancer, and casually leaned against the DJ booth. "Want to dance?" she asked. I really wasn't interested but I wanted to be polite so I said, "Sure".

Once on the dance floor, as she slid into my arms, the sparks flew. I couldn't let her go. Our bodies moved so naturally with each other-there was no longer anyone else in the room. Our faces pressed against each other, sweat dripped between us and we couldn't let each other go. We finally came up for air, so much tension between us-my butterflies were swarming everytime her hand brushed mine. Unfortunately I had to leave (Alison was angry that once again she was alone). We exchanged names, her name was Kelly, and numbers.

I was unable to sleep that night. I was too worked up and couldn't stop thinking about the possibilities with Kelly.

The next morning as I was out with a friend, I received a text from Kelly. She thanked me for the nice night and asked when we could see each other again. My smile was gigantic. It pretty much fell off my face. We made plans for the next night at her place. That next night was the start of something amazing. We had tea, she made me soup and our conversations were nonstop. We ended up in her bedroom sitting on the floor talking about Budhism. I reached over to brush her hair out of her face and she leaned in, our lips met with such passion. It was almost an explosion in which we both needed to hold on and not let go of each other. After things settled down we both expressed how natural it felt to be with each other.

After that night we were together everyday. With everyday, we became closer. I felt comfortable telling her all my deepest thoughts and feelings. She became my best friend. One day as we were eating lunch wee got on the subject of kids. It was a nonserious conversation but I enjoyed getting to know her perspectivce. A few nights later as we were drifting off to sleep, she put her arms across my chest and nuzzled, and my next whispering was-"it makes me happy to think about having kids with you."

Unlike other women I have been with, Kelly always kept my attention. I never lost that butterfly feeling. The smallest touch, the briefest scent of her had me excited and longing for more.

Lenny

I found my heart in San Francisco.

My senior year of college, I attended a student conference in San Francisco. During the opening session, I walked into the room to see a flood of unfamiliar faces. One face, however, stood out. The face belonged to a strikingly handsome guy, about my age, who was sitting at a table in the middle of the room. Despite the guy's good looks, he had a modest and shy demeanor, almost child-like. The seat next to him was empty and I seized the opportunity to get to know him better. His name was Justin and he was a student from Oregon. As I got to know him, I found that he was incredibly intelligent yet approachable, confident yet kind. Justin and I exchanged contact info, but we did not see each other for the next two days until the closing session of the conference.

At the closing session of the conference, I approached him and asked him when he was leaving and what he was doing for the rest of the day. He was leaving in the evening like me, and thus had a few hours to kill in the city. We agreed to do some sightseeing together and made our way out of the hotel. It was a beautiful day and so we decided to walk to the Coit Tower. Along the way, I got to know Justin better and everything he shared with me made me want to know more. When we made it to the top of the Coit Tower, the view was perfect, the weather was perfect, and he seemed perfect. At this point, neither of us had revealed to each other that we were gay and the conversation had remained platonic. I told him about a job offer I had accepted in New York and he revealed that he was intending to go to New York after graduation as well. We agreed to keep in touch until our paths crossed again in the fall.

For the next 6 months, I thought about Justin a lot. We emailed each other occassionally and with each new email I tried to dig in a little deeper to see if he was interested in me romantically. Justin was frustratingly ambiguous in response to my flirtatious advances, which drove me absolutely crazy. By the fall, I had already resigned myself emotionally to just being friends with him.

When I arrived in New York, I called Justin and we agreed to do some sightseeing the next day and meet in Time Square. The day of our meeting, I waited in Time Square, at the busiest intersection in the world. I spotted Justin walking among the crowds. He was far better looking than I had remembered. He greated me with a huge smile and I realized at that moment that I was in love. We proceeded to find a place for lunch. Confused by the ambiguity of the situation, I asked him directly if he was gay. He stammered a bit and told me he was gay, but not out of the closet. I sighed as I realized that a relationship with him would be an uphill battle.

