So it occurred to me today that the majority of the postings on this blog are about romantic relationships and although that is what many people would equate with love, there are so many other experiences in which love can be expressed in the world. Love can be shown from friends, bosses, co-workers, family and by complete strangers. The past couple of months I have been shown this type of love and I felt that it was important to acknowledge it here. So if I may...
Last month I wrote about my gratitude for the straight allies in our lives. This post is a piggy-back if you will but from a different angle. Upon thinking about how blessed I have been since late July this year, I have spent much time reflecting on the last year. As I said in my last post I was heavily and continually discriminated against at my last place of employment, to the extent of my job being threatened all because of my sexuality. Thankfully I was not fired and was able to part ways on my terms but the profoundly negative experiences I had there have definitely left me scarred. My self-esteem and confidence have been affected both personally and professionally and I am still working through a lot of hurt and anger, ultimately trying to let go, forgive and heal.
All things considered I am lucky. Despite these experiences, I have never been physically assaulted or cut off from anyone in my life, events that are still all too common within the LGTBQI community. After experiencing what I have, I realized that one of my great loves had been deeply affected as well. My love for teaching. Since I was a child I knew I wanted to become a teacher and the first three years of my career were for the most part, joyous. I love educating and connecting with students. Especially with the 'at-risk' population that I have concentrated on.
Because of the year I had, I became desperate and began contemplating other options. Anything that would get me out of the situation I was in. I thought I wanted to go back to school to pursue a different career and I eventually took a very difficult job on a whim just so I wouldn't have to return. I can honestly say that I had never felt so desperate in my life. Thankfully my current job literally fell in my lap and I was able to resume teaching.
My current employer recognizes and has protections of LGTBQI individuals in writing and they take discrimination very seriously. Unfortunately some of my students still express homophobic comments and initially I was unsure of how to handle the situation. I decided that I needed to go to my boss and discuss my concerns with her. Although I was terrified and exhausted with dealing this issue, I was not willing to compromise my beliefs and well-being or repeat my past situation. When I told my boss what was happening, she was appalled and took immediate action. I started to cry and said that it meant so much to be able to do what I love for a living and to finally be supported while doing it. There was a period not so long ago where I thought this wouldn't be possible and I would have to give up on my dream.
Like my boss, my co-workers are so supportive. Even though we may not see eye to eye on every situation we are still able to discuss our thoughts and feelings in a mature, respectful way. Honestly I am still in shock and unused to experiencing such overwhelming support. I have talked with my boss a couple of times about discrimination and I still dismiss it with the fact that some of society is still homophobic and making homophobic terms is more acceptable and she cut me off and said, "no, it isn't." This warms my heart.
I guess my message with this post is that you don't have to give up on your dream, or what you love if you have experienced discrimination. There are people out there that will accept you for who you are and stand up for you in the face of hate and intolerance. I just read an article in USA Today about a transsexual woman who at the age of 50 is playing basketball for a college despite the many odds that are stacked against her.
Admittedly I have been on the fence about the whole "It Gets Better" campaign. Don't get me wrong, I so appreciate all the work that Dan Savage has done and the movement that has resulted; but, that doesn't take away from the fact that when it sucks in the moment, it really sucks and looking to the future seems impossible. Fortunately I do know from personal experience that it does get better and that one should not give into bullies or bigots because their views are flawed on so many different levels.
All this to say, hold onto what you love. Don't sacrifice what you love despite the hate that is out there. You owe it to yourself to stay true to yourself. Yes I almost gave up and I am so glad that I didn't. My whole life has been changed by this job-my mental, physical and emotional health have all improved. Now this is not to say that one should stay in an unsafe, unhealthy environment. Get out! No one deserves to endure constant discrimination. Ever. Period. But seek out other options. They are out there.
Speaking from experience, sometimes I become short sighted and frustrated that change isn't happening fast enough; but it is happening. Today there are 10 states in which there is marriage equality not to mention there are a record number of out legislatures in all different areas of government. Professional athletes are coming out in support of the LGTBQI community and condemning homophobia in traditionally male dominated areas including football. Bottom line, the times are changing and things are getting better. Slowly. I have to remind myself of this when I become too passionate...
Yes it is exhausting, humiliating, demoralizing and infuriating to have to constantly defend yourself and fight for your freedom, but in my experience, it is worth it. Although I endured hell I know that I made differences. Coworkers told me that they used to be ignorant of LGTBQI issues but after speaking with me they became more sensitive. Students who presented as being overtly homophobic continued to hug me daily after they found out about my sexuality. I am not advocating that everyone take on the fight to change minds; but I will encourage people to stay true to who they are. No matter what. Of course stay safe and I don't think everything should be viewed as a fight, but for me, these encounters became small victories that were game changing. Sure I could not change the place that I worked for, but I could change minds, one at a time and that was equally as important.
At the end of the day you are all wonderful, beautiful, strong, courageous individuals and my admiration for you is endless. If you are currently struggling in a situation, don't give up. There are other options out there. Have hope that you will find one that works for you. Don't let anyone take what you love away from you. Fight the good fight, whatever that may be for you and stay true to you.
I am a huge Greek mythology nerd and one of my favorite myths is the myth of Pandora. We have all heard of her infamous box and how her curiosity overcame her and she opened the box that she was instructed not to. As she opened the box, all of the evils that we know in the world today escaped. Sorrow, hunger, pain, war, the list goes on. What is not mentioned more often however is that Pandora was able to close the box just before the last things escaped. That last thing was hope and because she saved it, humans were able to have hope despite all of the world's evils.
The Greeks, like many cultures, believed in myths in order to explain what is not known or understood. The world's evils are most certainly not understood and are quite difficult to comprehend. Sometimes I become overwhelmed with how evil this world can seem and how prolific pain is. For me though, hope is a huge saving grace because from what I have experienced through hope, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I believe that hope and love go hand in hand. When we love, we hope that we will be taken care of and safe. When we hope, we hope that we will find love and be loved.
Sometimes life can be so difficult it seems unbearable. When this happens, maintain hope. Know that you are not alone and there are hundreds like you who know what you are going though. Through hope they were able to survive and find their love, romantic, professional, or otherwise. Through hope, maintaining and having love is in fact possible.
Mia
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Monday, November 5, 2012
So on the eve of what has become the most important election of my life to date, and being sick to my stomach thinking about the potential outcome, I have decided to take a break from incessantly checking political updates every 5 minutes and instead take a moment to pause and reflect on what I am grateful for, seeing that this is the month in which 'thanks' is observed.
My first thought was being grateful for our brave forefathers and mothers of the LGTBQI community that have forged this fight. The courage they had for standing up, loud and proud against severe and pervasive hate and discrimination and paving the road for me today. These individuals are the reason why I can live my life out with my girlfriend without major fear of being injured physically, emotionally and mentally as well as live in a time when the President of the United States has come out stating that there should be equal rights for all, including marriage for the LGTBQI community.
Reflecting on President Obama and the decision he made to come out himself, made me realize how very thankful I am for the Allied straight community that is fighting just as hard, if not harder, to earn equal rights for the LGTBQI-ers. President Obama took a huge risk in speaking publicly about legalizing marriage for all because this is still a very controversial issue today. Many argued that this was a political tactic in order to mobilize the LGTBQI into voting for him, and be this as it may, there were and still are just as many people outside the community that are on the fence or entirely opposed to this issue that he may have further polarized with his announcement. Plain and simple he took a risk because no one before him made such a huge statement of support.
My girlfriend and I were discussing straight allies and she made a very interesting point that had not occurred to me. She argued that straight people have their own moments of coming out when they acknowledge that they have LGTBQI family members, friends and loved ones. Sure this coming out experience may not be as difficult for straight people, but they still risk judgement, ridicule, backlash and being ostracized y members of their community when coming out in support of LGTBQI rights.
On May 9th, 2012, President Barack Obama came out to the United States of America that he is in support of legalizing marriage for all. After following President Obama for years even before his presidency, I know that this has been an issue that he has struggled with and did not initially support. Over time he said, and after speaking with families of LGTBQI people, he came to realize that we are no different. That we deserve the same basic rights and happiness that the members of the straight community have.
