Seeing as it is Pride month, I feel compelled to share my thoughts around the notion of pride...

The celebration of Pride marks the anniversary of the brave souls who fought back against the discrimination and refused to take it anymore. I believe it is important to take a moment to reflect on the Stonewall Riots and the events that took place in the Manhattan bar.

To me, pride means being proud of who you are. Speaking from experience this is not nearly as simple as it sounds and I for one have had to actively work, and rework at this process within myself. For many years I sought my approval outside of myself and although this validation was found, I was never fulfilled. It took many years to realize that I needed to validate myself in order to build and foster my self esteem which in turn could lead to pride.

I teach at a treatment facility for at-risk youth in which behavior modification is key. Every student present has a diagnosed behavioral disorder and we attempt to teach new behaviors to help these adolescents become more successful in life. A major theme present amongst this population is low self-esteem. These students will be the first to say that they do not respect or value themselves and therefore they do not care that their actions and choices may reflect upon them poorly.

Attempting to teach self respect in order to change behaviors has been a great point of reflection for myself. One difficulty that I struggle with is victimization and being a part of the LGTBQ population I catch myself sometimes falling into this modality. I allow myself, because of the oppression, hate, discrimination, (the list goes on...), to become angry, emotional and reactionary rather than calm and proactive.

My girlfriend's father, a very intelligent man, said last weekend that when dealing with difficult people or situations, it is important to model the desired behavior. Those who know me know that I am a very passionate individual and can become impassioned quite quickly, especially when I feel that I, or someone I care about, is being disrespected. For me, remaining diplomatic and calm in these sort of situations can be quite challenging.

They say that opposite's attract and although my girlfriend and I have some similarities, we are very different people. When handling a situation, my girlfriend, is much more calm, cool and collected; as a result, she presents herself very rationally, eloquently and respectfully. I am privileged to have such an amazing woman by my side to help me grow and learn.

A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend and I, found ourselves in a very uncomfortable situation. Without going into great detail, we were invited to an event at which many people were not happy with our presence. Thankfully no major incident occurred, but it was very obvious that many were very uncomfortable with us. This event was very emotional for us because it was supposed to be a joyful event but because of the rude stares and unnecessary comments, our joy was transformed into fear and anger. 

After this event, we vowed to each other that we were no longer going to partake in any event where we had to be "just friends". We talked and decided that it is not our job to further a person's ignorance by remaining in the closet for their comfort. We are respectful young women that handle ourselves appropriately and if people are uncomfortable with our presence, then they can leave. We have no desire to force people to be immediately accepting of homosexuals, but we simply would like to be safe and comfortable being ourselves.

All this to say, I believe that one of the most important aspects of pride, especially for the LGTBQ community is to be out. Don't get me wrong, I understand that safety is a number one priority that should be considered first and foremost. With this said, I believe that the whole "coming out" process is in itself bullshit. It is a privilege to be heterosexual in this society because us LGTBQ-ers still lack many of the same rights simply because of who we are. It is a privilege not to have to announce to the world that you like a member of the same sex or that you plan on transitioning, all the while being terrified that you will be emotionally or physically attacked, cut off or cut out. I hope for a day when people will stop assuming that everyone is heterosexual and people won't have to come out anymore.

Until that day however, I believe that coming out is essential to the community. Many articles and studies are being published that those who have opposed homosexuality are becoming more accepting due to familiarity. There are many assumptions, beliefs and generalizations about how members of the community act and unfortunately no one but us can dispel those judgements. Is this fair? No, but if we want our rights and equality then it is our job is to educate. Nelson Mandela said it best, "there is no better tool to change the world than education."

I realize that by putting ourselves in situations simply to educate people with assumptions and preconceived notions can be exhausting, demoralizing, unsafe and frustrating, to say the least, the best way we can educate people is to simply be ourselves. My girlfriend read an article about a lesbian basketball player awhile back who although was out, argued that it is no one's business whom she loved. I agree with her, but to an extent. It is no one's business whom I love, but because American society is still so heterocentric, we as a community need to end the assumptions that everyone is straight.

Many of my students are very homophobic and have no problem expressing these views and I have had many conversations with them simply asking about and challenging their beliefs. Through these discussions and by questioning them I have been able to change some opinions. Yes outing myself in the face of hate is terrifying, this never gets easier unfortunatley, but I have decided that I am proud to be a lesbian woman and because of this, I will not hide who I am to anyone. To me, pride means being out.

When I have been able to remain diplomatic and respectful while facing prejudice and discrimination, I know I have made much more of an effect than when I have become angry and emotional. More importantly however, looking back on these situations, I am more proud of myself when I conduct myself maturely than when I do not act calmly. I cannot control another person's opinions and no matter how much I may want to change them, I cannot. I have learned so much from working with these students but the most important lesson I have learned is that I can only be myself and by having pride in myself and my actions, I can put my best self forward.

Please do not read this and think that I think that if you are still in the closet or questioning that you have no pride. Coming out is a process and should be done on one's own terms when one feels it is right. However, I will say that I hope that people can have enough pride in themselves to not hide who they are. Remember, bullies have little to no self respect, this is why they bully people. They do not like themselves so they pick on other people to make themselves feel better. I am not excusing their actions, but do not, under any circumstance, ever let another person's opinions of you change your opinion of yourself. Their opinion reflects upon them and who they are, not you.

Have a very happy and safe Pride!! :)