Starting a GSA in the Bible Belt

Love. That is how my parents raised me. They taught me to always love with everything I had. What they didn't teach me was that is everyone wasn't raised the same way.

We were avid church goers. I grew up in the Bible Belt of Texas, so this wasn't that unusual. Every Sunday morning I got up early and went to mass. I participated in organizations such as; Christian Student Union and Fellowship of Christian Athletes. I was serious about my faith and my devotion to God. I always had my pocket Bible with me everywhere I went. I went on retreats and mission trips to spread my love. I was a good Christian.

So when I was finally able to admit to myself that I was in fact attracted to girls, coming out was simple.  My father cried because he was so sad that I had felt like I couldn't tell him right away. I mean, I was seriously so lucky. My identity was embraced with open arms from my friends and family.

I was on the speech and debate teams at my high school, and was starting to get into gay rights. My coach sat me down and explained to me what was happening in our city. She said that there were these organizations called Gay-Straight Alliances (GSA) and one high school was in the process of suing the school for not allowing the club. In order for them to win their case there had to be one other high school that would start an alliance to prove that is was necessary in schools. So I did it.

I started a GSA in my high school. I was so excited to provide an outlet for other QLGTB youth. I couldn't believe I hadn't been the one to think of it first. Since I had started the GSA, my city created a central organization for all the high schools in the area to get together and meet once a month.

Quickly the word spread about the GSA. Once a month I made handmade rainbow signs to advertise our meetings. It was about six months of my club being up and running that things started to change. There was mean slander written on my signs, signs torn down and ripped up, and other signs put up to replace mine.

I still remember it like it was yesterday. Walking into the cafeteria and being stopped dead in my tracks. In a split second everything I grew up believing, all of my faith, was destroyed. I had spent hours, days, years devoting my life to God and all the organizations. How was I repaid? With a sign from the Christian Student Union, at least 20 feet long, with quotes from the Bible about killing homosexuals. I stood there in horror. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. How could an organization that preaches love extend so much hate?

I spent the next few weeks struggling with the fact that my God would allow such hatred to happen. The members of the GSA stopped coming to the meetings out of fear. Where did this come from? I spent 16 years knowing only love and tolerance. It was as if my world had been shattered.

One morning, before class, I was sitting in the cafeteria waiting for the bell to ring for first period. My principal sat down next to me. These last few weeks I had learned to fear. I was afraid of why she was sitting there. Every possible scenario went through my head. Then she said, "I think the GSA is the only organization we need on this campus. Obviously tolerance is something all students need to learn. I am proud of you and will offer protection for your group."

I am pretty sure I cried. That was the day I realized that not everyone was as lucky as me. My parents taught me to love so big. I could not be more grateful for my experiences.

Jacquelyn

They've always told me that you will find love when you least expect it or when you are not looking for it; and now, speaking from experience I know this to be true. I found my love sitting on her couch, in my sweats, fresh off the plane having traveled from Portland back to Denver all day long, with my laundry (and underwear) strewn about her kitchen...

A very good friend of mine told me about her successful story of love and the first thing she said to me was how she had taken the time to be single and work on herself and although I had claimed that I was going to do this for years and how I wanted to do this, I never did. It wasn't until actually being single that I realized that I did in fact have intimacy issues, which I had already suspected, but this particular issue was the opposite of what I had originally thought it was.

Flash forward nine months and I met Kristen and something clicked. She literally took my breath away as she walked down the steps and according to witnesses, I had a 'shit-eating-grin' on my face as we introduced ourselves. We went on a couple of dates and I now recognize that I was still very hesitant, due to my intimacy issue and when she asked me to be her girlfriend, I hesitated. At this point I had been working on my intimacy issue and I wanted to make absolute sure that I was making a conscious decision and not a flippant one. I can say that to this day, saying yes to her was one of the smartest decisions I have ever made. Kristen is intelligent, kind, funny, gorgeous, motivated and hard working, patient and understanding. I really hit the jack pot with this one!