Another important straight ally that deserves recognition is Ted Olson, the Republican lawyer working to overturn Prop 8 that banned marriage for all in the State of California after it had been approved 8 months earlier. Ted Olson has been quoted saying that "gay marriage is not a liberal or conservative issue, rather that it is an American issue." Legalizing marriage for all notoriously is associated with the liberal parties and more often than not, many conservative parties either shy away from this issue or damn it all together. Despite the fact that Olson identifies as a straight member of a conservative party, he is still working hard to guarantee legal rights for a community that as of now has very few.
I have the privilege and fortune of knowing many wonderful straight allies that are even more loud about equal rights than I am. What makes my heart swell with love is the compassion and empathy that these individuals have for me and the LGTBQI community. Unfortunately I have found in my experience that humans tend to be somewhat narcissistic and selfish creatures with the mentality of 'how does this best serve me.' As a result, unless someone is personally affected by an issue, he or she may not have an awareness of the sensitive nature of the issue at hand.
Take the Chick-Fil-A controversy that emerged this past fall. When Dan Cathy came out and stated that he believed in 'traditional marriage between one man and one woman' and that he did in fact donate monetary proceeds to groups that have worked hard to limit the rights and freedoms of the LGTBQI community, I will admit that many of my straight friends did not seem, to me, to have compassion for me. Many of my straight friends considered this to simply be an act of freedom of speech, which is protected under the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution; and yes, although Dan Cathy has every right to say what he wants, his actions is where the problem stemmed. His actions were donating millions of dollars to groups that promote intolerance and many of my friends could not see how their $5 purchase, which would go to Cathy's profits and then into his donations, could make much of a difference.
From my perspective, for things to change, action must take place. I believe that much of my generation is complicit and jaded. I hear over and over again how 'voting doesn't matter' and that 'nothing will ever change anyway' but I agree to disagree. Take the Civil Rights Movement for example. Here was an entire population of people that had absolutely no rights in the nation for generations and through organized movement they were able to enact change. When Rosa Parks refused to move from her seat on the bus that day, movement started. The Montgomery Bus Boycott was the answer to the discrimination she faced and this movement was in fact successful. Because enough people protested by car pooling, biking or walking to their destinations, the bus department suffered and laws were changed.
Sure this may seem like one small example in the scheme of all of history, but it is an important one. People of African-American decent were not the only ones protesting; people of Caucasian decent were protesting too. These individuals were risking their physical safety and in some instances their lives to stand up to injustice.
I digress. Throughout the whole Chick-Fil-A drama I kept citing this historical movement to argue that yes in fact if each person does stop buying from this restaurant then the money will add up and Dan Cathy could in fact be affected. Along these same lines, I cannot help but bring up my straight friends that claim they support LGTBQI rights but are voting for Romney tomorrow. Romney has come out publicly stating that he believes marriage is between one man and one woman and that there are gay families having children and that is not right. Romney is in favor of less government interference in personal lives, but is more than willing to write a federal amendment to the Constitution defining marriage between one man and one woman. I understand that legalizing marriage for all is not the only issue on the platform this election and that there are many other issues at hand, but to me this is a drastically important issue of human rights.
I can not count on one hand the members of the LGTBQI community that have been physically assaulted simply for being affectionate in public or for dressing in what was comfortable for him or her. Suicides within the LGTBQI community have been on the rise due to discrimination and hate. Deaths resulting from hate crimes still occur not to mention physical mutilations as well as acts of other torture. We still live in a nation where marriage is legal for all in only six states but in 23 states a person can have sex with a horse legally. I cannot even begin to express just how demeaning and infuriating this fact it.
Another aspect of this issue of human rights is happiness free from discrimination. Marriage provides many legal protections that civil unions do not and which many people are not aware of. Becoming legally married provides for hospital visitation rights, tax cuts, joint custody and survivor benefits, just to name a few. Many people are not in favor of full marriage but suggest civil unions are the way to go. Unfortunately, civil unions lack close to 1,200 legal protections that full legal marriage provides for. Some people argue that it is simply a piece of paper and that it shouldn't matter, but in the cases of survivors of partners that have died while in combat who are not receiving benefits and the non biological parent of a same-sex family, these rights become life changing.
For the most part I have led a discrimination-free and supported lesbian lifestyle, but this last year I was discriminated against at my work. It got ugly and facts were twisted, people lied and my job was ultimately threatened simply for standing up for myself and for the open gay students at my school. In the end I was told that homophobic slurs are no big deal because today in society although people may say them, there is no harm intended. (Mind you this was my initial complaint to HR and this was the findings they produced from their investigation).
It has been a year and I am still deeply affected by the lack of support and persecution I experienced at this former employer. Remembering my experiences there still make me sick to my stomach and makes my blood boil. Because of the discrimination I experienced I questioned and doubted myself. Not only did myself become affected, but I started to lose faith in people and distrust them automatically. When encountering a new situation my walls are up and I am prepared to defend myself in a fight because of what I experienced. I have been deeply changed because of this place and I am still working on getting myself back.
There was one woman in particular who stood up for me and by my side at this place of employment. Yes there were many people that voiced support for me which meant the world, but this one woman took her support to a new level and told our supervisors that the was I was being treated was unacceptable. I do not speak with this woman anymore, our lives have grown apart, but I was be forever grateful for the kindness and support she offered me. I had never felt so alone in my life as I did then, and her verbal actions gave me a glimmer of hope that I was in fact not alone.
In my field we are taught that giving no response is a silent approval. I could not agree more with this statement. I have no problem standing up for myself and my community, I have plenty of practice, but it means so much when a straight person stands up for me. Sure I will stand up for myself, it is expected. It is my fight. But when a straight person stands up and defends me, it is not his or her fight but he or she is still saying the discrimination is not alright. This person risks his or her physical, mental and emotional safety for my well being. This is an act of profound selflessness.
I can say from experience that standing up to injustice is terrifying, especially when the fight is not yours and for this reason I am and will always be eternally grateful for the straight allies in the community fighting for equal rights and treatment. For outing themselves in their support. For the PFLAG moms and dads. For the members of GSAs in schools around the country. For the first grade teacher that breaks down gender stereotypes when one of her students is presenting gender identity confusion or questioning. For the father that wore a skirt in public because his son chose to wear a skirt that day. For the friends that have invited me to their weddings in which I have paid much money to attend and recognizing that I do not have this right and hope that I will someday. For the friends that have asked that for birthday presents, donations be made to organizations fighting for marriage equality. For the people that may have been uncertain at first but over time have come to acceptance and found love again.
I will admit that sometimes I become lost in my fear, sorrow, pain and anger and I do not always see that good that is being done and progress that is being made; but tonight I feel that it is important to recognize all that our straight community has in fact done for us. We cannot win this fight without them and should not. They are very much a part of our community as the rest of the LGTBQI and I feel that often times they are left out. I know many wonderful parents, siblings, educators, mentors, employers, activists that are straight and fighting and I do not want their fight to be unnoticed and unheard.
So in closing to all of the straight allies out there, I am grateful for you. For your confidence, courage, determination, compassion and empathy. For thinking about others than yourselves and for possibly even putting them before yourself. I love you more than words can say.
Thank you
Mia
My first thought was being grateful for our brave forefathers and mothers of the LGTBQI community that have forged this fight. The courage they had for standing up, loud and proud against severe and pervasive hate and discrimination and paving the road for me today. These individuals are the reason why I can live my life out with my girlfriend without major fear of being injured physically, emotionally and mentally as well as live in a time when the President of the United States has come out stating that there should be equal rights for all, including marriage for the LGTBQI community.
Reflecting on President Obama and the decision he made to come out himself, made me realize how very thankful I am for the Allied straight community that is fighting just as hard, if not harder, to earn equal rights for the LGTBQI-ers. President Obama took a huge risk in speaking publicly about legalizing marriage for all because this is still a very controversial issue today. Many argued that this was a political tactic in order to mobilize the LGTBQI into voting for him, and be this as it may, there were and still are just as many people outside the community that are on the fence or entirely opposed to this issue that he may have further polarized with his announcement. Plain and simple he took a risk because no one before him made such a huge statement of support.
