In light of the recent stir that has resulted from both Michael Sam and Ellen Page coming out in the past two weeks, I feel it pertinent to discuss the importance of coming out. Before I begin, I firmly believe that one should only ever come out when he, she, they, or xe, are ready and only for him, her, they, xe self. With that being said...

While I would say that the majority of the response to both Michael Sam and Ellen Page coming out has been positive, there still seems to be the pervasive questions of 'why does it matter?' First, let me say that by coming out, no one is inviting another person into his, her, their, xe bedroom. Just like when a hetero cis bodied male refers to his girlfriend or wife, he is not inviting anyone into his bedroom.He is simply stating that he has a female partner. The same rules apply for the LGTBQI community. Announcing that one is gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, asexual does not automatically describe one sex's life. If a person begins to think about that person's sex life simply because he, she, they or xe came out, well then that's the latter person's responsibility and not of the person who came out.

Moving on, the reason why coming out is still so essential today is because in the United States, the majority of the population still assumes that everyone is straight. All the messages that are displayed are hetero centric and only recently are same sex and trans images being represented. Coming out dispels this hetero biased assumption and challenges people to accept and realize that not everyone is cis body and straight.

Watching Ellen Page's six minute speech and hearing her voice quaver, I am reminded of the walk I took with my parents five years ago when I outed myself to them. Coming out, announcing to your parents, friends, your boss and colleagues and to the world is not easy. My parents have lived in the Bay Area for the past forty years and were 1960s hippies and I was still terrified that I would be judged or rejected by them. Yes I should have known better, but because this society still sends the message, both subtly as well as overtly, that one should be hetero sexual, the fear and anxiety that I felt from realizing that I was in fact not straight and wanted to make it known still shook me to my core. When I first realized that I liked girls more than boys, I ignored this realization for years because it was too much to bear at the time.

I had it easy. There are still countless stories both past and present throughout the world of individuals being rejected, scrutinized, beaten, tortured, arrested and killed simply for being who they are. This is still the reality of today. There is still pervasive hate and fear as well as ignorance surrounding the LGTBQI community and I have many personal connections that have not had and continue to not have it easy because of who they are.

As Ellen Page said, 'if we stop being horrible to each other, well then maybe the world will be a better place.' I had a friend ask me if life was really all that hard for the LGTBQI community in light of the progress that has been made in this country and I was taken aback by his question. Yes, despite the huge advances that have been made which are exciting and promising, there are still those that are actively trying to limit and ultimately restrict basic human rights (i.e. the Kansas House Legislature just last week).

Rather than preach about how challenging and downright awful it still can be to be a member of the LGTBQI community, I write tonight in hopes that if people still are curious as to why it matters that people announce who they like and who they are, this post will provide them with answers.

1. Coming out honors and authenticates who one is
There were so many years in which I was dating men that something was always missing. There seemed to be a disconnect between what I was told and envisioned what I should have and what was actually there for me. It was not until I started dating women that this disconnect was no more. Finally everything I wanted was there and I was no longer confused.

People do not exist within this society in bubbles. Sure one can stay closeted or keep one's true self private, but like Ellen Page said, "I am sick of lying by omission." Yes one's sexuality or gender is not the business of anyone else, but because we live in a communal world, the burden of not sharing one's true self with those that matter in their life can lead to what Page called, 'suffering'.

2. Coming out provides hope for others who might be questioning or know they are family
The majority of these country's messages still are hetero centric. Song lyrics, billboards, magazine pictures, relationships in TV and movies, (the list goes on), still portray man and woman and these messages continue to suggest that this is what should be. Knowing that there are actors, teachers, politicians, athletes, musicians, and the like that are members of the LGTBQI family gives people someone to look up to. To relate to. To prove to them that they can be out and successful too. That they are not alone. That they are not a disease, or mistake or abomination.

4. Coming out helps dispel homo/bi/trans phobic stereotypes
Sure there have been shows that portray members of the LGTBQI community but unfortunately the majority of these images are steeped in stereotypes and homophobic caricatures of what a gay man should be. (Think of Jack from 'Will and Grace' or Mitch and Cam from 'Modern Family'). To continue, when these relationships are shown on TV shows, the partners are hardly ever affectionate with one another. Rarely do we see same sex kisses. I can still remember what a big deal it was when Willow and Tara and Jack and Will shared on screen kisses on basic cable TV.

To expand, this country seems to have made progress in same aspects of accepting the LGTBQI community, but within certain categories. The effeminate, gossipy, fabulous gay male best friend is the object of desire for any straight girl. The hot, feminine, 'lipstick' lesbian and her equally as femme girlfriend is the fantasy of most males in this country. The importance of Michael Sam coming out is this: he has blasted apart the stereotype that all gay men are feminine and would rather go shopping than play a sport. Until these stereotypes are no longer, coming out is still important.

The belief that all lesbians are more butch and that all gay men are more effeminate are ignorant beliefs that need to end. Just because a woman has long hair does not mean that she is straight and just because a man gets pedicures does not mean he is gay.

5. Coming out challenges certain discriminatory interpretations of religious texts
Instead of debating homosexuality and religion let me say this: I know many members of the LGTBQI community who devoutly practice and I know many religiously affiliated allies that accept LGTBQI identified people into their religious institutions. Being LGTBQI and/or religious are not mutually exclusive and there are many who are choosing to defy these presumptions.