We spent the entire day together walking around New York and ended the evening watching a Broadway show. The day was just as perfect as the day I first met him. I decided to take a risk and hold his hand during the show, an advance to which he obliged. From this day onward, Justin and I would spend two wonderful years together as boyfriends in New York.

My relationship with Justin definitely had its ups and downs, but honestly I would say my two years with him were some of the happiest years of my life. I was crazy about him and he became my best friend. In the end, my hectic travel schedule at work and his starting graduate school led to our split, but we have remained friends since and still share fond memories of each other.

Anonymous

"So Alex do you have somthing you want to tell us?"

Where I grew up, you were supposed to dream of college, high paying jobs, kids, safe neighborhoods, soccer games and eventually marriage. But really I never did. My parents were both together, heck my grandparents were still together at 80 years old. My childhood was not traumatic, but a standard of predominately white hood. I had boyfriends all throughout high school, was considered popular, a star athlete, and made it to college out of state. However, I knew I was different but I never knew why until I allowed myself to get to know myself.

The words gay, lesbian, bisexual, or queer were not in my world. Of course I had lesbian neighbors, my parent's had gay friends that visited all the time, a couple of teachers who were also gay but I wasn't aware or knew any different growing up. I remember telling my first love, a boy, that I thought I wasn't straight. Looking back I know that I enjoyed drunkenly kissing my girl friends, loved being surrounded by women, was a rough 'en tough girl, and never brought into the ideal of growing up, getting married and having kids. For me I wanted, and still want to change the world. This all started when I went away and met the strongest, most open and honest group of women I have ever had in my life.

In this group I found what I was missng. My life became female centered and this allowed me to really explore my own understanding of myself. I became passionate about women's health, protested, talked about uncomfortable issues, and bonded with like-minded women. But at the same time I wouldn't let these relationships go any further with women. I had this concept in my mind that others in my life would name this a "phase" just because I was so involved in women's rights, then of course I would "experiment". I let this hold me back for a year, where I found myself jealous of lesbian couples, or others who labeled themselves queer and knew what that meant for them. I had gay friends who kept saying, "alright Alex whenever you wanna come out, just let me know." I was afraid of myself, and what myself might be.

This fear ended with a fateful night of dancing at a gay bar with a woman that wouldn't leave me alone, and I wouldn't leave her. Unlike my past relationships, which were all still with men, the connection and chemistry were instant. I couldn't stop kissing and touching this woman, and wanted more. I was still scared but more excited that I had let something inside free, and then I wanted to share it with everyone. I took things slow though to give myself time to reflect and just be. From this point on I knew whatever label I was, just like in high school, I was not and am not straight.

Besides a few flings, and weak relationships, I spent two years of my life with one woman. I learned the essence of really being happy in one's skin, and telling others who didn't know for years that I wasn't straight, that I was dating a woman. I was lucky, and had surrounded myself with amazing open-minded people so the "coming out" wasn't like it was for some of my friends. Sure I was misunderstood, was the talk of my hometown for awhile, and felt like I had to prove myself in the community at times; but all in all, it was a beautiful life change.

So when I was walking around the lake with my parents during Christmas break one year, and they posed this question to me, "so Alex, do you have something you want to tell us?" I was finally ready. Not to say from this point on there weren't challenges, but I took on those challenges knowing that I was presenting my whole self. I am always thankful for everyone I have in my life who have supported me and understood me, and I only wish that everyone who is not straight and straight would expeirence the same.

Today, I have to admit that that two-year relationship is over. After a move across the country together, many difficult nights and decisions we ended. I dated another woman after that, until I went on a road trip with a good friend, who happened to be a man. So six years after coming out, and vowing to never be with a man again, love happened. It is mysterious, but I learned to listen and be open to what life hands me. This attitude is the same way I was able to be open about all of my sexuality. So now, I live as a "hasbian" that some judgmental people would say, I am proud to share my story, be proud, and still be part of a community to help diversify and also learn it's own acceptance.

Alex

I'm bad at this game I mean the love game. I got lucky in my last relationship that's for sure. I don't know where this one picked me up...