My girlfriend and I were discussing straight allies and she made a very interesting point that had not occurred to me. She argued that straight people have their own moments of coming out when they acknowledge that they have LGTBQI family members, friends and loved ones. Sure this coming out experience may not be as difficult for straight people, but they still risk judgement, ridicule, backlash and being ostracized y members of their community when coming out in support of LGTBQI rights.
On May 9th, 2012, President Barack Obama came out to the United States of America that he is in support of legalizing marriage for all. After following President Obama for years even before his presidency, I know that this has been an issue that he has struggled with and did not initially support. Over time he said, and after speaking with families of LGTBQI people, he came to realize that we are no different. That we deserve the same basic rights and happiness that the members of the straight community have.
Another important straight ally that deserves recognition is Ted Olson, the Republican lawyer working to overturn Prop 8 that banned marriage for all in the State of California after it had been approved 8 months earlier. Ted Olson has been quoted saying that "gay marriage is not a liberal or conservative issue, rather that it is an American issue." Legalizing marriage for all notoriously is associated with the liberal parties and more often than not, many conservative parties either shy away from this issue or damn it all together. Despite the fact that Olson identifies as a straight member of a conservative party, he is still working hard to guarantee legal rights for a community that as of now has very few.
I have the privilege and fortune of knowing many wonderful straight allies that are even more loud about equal rights than I am. What makes my heart swell with love is the compassion and empathy that these individuals have for me and the LGTBQI community. Unfortunately I have found in my experience that humans tend to be somewhat narcissistic and selfish creatures with the mentality of 'how does this best serve me.' As a result, unless someone is personally affected by an issue, he or she may not have an awareness of the sensitive nature of the issue at hand.
Take the Chick-Fil-A controversy that emerged this past fall. When Dan Cathy came out and stated that he believed in 'traditional marriage between one man and one woman' and that he did in fact donate monetary proceeds to groups that have worked hard to limit the rights and freedoms of the LGTBQI community, I will admit that many of my straight friends did not seem, to me, to have compassion for me. Many of my straight friends considered this to simply be an act of freedom of speech, which is protected under the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution; and yes, although Dan Cathy has every right to say what he wants, his actions is where the problem stemmed. His actions were donating millions of dollars to groups that promote intolerance and many of my friends could not see how their $5 purchase, which would go to Cathy's profits and then into his donations, could make much of a difference.
From my perspective, for things to change, action must take place. I believe that much of my generation is complicit and jaded. I hear over and over again how 'voting doesn't matter' and that 'nothing will ever change anyway' but I agree to disagree. Take the Civil Rights Movement for example. Here was an entire population of people that had absolutely no rights in the nation for generations and through organized movement they were able to enact change. When Rosa Parks refused to move from her seat on the bus that day, movement started. The Montgomery Bus Boycott was the answer to the discrimination she faced and this movement was in fact successful. Because enough people protested by car pooling, biking or walking to their destinations, the bus department suffered and laws were changed.
Sure this may seem like one small example in the scheme of all of history, but it is an important one. People of African-American decent were not the only ones protesting; people of Caucasian decent were protesting too. These individuals were risking their physical safety and in some instances their lives to stand up to injustice.
I digress. Throughout the whole Chick-Fil-A drama I kept citing this historical movement to argue that yes in fact if each person does stop buying from this restaurant then the money will add up and Dan Cathy could in fact be affected. Along these same lines, I cannot help but bring up my straight friends that claim they support LGTBQI rights but are voting for Romney tomorrow. Romney has come out publicly stating that he believes marriage is between one man and one woman and that there are gay families having children and that is not right. Romney is in favor of less government interference in personal lives, but is more than willing to write a federal amendment to the Constitution defining marriage between one man and one woman. I understand that legalizing marriage for all is not the only issue on the platform this election and that there are many other issues at hand, but to me this is a drastically important issue of human rights.
I can not count on one hand the members of the LGTBQI community that have been physically assaulted simply for being affectionate in public or for dressing in what was comfortable for him or her. Suicides within the LGTBQI community have been on the rise due to discrimination and hate. Deaths resulting from hate crimes still occur not to mention physical mutilations as well as acts of other torture. We still live in a nation where marriage is legal for all in only six states but in 23 states a person can have sex with a horse legally. I cannot even begin to express just how demeaning and infuriating this fact it.
Another aspect of this issue of human rights is happiness free from discrimination. Marriage provides many legal protections that civil unions do not and which many people are not aware of. Becoming legally married provides for hospital visitation rights, tax cuts, joint custody and survivor benefits, just to name a few. Many people are not in favor of full marriage but suggest civil unions are the way to go. Unfortunately, civil unions lack close to 1,200 legal protections that full legal marriage provides for. Some people argue that it is simply a piece of paper and that it shouldn't matter, but in the cases of survivors of partners that have died while in combat who are not receiving benefits and the non biological parent of a same-sex family, these rights become life changing.
For the most part I have led a discrimination-free and supported lesbian lifestyle, but this last year I was discriminated against at my work. It got ugly and facts were twisted, people lied and my job was ultimately threatened simply for standing up for myself and for the open gay students at my school. In the end I was told that homophobic slurs are no big deal because today in society although people may say them, there is no harm intended. (Mind you this was my initial complaint to HR and this was the findings they produced from their investigation).
It has been a year and I am still deeply affected by the lack of support and persecution I experienced at this former employer. Remembering my experiences there still make me sick to my stomach and makes my blood boil. Because of the discrimination I experienced I questioned and doubted myself. Not only did myself become affected, but I started to lose faith in people and distrust them automatically. When encountering a new situation my walls are up and I am prepared to defend myself in a fight because of what I experienced. I have been deeply changed because of this place and I am still working on getting myself back.
There was one woman in particular who stood up for me and by my side at this place of employment. Yes there were many people that voiced support for me which meant the world, but this one woman took her support to a new level and told our supervisors that the was I was being treated was unacceptable. I do not speak with this woman anymore, our lives have grown apart, but I was be forever grateful for the kindness and support she offered me. I had never felt so alone in my life as I did then, and her verbal actions gave me a glimmer of hope that I was in fact not alone.
In my field we are taught that giving no response is a silent approval. I could not agree more with this statement. I have no problem standing up for myself and my community, I have plenty of practice, but it means so much when a straight person stands up for me. Sure I will stand up for myself, it is expected. It is my fight. But when a straight person stands up and defends me, it is not his or her fight but he or she is still saying the discrimination is not alright. This person risks his or her physical, mental and emotional safety for my well being. This is an act of profound selflessness.
I can say from experience that standing up to injustice is terrifying, especially when the fight is not yours and for this reason I am and will always be eternally grateful for the straight allies in the community fighting for equal rights and treatment. For outing themselves in their support. For the PFLAG moms and dads. For the members of GSAs in schools around the country. For the first grade teacher that breaks down gender stereotypes when one of her students is presenting gender identity confusion or questioning. For the father that wore a skirt in public because his son chose to wear a skirt that day. For the friends that have invited me to their weddings in which I have paid much money to attend and recognizing that I do not have this right and hope that I will someday. For the friends that have asked that for birthday presents, donations be made to organizations fighting for marriage equality. For the people that may have been uncertain at first but over time have come to acceptance and found love again.
I will admit that sometimes I become lost in my fear, sorrow, pain and anger and I do not always see that good that is being done and progress that is being made; but tonight I feel that it is important to recognize all that our straight community has in fact done for us. We cannot win this fight without them and should not. They are very much a part of our community as the rest of the LGTBQI and I feel that often times they are left out. I know many wonderful parents, siblings, educators, mentors, employers, activists that are straight and fighting and I do not want their fight to be unnoticed and unheard.
So in closing to all of the straight allies out there, I am grateful for you. For your confidence, courage, determination, compassion and empathy. For thinking about others than yourselves and for possibly even putting them before yourself. I love you more than words can say.