The same friend that I referenced earlier also mentioned in a conversation when discussing relationships, that people need to choose to love one another. Meaning, if you've had a long day and you're stressed out and sleep deprived and your partner says something that annoys you, instead of giving into that stress and biting your partner's head off, you stop, breath, and choose to love you partner in that moment. Be it calmly explaining to  your partner that you do not appreciate how they are acting, or halting the growing negativity completely by grabbing your partner and kissing him/her, or realizing that the comment was not a personal attack meant to annoy you.

I couldn't agree more with my dear friend about having an awareness around choosing to love your partner on a conscious level. Kristen and I choose to love each other on a daily basis. We don't fight. We talk and do not yell or push buttons. We listen to each other. We communicate. We work opposite schedules where on some days we only see each other as I leave for work in the morning and when she comes home from work later that night. Despite our limited face time we still value the time we do have and make sure to honor one another and our relationship. Along these same lines, on our worst days, when we're sad, forgetful, anxious, angry or moody, we choose to accept one another in her momentary weakness and love each other rather than belittle or berate the other.

Last week during one of our seasonal storms, Kristen was kind enough to offer me her car to drive safely to work since my car does not have 4WD. As I put my stuff inside her car and got out again to clean the car, I accidentally hit the automatic lock button and locked everything, my phone, my wallet and my lunch in the car with the ignition running. I woke Kristen back up and she gave me my car keys and told me to go to work and she'd take care of it. Not only did she deal with the headache of calling Geico to get the keys unlocked, waiting outside in the snow, she then came to my work to drop off my purse and lunch, but also took the time to take me to get my favorite tea because I had been sick.

Moments like this morning are an example of Kristen choosing to love me. Instead of becoming angry with me for locking her keys in her car with the ignition running, or getting annoyed with waking her back up early in the morning or becoming resentful that she had to drive 30 miles out of her way to bring me my lunch, she showed up with a smile and a kiss for me. This example is one of many moments that Kristen has shown her love for me. There are other sweet little moments where she remembers to bite off the top of the banana for me because I think tops of the banana are gross and they freak me out!

All this to say I couldn't be happier. Although we haven't been together for very long, our relationship has been easy and fun and exciting everyday. I still get excited when I know I'm going home to see her after work or she is coming home to see me. When I hear her voice I still get butterflies in my stomach. To me she is still the most flawless woman on this earth and her smile still takes my breath away. I love her unconditionally and she makes my life better in every way. She calms me when I'm becoming overly passionate as well as reminding me of reason when I become irrational. She accepts me during my most self-conscious moments and makes me laugh to ease the tension and make me feel better. We are good for one another-we balance each other out. I now realize that all of those cliches about love and 'happily ever after' are in fact true and are possible.

Even though my parents are still together after 32 and a half years of marriage, my sister and I have often talked about how we are not sure if people are really meant to be together for their entire lives. I am not even 32 years old, let alone being with one person for 32 years...I grew up with a healthy, loving example of two people spending their lives together and I still was not sure if this 'fairy tale ending' was going to happen to me. After meeting Kristen however, I'm quite certain that it will.

Happy Valentine's Day Love
Mia

I'm not sure as a child I knew what love was, in fact, I am not sure even to this day that I know what love is. I don't believe in the heart dropping, butterflies in the stomach completely enamored kind of "in love" many people purport to experience. I heard a lot about love being raised in a two parent Christian home, especially agape love. It's an interesting concept that can be briefly described as a divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. My parents demonstrated this kind of love to me and my siblings our entire lives by always loving and supporting us - even when we broke rules and I came out.

I don't put much stock in feelings as shown on TV or we read about in books because they seem ethereal and fleeting. With that being said, I have found true one important caveat in my life that may be considered a facet of love, according to the idea of agape. That is committment.

My friends would say this is an odd word for me to use because I am a self-proclaimed and many times chastised committment-a-phobe.