So once upon a time there was this young girl, the ripe young age of 21. Her name was Consuelo and she had just moved to Denver. The first person she met took her out to The Roxy, which at the time, was the happenin' gay spot in town. She then proceeded to buy Consuelo shot after shot of Patron. Consuelo found herself gettin' freaky on one of the lounge tables and had found she had somehow misplaced her pants. As she danced, she brought attention to herself and started meeting the lesbians about the town. Amongst these lesbians, was a young girl named Jeanna.

Jeanna was originally from California and this was her going away party as she was about to move back in a couple of days. Both of us being completely wasted, we moved on with our night enjoying our own separate good times. The next morning, Consuelo awoke with an awful hangover and with a spotted and vague memory of the night before. The memory of Jeanna would never again arise but Consuelo would hear about this girl again dun dun DUN!!!!

For the next year Consuelo would continue to hear about this girl Jeanna. She came to visit a few times and having mutual friends, there were always plans for the two groups to meet up. However, every time something would come up or someone would leave early so Consuelo and Jeanna would only continue to hear about one another. They eventually became friends on MySpace but the friendship was nothing more than a comment here or a message "hello" there yadda yadda yadda.

In a strange twist of fate, Consuelo and Jeanna continued to talk more before Jeanna's next visit to Colorado and they agreed to hang out this particular visit. Then Consuelo went to JR's for "Dollar Beer Thursdays" (of course) where Jeanna spotted her. Unfortunately Jeanna only spotted her as she was leaving to venture elsewhere. Consuelo woke up the next morning and received an IM from Jeanna saying, "I saw you last night" and Consuelo replied with the obvious response, "so you're stalking me now?!" Jeanna said, "yes" but then explained that she only saw Consuelo as she was leaving. So Consuelo asked Jeanna if she was planning on going to First Friday that night. Then they agreed once again to meet up and actually meet each other in person and remember it.

But of course everything in Consuelo's life being a ridiculous adventure, and due to circumstances of an ex girlfriend and a brick wall, their planned meeting was once again foiled. The next day, they covered each other's MySpace walls with conversation. Intrigued by this girl, Consuelo sent Jeanna her phone number. Day and night it seemed that they would text each other. On a whim, Consuelo suggested coming out to visit and spending her Thanksgiving in California with Jeanna. Within a week the ticket was purchased and another week later, Consuelo was en route to California, thinking it would be nothing more than just fun, maybe a little more than fun (wink wink) and just time for them to enjoy each other's company. Little did they both know, what would happen next...

Consuelo landed and hit the bars, Jeanna was not there yet, but on her way. Consuelo had two Jager Bombs and a Vodka RedBull. Jeanna called to let Consuelo know that she had arrived at the airport and Consuelo walked out to meet this girl face to face for the first time. Jeanna found Consuelo and she too was carrying a Vodka RedBull. (The drinks were there to calm the nerves). Before going out, Jeanna needed to stop by her work at the porn store. After finishing what she needed to get done, they stepped outside and shared their first kiss. Most might find this crazy, it was a first kiss outside of a porn store after all, but for them it was as if they had been touched by Cupid himself.

The end of the trip came and Consuelo had to return to Denver and what they thought was going to be a good time with new friends was starting to bud into something more. For the next year, they would go back and forth between Colorado and California, slowly building their relationship.

Right around Jeanna's birthday, Consuelo headed out as she had time and time before with a backpack and roll-on. Something was different this time though, she only had a one-way ticket. There were plans of her coming back, they just weren't sure of when. They shared a conversation and it was decided for Consuelo to stay. They had lots of fun, Consuelo started performing with a dance group and Jeanna continued with her Roller Derby and life was good.

While the past seven months had been great, there were issues financially and Consuelo's friends and support system were still in Denver. So Consuelo decided that it was for the best and they would both be happiest that for this next time that they both went to visit Denver to visit family and friends, Consuelo would stay in Denver. Alas, the distance between Consuelo and Jeanna was too much and they decided to break up. Even though they are no longer a couple, they have remained friends and their relationship will always have an influence on their lives in a positive way.

The End

Consuelo