Thank you
Mia
Monday, October 1, 2012
Poem 1
If My Tits Could Speak
If my tits could speak,
they would say a body is a
perfect place to keep secrets.
A body is a terrible place to keep
secrets.
We are your tits.
We are not Judas. We know the
shudder you keep above your
bones when you look at us.
But how many times will we
have to save your life for us to
convince you we are not
treacherous. We are the lonely
sentinels of your sex in a public
bathroom.
We know sometimes you
daydream about your lost naked
tomboy chest screaming like a
dust colored beacon from the
tops of olive trees. Would you
believe us if we told you we were
there that day. That we have
always been here here, we are not
Brutus or Cassius, we are not
usurpers.
Still, you bandage where there is
no wound, you bind where there
is no break.
How long have you felt like a
pirate ship? We have always felt
like stowaways.
You study the blueprints of more
handsome vessels and dream of
amputating us like gangrenes or
frostbite. You don't trust the
timbers you were built from, you
think you are rotten. You are not
rotten. We are figureheads
cutting a swatch through the sea
for you. Can't you see us? Can't
you see yourself?
Poem 2
Adrienne
I am a howler monkey in a
nursery
I am a tomboy who's lost her first
foot race.
I say your name in my sleep.
It moves in my mouth like the
first
glass of water the morning after
a bender.
Prop me up from collapsing back
into hangover stagnation.
Still.
Sometimes I am a broken
accordion.
Sometimes I miss every bus I
run for.
1.
My phone has run out of battery.
So I lay myself in trash heap,
thinking
I am corrupted SIM card.
Eroded and stripped
miniature screw guts
Pick me over for love letter text messages.
Then some days
I am on the bus. I am heading for home.
You are too good looking to be a cell phone tower.
You, my North Pole. My magnetic orientation.
2.
We are out of candy.
Okay, I ate it all.
You jitterbug at the convenience store.
I shake the snow from my shoulders.
3.
I want to write a love poem from Wolverine to Storm,
I need your help.
How many times have you
broken open my shell,
not hesitating when you find
scales instead of feathers.
You whip my head back, you
open my mouth.
I am bleary eyed, laughed into a
coma.
Talk me out of bad tattoos and
movie ideas.
I will talk you out of MC names
and groceries you won't eat.
4.
I wish I was a composer, I wake
up to your eyelashes
harping me to learn
to play.
I wish I was a blacksmith,
all the water inside me is boiling.
Everything I am will melt,
but that second before: you are
bellows
at my ear, I am the hardest I will
ever be.
I wish I was an artist.
I wish this so often I dream that I
already am.
I have painted your body so
many times
inside my head, you are the
most recognizable person
in the civilization of my sleep.
Mary
If My Tits Could Speak
If my tits could speak,
they would say a body is a
perfect place to keep secrets.
A body is a terrible place to keep
secrets.
We are your tits.
We are not Judas. We know the
shudder you keep above your
bones when you look at us.
But how many times will we
have to save your life for us to
convince you we are not
treacherous. We are the lonely
sentinels of your sex in a public
bathroom.
We know sometimes you
daydream about your lost naked
tomboy chest screaming like a
dust colored beacon from the
tops of olive trees. Would you
believe us if we told you we were
there that day. That we have
always been here here, we are not
Brutus or Cassius, we are not
usurpers.
Still, you bandage where there is
no wound, you bind where there
is no break.
How long have you felt like a
pirate ship? We have always felt
like stowaways.
You study the blueprints of more
handsome vessels and dream of
amputating us like gangrenes or
frostbite. You don't trust the
timbers you were built from, you
think you are rotten. You are not
rotten. We are figureheads
cutting a swatch through the sea
for you. Can't you see us? Can't
you see yourself?
Poem 2
Adrienne
I am a howler monkey in a
nursery
I am a tomboy who's lost her first
foot race.
I say your name in my sleep.
It moves in my mouth like the
first
glass of water the morning after
a bender.
Prop me up from collapsing back
into hangover stagnation.
Still.
Sometimes I am a broken
accordion.
Sometimes I miss every bus I
run for.
1.
My phone has run out of battery.
So I lay myself in trash heap,
thinking
I am corrupted SIM card.
Eroded and stripped
miniature screw guts
Pick me over for love letter text messages.
Then some days
I am on the bus. I am heading for home.
You are too good looking to be a cell phone tower.
You, my North Pole. My magnetic orientation.
2.
We are out of candy.
Okay, I ate it all.
You jitterbug at the convenience store.
I shake the snow from my shoulders.
3.
I want to write a love poem from Wolverine to Storm,
I need your help.
How many times have you
broken open my shell,
not hesitating when you find
scales instead of feathers.
You whip my head back, you
open my mouth.
I am bleary eyed, laughed into a
coma.
Talk me out of bad tattoos and
movie ideas.
I will talk you out of MC names
and groceries you won't eat.
4.
I wish I was a composer, I wake
up to your eyelashes
harping me to learn
to play.
I wish I was a blacksmith,
all the water inside me is boiling.
Everything I am will melt,
but that second before: you are
bellows
at my ear, I am the hardest I will
ever be.
I wish I was an artist.
I wish this so often I dream that I
already am.
I have painted your body so
many times
inside my head, you are the
most recognizable person
in the civilization of my sleep.
Mary
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
I didn't have my first girlfriend till I was 22. Because of this, I had to both find myself and find out who I was with a partner at a later age than most people do. And how difficult it was to be in my mid 20s and trying to figure out how to be with someone, when I feel like that was something I should have learned at an earlier age, like in high school or college. Once I was 22, I had my first girlfriend and then was a serial monogamist. I always had someone on the back burner. I didn't get to ever go through the young adult thing by myself. A part of that was because of the late start I had, and then all of the serious relationships.
Every person I dated, even the bad ones, the ones I realized that I was not compatible with at all, I have taken so many wonderful things from each relationship. Through each relationship, I learned what I want in a partner. So I was finding out who I wanted to be with and what I didn't want; but, I was lacking who I was myself.
It wasn't until my late 20s, when I finally knew what I was looking for, and at that point was able to break off a relationship knowing that it was the right choice, knowing that I didn't need someone waiting in the wings. And now that I had that idea of who the person I was looking for, I could stop looking and focus on myself. This was at age 29 where I realized that I am pretty awesome and am fine being alone.
And then, I was at that really good place, when my perfect someone stumbled in. My message of hope would be that despite having an alternative lifestyle or being gay and growing up in Kansas and not realizing it until college, no matter how late the start, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We had a GSA but no one was out and I wasn't able to explore it. I was only 19.
After college I moved to Virginia, a brand new place with a first girlfriend and I was finally able to completely live that lifestyle. I didn't know anybody in Virginia and I didn't have to explain it to anybody.
It was a late start. It was really confusing. It felt like I didn't have that background of anyone in high school or college so I had nothing. There was however, a light at the end of my tunnel. I didn't see it until I was almost 30. The process of self-discovery for me was put second to what I wanted and needed in a partner.
Regardless of what gender you date, or what age you are, when it begins, it is necessary to stay true to yourself and what you need and what you want out of your life and what your goals and aspirations are. This crosses all boundaries of anyone in any relationship. This is something that I learned through the entirety of my 20s and evaluating the trials and tribulations of my dating past. That was the longest class I took. But I got there. That is the most important thing.
Suzanne
Every person I dated, even the bad ones, the ones I realized that I was not compatible with at all, I have taken so many wonderful things from each relationship. Through each relationship, I learned what I want in a partner. So I was finding out who I wanted to be with and what I didn't want; but, I was lacking who I was myself.
It wasn't until my late 20s, when I finally knew what I was looking for, and at that point was able to break off a relationship knowing that it was the right choice, knowing that I didn't need someone waiting in the wings. And now that I had that idea of who the person I was looking for, I could stop looking and focus on myself. This was at age 29 where I realized that I am pretty awesome and am fine being alone.
And then, I was at that really good place, when my perfect someone stumbled in. My message of hope would be that despite having an alternative lifestyle or being gay and growing up in Kansas and not realizing it until college, no matter how late the start, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We had a GSA but no one was out and I wasn't able to explore it. I was only 19.