Committment is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as the following:

1 a: an act of committing to charge or trust: as (1): a consignment to a penal or mental institution (2): an act of referring a matter to a legislative committee b: mittimus
2 a: an aggreement or pledge to do something in the future; especially: an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date b: something pledged c: the state or instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled <a committment to a cause>

Obviously, the first definitions is not the one I'm concerned with. The second is. Unwittingly all of my adult life, I have been committing to people on different levels. First date, undefined whatever, casually dating, survivor, f**k buddy, friends with benefits, best friend, confidant, girlfriend/boyfriend (depending on my personal mood or gender preference at that stage in life), someone who will be there, provider, fiance, live in partner, domestic partner, joint account sharer and the list goes on.

We all have been one of these at different times. I am a biological woman who has enjoyed committing on varying levels to many woman over the course of my life. In every interaction I was shaped and learned so much from each of them, as I hoped they learned from me. I have bettered as a person and partner due to every word exchanged (harsh or kind), from every adventure taken, from every glance stolen and every memory shared. Today I can say that I am in the most seriously committed and non ambiguous relationship in my life, which I never would have been able to say had it not come for the women before.

With that said, I am not very different than most people: straight, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, transgendered, intersex etc. We all commit on some level to something at some point in time.

Natalie

I had undergone a minor surgery that had left me in major pain. The surgery was done in my mouth, which left talking difficult, breathing uncomfortable and eating near impossible. My girlfriend at the time requested two shifts off in order to be with me the night before, (these procedures seem to make me quite anxious), then to take me the morning of, and spend the rest of the day with me.

The pain is nothing like I have ever felt in my life and she was there to make me laugh, rub my back when I cried, make delcious smoothies for me to drink and comfort me when I was feeling anxious. Without asking she completed my grocery shopping and even thought to buy my favorite lavander bubble bath. She drew me a bath that first night and helped me shower since I was high on percocet.

She had to work and go to class the next couple of days but after her shifts and classes she came right over to my house to continue to take care of me (she happened to live an hour a half away from me) so I wouldn't have to be alone at night. After five days of commuting and being my bedside nurse, she surprised me by coming up one night when I wasn't expecting her just to make sure that I was doing alright.

About a month after my surgery our relationship ended in one big hot mess. To this day we do not talk and have gone our separate ways, but I am still very thankful for how well this woman took care of me during a difficult and scary moment in my life.

Anonymous

Despite what myself and many people seem to think, people can change. This post is about my grandfather and what a truly amazing man he is.

My grandfather was born and raised in The Great Depression era and to this day he still eats every last bite of food on his plate. He wanted to serve in the army during World War II, but a heart defect prevented his tour overseas. A man built of American pride and honor, he is steeped in tradition, which although may be admirable on some level, there is another side as well.

My whole life I have always heard the rationalizations of, "oh it was just a different time" or "back in those days we never talked about anything", and be this as it may, I do not consider these justifications appropriate to condone closed minded thinking that seems to have been so normal during this time period and which still continues today.

Although my grandfather has never been overtly racist or homophobic, he certainly had his beliefs and opinions. He did not support biracial marriage until two of the best cousins/grandchildren a family could have who were both adopted and happened to be the product of interracial relationships, this prejudice was softened in him.

Along these same lines, my grandfather did not support homosexual lifestyles. A cousin of mine came out 30 years ago and I am told that my grandfather gave him the 'cold shoulder' after he came out. Backstory: my grandfather has always been a very sensitive man, despite his many prejudices, and has been known to cry on many occasions. To further his sentiment, about 8 years ago, my grandfather sustained a heart "event" as he calls it, so severe that he actually flat lined and was proclaimed dead. Well 8 years later he is still fighting, despite two knee replacements, a minor stroke and a major hernia.

After this heart event, my sister and I always remark on how much more sensitive Papa had become. Surprising us with random phone calls simply to tell us he loved us for no special reason or occasion. Even though Papa has always been a sensitive man, he never had children of his own and he is technically my step-grandfather, he has always loved his grandchildren so severly that I have always considered him to be biological family.