6. Coming out lessens the stigma
Because of the negative reactions that resulted from Michael Sam coming out in a male athletic world, proves that there is still stigma of homosexuality in that world. The fear that he will check out his teammates in the locker room or that his sexuality will distract the team from the game are both offensive as well as ridiculous. Huge controversy, including sexual assault, domestic violence, murder, animal abuse just to name a few, constantly surrounds both college as well as professional footballs players. If more people come out like Sam did, eventually that stigma will lessen. Hopefully there will be a day in the not so distant future when people no longer have to come out.

7. Coming out challenges ignorant, bigoted, hateful beliefs
Same sex marriage has been legal in the state of Massachusetts for eleven years now and the institution of marriage has not crumbled. Same sex partners have been adopting, fostering, having kids and have not been raping, abusing or teaching them to be gay. LGTBQI teachers are still employed and students are still graduating. Exposure brings education and education brings about acceptance.

8. Coming out promotes acceptance and healing
Coming out exposes members of the LGTBQI community to the hetero community. With exposure comes personal connection and understanding. I have had many students who have said that they hated gay people and when I told them I was gay, at first they were shocked, but then nothing changed. They continued to interact with me just as they had before and some every continued to hug me at the end of everyday.

For some there seems to be a belief that homosexuality is a new revelation and that all of a sudden people are choosing to be gay. There are records of homosexuality throughout all of history and coming out helps challenge this myth.

Acceptance is a powerful tool. When a person accepts him, her their, xe self, the potential is limitless. And when a person comes out and is accepted by the person he, she, they, xe came out to, that act of acceptance can result in confidence. Confidence can inspire others, result in productivity and as well as other positive emotions.

Speaking from experience, I was not accepted at my last place of employment. In fact, I was discriminated against. Because I lived in constant fear and anxiety, I had little desire to contribute, I was not productive, to put it lightly, I was not my best self. I had other concerns that took precedence over teaching well. I was in survival mode. I did not feel safe. In fact I was reminded on three separate occasions, that my employment was at risk. Although I was never accused because of my sexuality, my sexuality was made issue which was the basis of concern of my performance. Not surprising, no one else's sexuality was an issue, even though everyone was having sex with one another at this particular establishment that will not be named....

At my current place of employment however, not only am I accepted, but I am also celebrated. My ideas are heard and valued and at the end of the day, I feel safe. Because I feel safe, I can be my true self and not worry about my safety or well being while at work. I can teach to the best of my ability and I believe that my energy can be a chain reaction. I feel positive and therefore I can pass that on.

9. Coming out challenges for more respectful behavior
With personal connection comes loyalty and respect. I have met so many people that have admitted to saying sexual slurs in the past but after knowing and loving someone that has come out, they themselves have stopped saying those words and have challenged others to do so as well.

10. Coming out promotes inclusion
Anytime a person receives a wedding invitation to a opposite sex wedding or reads about a heterosexual engagement in the newspaper announcement section, this is considered normal within this society. It is expected int his society that everyone will find a partner and settle down and so these sorts of announcements are often encouraged and celebrated. Since heterosexual couples announce their love and invite people in their lives to share in this occasion, should members of the LGTBQI community be allotted the same consideration?

11. Coming out creates reality
Bottom line, we exist. No matter the laws and restrictions, we have been and always will be a part of this world. Fact. Coming out gives voices to our stories and represents us as people. As Michael Bronski argues in his book, 'A Queer History of the United States', LGTBQI people have always existed in and contributed to society, even when their stories have not be told or heard.

12. Coming out is patriotic
I know this last one sounds ridiculous, but hear me out.
This country was founded upon one of the most noble and inclusive ideals that any country was founded upon: equality. This word is found throughout multiple governmental documents and is a theme that throughout history this country has fought for. Fifty years ago a Civil Rights movement was taking place in this country, encouraging Americans to remember and embrace the ideals on which this country was founded. Today, a new Civil Rights movement is being fought once again attempting the remind America about what equality truly looks like and means.

Thousands of LGTBQI men and woman have enlisted, fought and died for this country. Even though these individuals are still denied basic human rights and true equality, they are willing to take the ultimate sacrifice in order to protect the liberty of this country.

My question is this: if coming out isn't a big deal, then why aren't members of the LGTBQI community more visible within society? Why was it such a big deal when Ellen came out years ago? If people really didn't care about people's sexuality, then why isn't there true equality? Why are there so many institutions, both secular and religious, private and public that are continuing to fight so hard to restrict LGTBQI rights?

Rather than question those that are choosing to honor themselves and come out, which means share themselves with the world, question those that challenge these brave people. Question the institutions that are preaching and practicing bigotry and discrimination. Question those that respond with apathy and derision.

I know that this entry has more preaching within the words than story but I will still relay my message of hope. I hope that someday people will no longer have to come out. I hope that someday our society and even our world will be more genuinely accepting of the LGTBQI community. I hope that the discrimination and hate will end. I hope that legal equality will be achieved. These are big hopes for which I hope to see some if not all of them occur in my lifetime. For tonight, my hope is this: that when a person comes out, he, she, they, or xe will be celebrated for the person he, she, they, xe are.

Mia