After college I moved to Virginia, a brand new place with a first girlfriend and I was finally able to completely live that lifestyle. I didn't know anybody in Virginia and I didn't have to explain it to anybody.
It was a late start. It was really confusing. It felt like I didn't have that background of anyone in high school or college so I had nothing. There was however, a light at the end of my tunnel. I didn't see it until I was almost 30. The process of self-discovery for me was put second to what I wanted and needed in a partner.
Regardless of what gender you date, or what age you are, when it begins, it is necessary to stay true to yourself and what you need and what you want out of your life and what your goals and aspirations are. This crosses all boundaries of anyone in any relationship. This is something that I learned through the entirety of my 20s and evaluating the trials and tribulations of my dating past. That was the longest class I took. But I got there. That is the most important thing.
Suzanne
Sunday, August 12, 2012
30 Minutes of Something Wonderful
Movies have been a source of escape for me my entire life. As long as I can recall, I have found myself lost in them. Lost in the possibility that it could be me on the other side of that screen. Me living that impossible dream. I have always been disheartned by those who say that love cannot possibly be like the movies. That the notion itself is unrealistic. Life doesn't happen like the movies. But somewhere deep inside, I always believed it could. And then it did.
Technology is an incredible thing. In today's world it more often than not draws us away from each other. It occupies our time in negative ways. We don't interact person to person. We socialize machine to machine. However, thanks to technology, I found her. My co-star. My leading lady. Or so I thought. I had just come out of a four year relationship. Kaput. It was over. It was over due to my discovery of her infidelity via this wondrous technological cave we dwell in. Yes, I invaded her privacy. Yes, that was crossing a boundary. And yes, she was cheating on me.
Here is where it gets a little wild. Her new love interest was in the same field of work and initially I just put off their friendliness to that aspect. The other woman was engaged and ha been in a relationship of ten years. Ten. Uno, dos, tres...you get it. A decade. Anywho, I revealed nothing upon my discovery of said infidelity. Hell, the woman lived two states away. We were all friends on ye old Facebook and so I simply friended her fiance. Mainly in jest that the fiance and I could post on each other's walls and show our other halves how foolish they were being. Still, I knew what was going on and the poor fiance was clueless.
Time marched on and the fiance began to ask me questions about things. I did not want to add any fuel to the fire that I was unsure may have even existed. I was single and free. She was about to marry someone she thought she knew. And, she knew her alright. Eventually, I revealed my knowledge and her heart was broken. We began confiding in each other via email and Facebook. We texted often. And eventually, we talked in real time on the phone. Our phone visits became more frequent and she was trying to figure out what to do with this mess she had found herself in.
She called me in the moments of frustration. She called me from the park by the river when she needed to get out of the house and away to think. She was lost. Her world had just been flipped and I was the one who flipped it. I felt guilty but here she was wanting to know more. More about me. About what I knew. And I was finding myself strangely attracted to that.
My previous four year relationship was my first girlfriend. I met her when I was twenty seven. I had not yet come to the realization of my love for women. Of course, once I did, my life began to make sense. I honestly thought that maybe I had found what I had been missing. I had never dated guys growing up or even had any interest in them other than close friendships. I was a tried and true Gold Star if there ever was one. Never even kissed a guy. But what I did not know was that she was not THE one. We worked well enough and it was not unpleasant on the whole but it wasn't what was meant for me. I was unaware.
Back to the fiance. Our texting became insane. Ridiculous even. I'm talking teenager insane. In the thousands per month. It was my drug. My connection to this person I only knew via technology. I saw pictures, yes but it was her being that was drawing me in. Her voice. The way she sounded when she talked with me. The way she trusted me.
After a couple of months of this banter back and forth, we decided to meet. She had not completely rid herslef of her other half. They had lived together ten years. A houseful of a decade of living together. That is not erased quickly. But she made the decision to drive throught two states and spend a weekend with me. And now thinking about it. This weekend is the one year anniversary of the weekend. Irony. And maybe fate is intervening in this moment creating this as a release for me to let it go once and for all. Shit, guess I just ruined the outcome...
So, the day she was to drive down was full of anticipation for me. I was in a new flat starting over and coming out of my relationship. I did not have much in my new place but what I had was perfectly placed and ready for her arrival. I live in a locked building. I would have to buzz her in but we had decided to meet at my door. First sighting. I had even covered the peep hole on my door from the outside so that I did not have an unfair advantage.
She called me just outside of downtown to get better directions and I actually saw her car pass my building. I could not see her but knowing she was in that car as I looked from my fifth floor window was enough to make my heart explode. She parked and told me she was on her way in. That was the longest five minutes I can recall (my stomach is currently in waves recalling it). She knocked. I stood on the other side of the door and in that split second had no idea what was in store. Nor did she.
I partially opened the door and peeked around. Her face had such a look of relief. Of release. I opened the door and as she walked through and dropped her bags, I fell into her arms and I had never felt more at home. It is like I had been submerged and finally was given permission to come up and breathe. It was something I had never experienced. And in that moment, I realized how love was supposed to feel.
There were no words. Just holding each other as we stood. Had we not had each other to hold, I am certain we both would have collapsed.
There is so much beyond the words I could put to this but here I sit one year (nearly to the day) later recalling this moment that was my movie scene and how the whole brief relationship blew by. I can't even begin to count how many movie scenes I lived out in those short months but they were there. I had them. I HAVE them. They are tucked away in the recesses of my mind. But for her, she was waiting for that dramatic climax. That was a turning point because for her the movie had to have a plot twist. Her previous movies always did. But it never came. She waited and it never came. I was a constant. I was the happily ever after and she knew it. But she ended the scene. She wasn't ready for the happily ever after. She yelled, "CUT!"
Steel Magnolias is one of my all time favorite movies. The killer moment for me is the scene where Shelby and her mom argue about her pregnancy. If you are not familiar with the movie, you need to know that her body was not capable of handling a pregnancy. Her mother knew this and upon the recent announcement was not thrilled. Her baby was going to have a baby and it could kill her. No mother would be, I suppose. But the tear jerker is when Shelby asks her mom to recall the one thing she always told her children growing up. What was the one thing that she always wished for her children. Her mother says that all she had ever wished is for them to be happy. That's it. And to that, Shelby tells her mother, "Momma, I'd rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." I cry. Every. Single. Time.
Stef, you were my 30 minutes. I will never forget you but I must let you go. I now know how love can be and should be. But you were not my leading lady. You were the stand in and the film was not yet complete. My lady was not yet cast. However, I am currently (thanks to technology) getting to know my leading lady. She lives abroad. And I am very excited about this foreign film...
Tara
Movies have been a source of escape for me my entire life. As long as I can recall, I have found myself lost in them. Lost in the possibility that it could be me on the other side of that screen. Me living that impossible dream. I have always been disheartned by those who say that love cannot possibly be like the movies. That the notion itself is unrealistic. Life doesn't happen like the movies. But somewhere deep inside, I always believed it could. And then it did.
Technology is an incredible thing. In today's world it more often than not draws us away from each other. It occupies our time in negative ways. We don't interact person to person. We socialize machine to machine. However, thanks to technology, I found her. My co-star. My leading lady. Or so I thought. I had just come out of a four year relationship. Kaput. It was over. It was over due to my discovery of her infidelity via this wondrous technological cave we dwell in. Yes, I invaded her privacy. Yes, that was crossing a boundary. And yes, she was cheating on me.
Here is where it gets a little wild. Her new love interest was in the same field of work and initially I just put off their friendliness to that aspect. The other woman was engaged and ha been in a relationship of ten years. Ten. Uno, dos, tres...you get it. A decade. Anywho, I revealed nothing upon my discovery of said infidelity. Hell, the woman lived two states away. We were all friends on ye old Facebook and so I simply friended her fiance. Mainly in jest that the fiance and I could post on each other's walls and show our other halves how foolish they were being. Still, I knew what was going on and the poor fiance was clueless.