Two years ago now, I realized I was gay and came out to my family. I have never been shy or ashamed of who I am but there was great discussion as to whether or not I should come out to Papa. The general consensus among my immediate family was that Papa is old and that I shouldn't tell him for my own sake. That I wouldn't want to alienate myself from him during his last years.

Being the firey, pugnacious individual that I am prone to be, I first interpreted this as being cowardly. I didn't want to lie about or hide who I am and I wanted to be able to be open about my life, all of my life. Once I calmed down and thought about the logistics of this however, I came to agree with my family. My romantic life was never really a topic of conversation shared with Papa anyway and my coming out to him was not in fact a priority.

Backstory part 2: My grandparents have always had a summer cabin that we as a family have traditionally visited each summer (I took my first steps in this exact cabin). As my grandparents have aged they have decided to sell the cabin because no one else in our family would use it as much so last year we had a mini family reunion to celebrate our memories of the times spent in the woods. My cousin, the one who had come out 30 years ago, attended this reunion and was able to interact with my grandfather. Apparently after this long weekend, my grandfather called my cousin and apologized for treating him the way he had and told him he was thankful for their time together because he realized what a wonderful man he is.

My family saw this incident as an opportunity to welcome Papa into my situation as well. This past summer my parents visited the cabin and my mom told me that she and my father had been considering telling my grandparents about my sexuality. They thought that it might be easier for Papa to digest if I wasn't there and so I decided to give my parents the green light to out me.

The day I knew my parents were returning to town, I missed a phone call from my grandfather while I was at work. He left me a message and asked me to call him when I had a chance. On my way home from work I called Papa and he told me that he had had a wonderful weekend with my parents. More specifically however he wanted to tell me that he loved me and supported me and was proud of me. He continued on to say that he realized that love is love and that is what is most important-that it doesn't matter who you love but that you love and are loved. Through tears, he then apologized for taking 84 years to come to this realization and for acting so cold and closed minded throughout his life and I reassured him that what mattered was that he was able to open his mind and at 84, that is a pretty amazing thing.

We cried together and I thanked him for his support and he reminded me that that was it-he supported me and my life. Honestly I was very shocked to receive such an immediatley warm response to my revelation, but knowing Papa's kind heart despite all of his many prejudices, I'm not too shocked that he was able to come around. I called my sister and mom and we all cried together on the phone and I promptly sent a 'thank-you' card to my grandparents thanking them for their love and support.

I realize that unfortunatley not all people who have been or are closed off to homosexual lifestyles eventually open their hearts and minds, but people can and do change. My 84 year old grandfather is a testament to this. Many people say that it just takes knowing one LGTBQ person to change the mind of someone and I know this to be true from my experience. Love is a powerful thing and does in fact have the power to open even the most closed off of hearts.

Mia

It all started in Rehab. I was a very confused young lady, about everything, about life. I started going to a few meetings, and as I was going to these meetings and getting clean I was coming to terms with who I was and who I am and who I wanted to be.

So, there was this girl that was very quiet and very...mysterious. She was somebody I wanted to get to know. At this point, I thought I was completely straight and never thought about women. I started hanging out with her and we had so much in common. She was straight as well, or so she thought. We would listen to music and she would teach me all of the "rave" dance moves. We were 15 and it was awesome. We were getting sober together.

We talked about sexuality. I told her I thought about being with women. I thought they were beautiful and she agreed and we both agreed we had thoughts and tendencies. I remember this one night we were at an open meeting, a family meeting so everyone was there. We saunteered off to the courtyard (we were so cool) and I don't quite remember what we were talking about, but I do remember that her back was to the shed and I was just looking at her and she was looking at me, all of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling that I wanted to kiss her sooooooooooooooooo bad. Then she ran up to me and gave me the biggest fucking kiss of my life!

It was just that from there. She had a boyfriend at the time, she left him (thank God). We decided to be together. That lasted a good 4 days...but all in all I finally came to terms with the fact that I was gay.

