When I think about this I think of the first girlfriend I ever had. This was the only monogamous relationship I ever had. We got together when I was 14 and were together the entire time I was 15.

So I ended up meeting her through one of my other friends and at first we were just really good friends. She was Catholic and so was her family. And this was before I came out and before she had come out. So her family taught her that being gay is really really bad and that she would go to Hell for lack of words. There are a lot of gay people in my family, but the are not openly gay.

Her mom ended up finding out that we were together and her mom flipped out. Her mom wanted me dead flipped out. Her mom forbid her from ever talking to me again, took her phone and grounded her for about a month and she ended up getting sent to her grandmother's house, who is also very religious.

Her grandmother lived on the same side of town as me and her grandma hadn't met me so she didn't know who I was, so I could keep visiting her. It got to the point where I was over there all the time, all my stuff was over there and it really pissed my mom off and then her mom found out that I was going over there.  He mom flipped and her aunts flipped and her cousins flipped and her grandmother flipped. They all flipped.

But her dad was divorced from her mom and she got sent to her dad's so I went to visit her there. I'm pretty sure her dad caught us making out on the couch and he didn't say anything and just left. He didn't say anything for awhile and just ignored it which is pretty funny and interesting at the same time.

So this gets harder and harder to keep on seeing each other. For her to sneak over to my place and for me to sneak over to hers. About a year passed throughout all this time, and pretty much we started getting into a lot of trouble together, partying and doing a bunch of stupid things. We ended up getting in trouble for curfew and trespassing, a bunch of stuff. And then my mom said she couldn't come over at all, which made us both kind of rebel against both of our families.

After so much drinking and partying, our relationship became abusive where we would drink a lot and get into fights. When we were sober we would laugh about it and think it was funny. After this went on for so long, our fights got aggressive and there was a time period where we hand't seen each other for awhile and I found out she had cheated on me. So we ended up breaking up for awhile and then for awhile we were on again, off again; on again, off again. And then we finally broke up for good.  I think we both went on the rebound, like really crazy. I'm 18 and still on the rebound.

This feels like the best relationship I have ever had and the only solid relationship I have ever had. It's interesting how this relationship started out healthy and fell apart. I don't look back upon it like it was a bad relationship. I do feel like I really was genuinely in love with her though. I feel like my first love was my first heart break too. And this isn't always people's idea of love.

Looking back I realize that I needed to let go of the relationship sooner. The first year was amazing but the second year was shit. I learned to not hold onto a bad relationship and to let it go if need be.

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