Time marched on and the fiance began to ask me questions about things. I did not want to add any fuel to the fire that I was unsure may have even existed. I was single and free. She was about to marry someone she thought she knew. And, she knew her alright. Eventually, I revealed my knowledge and her heart was broken. We began confiding in each other via email and Facebook. We texted often. And eventually, we talked in real time on the phone. Our phone visits became more frequent and she was trying to figure out what to do with this mess she had found herself in.
She called me in the moments of frustration. She called me from the park by the river when she needed to get out of the house and away to think. She was lost. Her world had just been flipped and I was the one who flipped it. I felt guilty but here she was wanting to know more. More about me. About what I knew. And I was finding myself strangely attracted to that.
My previous four year relationship was my first girlfriend. I met her when I was twenty seven. I had not yet come to the realization of my love for women. Of course, once I did, my life began to make sense. I honestly thought that maybe I had found what I had been missing. I had never dated guys growing up or even had any interest in them other than close friendships. I was a tried and true Gold Star if there ever was one. Never even kissed a guy. But what I did not know was that she was not THE one. We worked well enough and it was not unpleasant on the whole but it wasn't what was meant for me. I was unaware.
Back to the fiance. Our texting became insane. Ridiculous even. I'm talking teenager insane. In the thousands per month. It was my drug. My connection to this person I only knew via technology. I saw pictures, yes but it was her being that was drawing me in. Her voice. The way she sounded when she talked with me. The way she trusted me.
After a couple of months of this banter back and forth, we decided to meet. She had not completely rid herslef of her other half. They had lived together ten years. A houseful of a decade of living together. That is not erased quickly. But she made the decision to drive throught two states and spend a weekend with me. And now thinking about it. This weekend is the one year anniversary of the weekend. Irony. And maybe fate is intervening in this moment creating this as a release for me to let it go once and for all. Shit, guess I just ruined the outcome...
So, the day she was to drive down was full of anticipation for me. I was in a new flat starting over and coming out of my relationship. I did not have much in my new place but what I had was perfectly placed and ready for her arrival. I live in a locked building. I would have to buzz her in but we had decided to meet at my door. First sighting. I had even covered the peep hole on my door from the outside so that I did not have an unfair advantage.
She called me just outside of downtown to get better directions and I actually saw her car pass my building. I could not see her but knowing she was in that car as I looked from my fifth floor window was enough to make my heart explode. She parked and told me she was on her way in. That was the longest five minutes I can recall (my stomach is currently in waves recalling it). She knocked. I stood on the other side of the door and in that split second had no idea what was in store. Nor did she.
I partially opened the door and peeked around. Her face had such a look of relief. Of release. I opened the door and as she walked through and dropped her bags, I fell into her arms and I had never felt more at home. It is like I had been submerged and finally was given permission to come up and breathe. It was something I had never experienced. And in that moment, I realized how love was supposed to feel.
There were no words. Just holding each other as we stood. Had we not had each other to hold, I am certain we both would have collapsed.
There is so much beyond the words I could put to this but here I sit one year (nearly to the day) later recalling this moment that was my movie scene and how the whole brief relationship blew by. I can't even begin to count how many movie scenes I lived out in those short months but they were there. I had them. I HAVE them. They are tucked away in the recesses of my mind. But for her, she was waiting for that dramatic climax. That was a turning point because for her the movie had to have a plot twist. Her previous movies always did. But it never came. She waited and it never came. I was a constant. I was the happily ever after and she knew it. But she ended the scene. She wasn't ready for the happily ever after. She yelled, "CUT!"
Steel Magnolias is one of my all time favorite movies. The killer moment for me is the scene where Shelby and her mom argue about her pregnancy. If you are not familiar with the movie, you need to know that her body was not capable of handling a pregnancy. Her mother knew this and upon the recent announcement was not thrilled. Her baby was going to have a baby and it could kill her. No mother would be, I suppose. But the tear jerker is when Shelby asks her mom to recall the one thing she always told her children growing up. What was the one thing that she always wished for her children. Her mother says that all she had ever wished is for them to be happy. That's it. And to that, Shelby tells her mother, "Momma, I'd rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." I cry. Every. Single. Time.
Stef, you were my 30 minutes. I will never forget you but I must let you go. I now know how love can be and should be. But you were not my leading lady. You were the stand in and the film was not yet complete. My lady was not yet cast. However, I am currently (thanks to technology) getting to know my leading lady. She lives abroad. And I am very excited about this foreign film...
Tara
Thursday, August 2, 2012
The other morning my friend Robyn and I met for brunch to enjoy delicious food while discussing love. I quickly explained the intention of the blog to Robyn and she began by telling me about her coming out experience.
She started by retelling me that when she began realizing that she was in fact a lesbian, true to her Gemini nature, she began researching coming out and being gay. At the age of 27 it dawned on her that she was gay-something that had never occurred to her before. According to Robyn, 'I had no idea that I was gay until I kissed that girl.'
Over eggs, oatmeal, green chili and tea, Robyn and I discussed the idea of love-the love that breaks down all the pre-conceived notions of what a relationship should be and how one should act in a relationship.
Robyn discussed her current relationship and how at the age of 45, her fiancee challenged her in ways that she never knew to be possible. These challenges had a way of unwinding all of the protective shit that had been wrapped around her for years. Despite becoming unglued, if you will, by the sharing and revealing of self, and breaking down of walls, Robyn admitted this to be gift.
Allowing someone into your deepest, darkest, most painful secrets and life experiences can be scary to say the least, but the gift that Robyn was referring to was giving all of your self to your partner. True love is waking up next to someone without make-up, sleep in the eyes, complete with morning breath and having your partner smile and tell you that you are beautiful.
Being with another person, truly being with someone, is allowing for and accepting these moments. You can't wake up before the person to put on your make-up and brush those teeth everyday for the rest of your life, nor should you; you have to allow that person to see you for who you really are. Spending your life with someone, for the rest of your life will include sickness, tantrums, fights, mental breakdowns and morning breath. Allowing someone to see these moments and these sides of you, that is love.
One trick, Robyn revealed, is to go out and accept that love. Too many times do the pre-conceived notions and walls built from past experiences get in the way or prevent us from receiving the love that is presented to us. Making ourselves vulnerable and letting those walls down can be terrifying due to past judgement but allowing yourself to be loved is the key here. Remember that you are in fact worthy of that love.
In terms of being Out, Robyn admitted that she figured any event, advertised as gay or not, is gay if she arrives. It is gay enough if she is there. Robyn has written on the subject of pride and having and living pridefully Out after our designated weekend of celebrating, and she has had people respond that they are not defined by their sexuality. Although Robyn agrees with this statement, she argues that one reason why she lives so very Out is that because society stills assumes that people are heterosexual until proven otherwise. Sure there maybe other aspects to one's personality and lifestyle other than sexuality, but one's sexuality is still a very important part of the person and because of this one should in fact be prideful and Out.
Sure we still live in a society where some promote hate and pass judgement but part of having pride is being Out. As was said earlier, the love is there, even when it comes to living an Out lifestyle. Receive it! Go Out and grab the love!
Check out Robyn's BlogSpot at thejoyofbeingyou.blogspot.com
Robyn Vie-Carpenter
She started by retelling me that when she began realizing that she was in fact a lesbian, true to her Gemini nature, she began researching coming out and being gay. At the age of 27 it dawned on her that she was gay-something that had never occurred to her before. According to Robyn, 'I had no idea that I was gay until I kissed that girl.'
Over eggs, oatmeal, green chili and tea, Robyn and I discussed the idea of love-the love that breaks down all the pre-conceived notions of what a relationship should be and how one should act in a relationship.
Robyn discussed her current relationship and how at the age of 45, her fiancee challenged her in ways that she never knew to be possible. These challenges had a way of unwinding all of the protective shit that had been wrapped around her for years. Despite becoming unglued, if you will, by the sharing and revealing of self, and breaking down of walls, Robyn admitted this to be gift.