There was a part of me that was missing and I wasn't sure what and then as soon as I found out, I was ecstatic. I felt free and that all doors were open.

I wanted to come out to my parents but that was scary. I was nervous because I didn't know how they'd feel about it. I didn't know if they'd disown me-all of these fucking thoughts were flying through my head. So I discussed some things with my drug counselor who happened to be bisexual, which was awesome. She just told me to take the plunge.

I started with my dad because he seemed to be more forgiving. I remember it being in the car where we always used to have weird conversations, like our first sex talk. I remember being like, "Dad, I have something to tell you," and he just gave me a look. I told him "I don't know how you're going to take it," (looking back on it he probably thought I was pregnant), I said, "Dad I know I like women." He said, "Oh yeah? What makes you think that?" and basically the whole conversation came down to "I love you and accept you no matter what!"

My mom was another story however. My mom just rolled her eyes and told me it was a phase but you know what mom?! It's still a phase six years later haha and to this day she still thinks it's a phase and I'll marry a man and have little babies.

By the time I turned 18 I worked at Tracks nightclub and that's when all the lesbians exploded in my life. I can't even imagine where I'd be without this community because all the women are beautiful and crazy and fun and dramatic. I feel like throughout all the friendships I've had over the years I've had the strongest connections with my lesbians friends.

I've dated men, and dated one guy since I came out and it was not for me. I would like to say that I'm pansexual and that I love all, but at the end of the day I'm attracted to women and it is what it is and it's awesome!

Jordan

My girlfriend and I were talking recently and she asked me, "did you feel like you finally became yourself once you realized you were gay?" Although I knew I liked girls at the age of 16 and dated a few here and there, I didn't come out until about a year and a half ago.

Looking back on my life I realize that it wasn't until coming out and realizing that I am in fact gay, I had never truly been comfortable in my shoes. I went through many phases, mostly with my appearance, trying new looks out unconsciously trying to find my place in the world. I was a hippie in high school and dabbled in the goth realm shortly there after.

I was a tomboy as a young girl and joke to this day with my parents that I was the son they never had. Prefering dirt and trucks over dancing and dolls I befriended young boys rather than young girls and played rough as a little one. I even have a few memories of taking my grandmother into the little boys section of clothing when she took me shopping as a child.

Sure one could say that all of these memories either fall into society's engenderized notions or that as a lesbian I myself am feeding into homophobic stereotypes, but I will be the first to say that stereotypes originate from somewhere (it's when people judge someone based on stereotypes or hold them against somone that becomes the problem).

I digress...20 years later after having lived my life as a full lesbian for over a year, I believe I have finally found the self that I am most comfortable in. I feel most comfrotable as well as sexy in men's clothes as well as taking on the "male role" in a romantic relationship. (Honestly I believe that society's ideas of male vs. female and the roles each should play are far too limited, but that's another post entirely).

It was not until my girlfriend actually asked me that question that day about finally feeling more comfortable in my own skin after coming out but she was right. Even though I was raised in the Bay Area, one of the most open and accepting communities in the U.S. homosexuality was still not exposed. Homophobia was not rampant and I was not raised to believe that living a gay lifestyle was wrong, but being gay was not an option for me. The society in which I was raised was so heterocentric there was no question in my mind that I was going to find a man, fall in love, get married, have kids and share the rest of my life with him. There are messages everywhere that reinforce these heterocentric ideas, on greeting cards, in songs and commercials, in movies and magazine advertizements and there are virtually no images in society that suggest that two men or two women can settle down and be just as happy as a man and woman could.

People ask whether or not I could date a man again, and although I have no idea of what my future holds, I think most likely not. I am so happy to be gay because it feels so right for me. After searching throughout the years of my life to find out who I am and now having finally discovered the true me, I have no desire to go back. (Let it be said that I do not hate men). I love who I am, sexuality and all and sure I would prefer to live in a society in which I had equal rights and was not discriminated against, but even still, I could not be happier or more proud to be gay and know that this is the person that I am meant to be.

Mia