Allowing someone into your deepest, darkest, most painful secrets and life experiences can be scary to say the least, but the gift that Robyn was referring to was giving all of your self to your partner. True love is waking up next to someone without make-up, sleep in the eyes, complete with morning breath and having your partner smile and tell you that you are beautiful.
Being with another person, truly being with someone, is allowing for and accepting these moments. You can't wake up before the person to put on your make-up and brush those teeth everyday for the rest of your life, nor should you; you have to allow that person to see you for who you really are. Spending your life with someone, for the rest of your life will include sickness, tantrums, fights, mental breakdowns and morning breath. Allowing someone to see these moments and these sides of you, that is love.
One trick, Robyn revealed, is to go out and accept that love. Too many times do the pre-conceived notions and walls built from past experiences get in the way or prevent us from receiving the love that is presented to us. Making ourselves vulnerable and letting those walls down can be terrifying due to past judgement but allowing yourself to be loved is the key here. Remember that you are in fact worthy of that love.
In terms of being Out, Robyn admitted that she figured any event, advertised as gay or not, is gay if she arrives. It is gay enough if she is there. Robyn has written on the subject of pride and having and living pridefully Out after our designated weekend of celebrating, and she has had people respond that they are not defined by their sexuality. Although Robyn agrees with this statement, she argues that one reason why she lives so very Out is that because society stills assumes that people are heterosexual until proven otherwise. Sure there maybe other aspects to one's personality and lifestyle other than sexuality, but one's sexuality is still a very important part of the person and because of this one should in fact be prideful and Out.
Sure we still live in a society where some promote hate and pass judgement but part of having pride is being Out. As was said earlier, the love is there, even when it comes to living an Out lifestyle. Receive it! Go Out and grab the love!
Check out Robyn's BlogSpot at thejoyofbeingyou.blogspot.com
Robyn Vie-Carpenter
Friday, July 13, 2012
I wrote this poem after my lover had been torn between her ex and myself and decided to leave me and the state of Colorado. We are both single now and happily working towards being together again...someday.
My love for your will not wane
It cannot change
As it has stayed the same.
I love you today as I loved you
the moment I first knew
Before it was
"Too good to be true"
Like you said to me
But it didn't
happen to you
I love you
like you're my one
true love.
I just can't let go
My body won't let me
And if you can feel me
when I cry out
for you
It's because you always were
The One inside me.
No one could make
A love like this.
No one could make
Me love like this.
No one
But you.
Rochelle
My love for your will not wane
It cannot change
As it has stayed the same.
I love you today as I loved you
the moment I first knew
Before it was
"Too good to be true"
Like you said to me
But it didn't
happen to you
I love you
like you're my one
true love.
I just can't let go
My body won't let me
And if you can feel me
when I cry out
for you
It's because you always were
The One inside me.
No one could make
A love like this.
No one could make
Me love like this.
No one
But you.
Rochelle
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Seeing as it is Pride month, I feel compelled to share my thoughts around the notion of pride...
The celebration of Pride marks the anniversary of the brave souls who fought back against the discrimination and refused to take it anymore. I believe it is important to take a moment to reflect on the Stonewall Riots and the events that took place in the Manhattan bar.
To me, pride means being proud of who you are. Speaking from experience this is not nearly as simple as it sounds and I for one have had to actively work, and rework at this process within myself. For many years I sought my approval outside of myself and although this validation was found, I was never fulfilled. It took many years to realize that I needed to validate myself in order to build and foster my self esteem which in turn could lead to pride.
I teach at a treatment facility for at-risk youth in which behavior modification is key. Every student present has a diagnosed behavioral disorder and we attempt to teach new behaviors to help these adolescents become more successful in life. A major theme present amongst this population is low self-esteem. These students will be the first to say that they do not respect or value themselves and therefore they do not care that their actions and choices may reflect upon them poorly.
Attempting to teach self respect in order to change behaviors has been a great point of reflection for myself. One difficulty that I struggle with is victimization and being a part of the LGTBQ population I catch myself sometimes falling into this modality. I allow myself, because of the oppression, hate, discrimination, (the list goes on...), to become angry, emotional and reactionary rather than calm and proactive.
My girlfriend's father, a very intelligent man, said last weekend that when dealing with difficult people or situations, it is important to model the desired behavior. Those who know me know that I am a very passionate individual and can become impassioned quite quickly, especially when I feel that I, or someone I care about, is being disrespected. For me, remaining diplomatic and calm in these sort of situations can be quite challenging.
They say that opposite's attract and although my girlfriend and I have some similarities, we are very different people. When handling a situation, my girlfriend, is much more calm, cool and collected; as a result, she presents herself very rationally, eloquently and respectfully. I am privileged to have such an amazing woman by my side to help me grow and learn.
A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend and I, found ourselves in a very uncomfortable situation. Without going into great detail, we were invited to an event at which many people were not happy with our presence. Thankfully no major incident occurred, but it was very obvious that many were very uncomfortable with us. This event was very emotional for us because it was supposed to be a joyful event but because of the rude stares and unnecessary comments, our joy was transformed into fear and anger.
After this event, we vowed to each other that we were no longer going to partake in any event where we had to be "just friends". We talked and decided that it is not our job to further a person's ignorance by remaining in the closet for their comfort. We are respectful young women that handle ourselves appropriately and if people are uncomfortable with our presence, then they can leave. We have no desire to force people to be immediately accepting of homosexuals, but we simply would like to be safe and comfortable being ourselves.
All this to say, I believe that one of the most important aspects of pride, especially for the LGTBQ community is to be out. Don't get me wrong, I understand that safety is a number one priority that should be considered first and foremost. With this said, I believe that the whole "coming out" process is in itself bullshit. It is a privilege to be heterosexual in this society because us LGTBQ-ers still lack many of the same rights simply because of who we are. It is a privilege not to have to announce to the world that you like a member of the same sex or that you plan on transitioning, all the while being terrified that you will be emotionally or physically attacked, cut off or cut out. I hope for a day when people will stop assuming that everyone is heterosexual and people won't have to come out anymore.
Until that day however, I believe that coming out is essential to the community. Many articles and studies are being published that those who have opposed homosexuality are becoming more accepting due to familiarity. There are many assumptions, beliefs and generalizations about how members of the community act and unfortunately no one but us can dispel those judgements. Is this fair? No, but if we want our rights and equality then it is our job is to educate. Nelson Mandela said it best, "there is no better tool to change the world than education."
I realize that by putting ourselves in situations simply to educate people with assumptions and preconceived notions can be exhausting, demoralizing, unsafe and frustrating, to say the least, the best way we can educate people is to simply be ourselves. My girlfriend read an article about a lesbian basketball player awhile back who although was out, argued that it is no one's business whom she loved. I agree with her, but to an extent. It is no one's business whom I love, but because American society is still so heterocentric, we as a community need to end the assumptions that everyone is straight.
Many of my students are very homophobic and have no problem expressing these views and I have had many conversations with them simply asking about and challenging their beliefs. Through these discussions and by questioning them I have been able to change some opinions. Yes outing myself in the face of hate is terrifying, this never gets easier unfortunatley, but I have decided that I am proud to be a lesbian woman and because of this, I will not hide who I am to anyone. To me, pride means being out.
When I have been able to remain diplomatic and respectful while facing prejudice and discrimination, I know I have made much more of an effect than when I have become angry and emotional. More importantly however, looking back on these situations, I am more proud of myself when I conduct myself maturely than when I do not act calmly. I cannot control another person's opinions and no matter how much I may want to change them, I cannot. I have learned so much from working with these students but the most important lesson I have learned is that I can only be myself and by having pride in myself and my actions, I can put my best self forward.
Please do not read this and think that I think that if you are still in the closet or questioning that you have no pride. Coming out is a process and should be done on one's own terms when one feels it is right. However, I will say that I hope that people can have enough pride in themselves to not hide who they are. Remember, bullies have little to no self respect, this is why they bully people. They do not like themselves so they pick on other people to make themselves feel better. I am not excusing their actions, but do not, under any circumstance, ever let another person's opinions of you change your opinion of yourself. Their opinion reflects upon them and who they are, not you.
Have a very happy and safe Pride!! :)
The celebration of Pride marks the anniversary of the brave souls who fought back against the discrimination and refused to take it anymore. I believe it is important to take a moment to reflect on the Stonewall Riots and the events that took place in the Manhattan bar.
To me, pride means being proud of who you are. Speaking from experience this is not nearly as simple as it sounds and I for one have had to actively work, and rework at this process within myself. For many years I sought my approval outside of myself and although this validation was found, I was never fulfilled. It took many years to realize that I needed to validate myself in order to build and foster my self esteem which in turn could lead to pride.
I teach at a treatment facility for at-risk youth in which behavior modification is key. Every student present has a diagnosed behavioral disorder and we attempt to teach new behaviors to help these adolescents become more successful in life. A major theme present amongst this population is low self-esteem. These students will be the first to say that they do not respect or value themselves and therefore they do not care that their actions and choices may reflect upon them poorly.
Attempting to teach self respect in order to change behaviors has been a great point of reflection for myself. One difficulty that I struggle with is victimization and being a part of the LGTBQ population I catch myself sometimes falling into this modality. I allow myself, because of the oppression, hate, discrimination, (the list goes on...), to become angry, emotional and reactionary rather than calm and proactive.
My girlfriend's father, a very intelligent man, said last weekend that when dealing with difficult people or situations, it is important to model the desired behavior. Those who know me know that I am a very passionate individual and can become impassioned quite quickly, especially when I feel that I, or someone I care about, is being disrespected. For me, remaining diplomatic and calm in these sort of situations can be quite challenging.
They say that opposite's attract and although my girlfriend and I have some similarities, we are very different people. When handling a situation, my girlfriend, is much more calm, cool and collected; as a result, she presents herself very rationally, eloquently and respectfully. I am privileged to have such an amazing woman by my side to help me grow and learn.
A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend and I, found ourselves in a very uncomfortable situation. Without going into great detail, we were invited to an event at which many people were not happy with our presence. Thankfully no major incident occurred, but it was very obvious that many were very uncomfortable with us. This event was very emotional for us because it was supposed to be a joyful event but because of the rude stares and unnecessary comments, our joy was transformed into fear and anger.
After this event, we vowed to each other that we were no longer going to partake in any event where we had to be "just friends". We talked and decided that it is not our job to further a person's ignorance by remaining in the closet for their comfort. We are respectful young women that handle ourselves appropriately and if people are uncomfortable with our presence, then they can leave. We have no desire to force people to be immediately accepting of homosexuals, but we simply would like to be safe and comfortable being ourselves.
All this to say, I believe that one of the most important aspects of pride, especially for the LGTBQ community is to be out. Don't get me wrong, I understand that safety is a number one priority that should be considered first and foremost. With this said, I believe that the whole "coming out" process is in itself bullshit. It is a privilege to be heterosexual in this society because us LGTBQ-ers still lack many of the same rights simply because of who we are. It is a privilege not to have to announce to the world that you like a member of the same sex or that you plan on transitioning, all the while being terrified that you will be emotionally or physically attacked, cut off or cut out. I hope for a day when people will stop assuming that everyone is heterosexual and people won't have to come out anymore.
Until that day however, I believe that coming out is essential to the community. Many articles and studies are being published that those who have opposed homosexuality are becoming more accepting due to familiarity. There are many assumptions, beliefs and generalizations about how members of the community act and unfortunately no one but us can dispel those judgements. Is this fair? No, but if we want our rights and equality then it is our job is to educate. Nelson Mandela said it best, "there is no better tool to change the world than education."
I realize that by putting ourselves in situations simply to educate people with assumptions and preconceived notions can be exhausting, demoralizing, unsafe and frustrating, to say the least, the best way we can educate people is to simply be ourselves. My girlfriend read an article about a lesbian basketball player awhile back who although was out, argued that it is no one's business whom she loved. I agree with her, but to an extent. It is no one's business whom I love, but because American society is still so heterocentric, we as a community need to end the assumptions that everyone is straight.
Many of my students are very homophobic and have no problem expressing these views and I have had many conversations with them simply asking about and challenging their beliefs. Through these discussions and by questioning them I have been able to change some opinions. Yes outing myself in the face of hate is terrifying, this never gets easier unfortunatley, but I have decided that I am proud to be a lesbian woman and because of this, I will not hide who I am to anyone. To me, pride means being out.
When I have been able to remain diplomatic and respectful while facing prejudice and discrimination, I know I have made much more of an effect than when I have become angry and emotional. More importantly however, looking back on these situations, I am more proud of myself when I conduct myself maturely than when I do not act calmly. I cannot control another person's opinions and no matter how much I may want to change them, I cannot. I have learned so much from working with these students but the most important lesson I have learned is that I can only be myself and by having pride in myself and my actions, I can put my best self forward.
Please do not read this and think that I think that if you are still in the closet or questioning that you have no pride. Coming out is a process and should be done on one's own terms when one feels it is right. However, I will say that I hope that people can have enough pride in themselves to not hide who they are. Remember, bullies have little to no self respect, this is why they bully people. They do not like themselves so they pick on other people to make themselves feel better. I am not excusing their actions, but do not, under any circumstance, ever let another person's opinions of you change your opinion of yourself. Their opinion reflects upon them and who they are, not you.
Have a very happy and safe Pride!! :)
Monday, May 7, 2012
Reading previous posts, I think it is safe to say that love takes many forms. And although it is a simple four letter word, the meaning of love is a complex feeling, emotion, reaction, etc. Love can be easy, love can be hard, and love can be the willingness to overcome adversity.
Love can be for an inanimate object, an animal, an action, or for another human being. Each one of those categories could then be broken down into subcategories; love can be for a pillow or a blanket, a dog named Niko, sleeping, playing sports, or cooking, and love can be for a man, a woman, or someone who has changed his or her own gender to feel comfortable in his or her own skin.
Not to be redundant and/or annoying, but those subcategories could be broken down and so on and so forth. The point is if I asked every person in this world what the definition of love is, I almost guarantee that every response would be different.
Love is complex. I want to share about two people. One afternoon, an individual walked into the doors of a coffee shop. As this person ordered a hot cup of coffee, another person was typing away at a computer writing a thesis paper. Ten minutes later, the two individuals began to engage in a conversation about the weather which lead to professions, which then lead to politics, which then lead to exchanging numbers for a second encounter.
After spending more time together, the two fell in love with one another. The rest, as they say, is history.
You maybe asking why I told such a boring, cliche story. My response would be this, "Who did you picture in the story? A man and a woman? A woman and a woman? Who were the two people that fell in love?"
During my undergraduate studies I performed a study just as this one. After I read this story out loud to the participants, they were to immediately state the genders of the two characters in the story. My results were as followed: 48/56 stated a man and a woman, 5/56 stated the genders were never mentioned, and 3/56 did not complete the survey. After I disclosed that the two people in the story were women, most responded with guilty/surprised looks on their faces.
Not that a blog entry needs to have a point or anything, but my hope in writing this post is that some individual out there will realize that love is not one simple idea that happens between a man and a woman, but rather love is complex and relative to the individual.
To close, love is for the individual and the individual alone. With that said...Love who you want when you want.
Anonymous
Love can be for an inanimate object, an animal, an action, or for another human being. Each one of those categories could then be broken down into subcategories; love can be for a pillow or a blanket, a dog named Niko, sleeping, playing sports, or cooking, and love can be for a man, a woman, or someone who has changed his or her own gender to feel comfortable in his or her own skin.
Not to be redundant and/or annoying, but those subcategories could be broken down and so on and so forth. The point is if I asked every person in this world what the definition of love is, I almost guarantee that every response would be different.
Love is complex. I want to share about two people. One afternoon, an individual walked into the doors of a coffee shop. As this person ordered a hot cup of coffee, another person was typing away at a computer writing a thesis paper. Ten minutes later, the two individuals began to engage in a conversation about the weather which lead to professions, which then lead to politics, which then lead to exchanging numbers for a second encounter.
After spending more time together, the two fell in love with one another. The rest, as they say, is history.
You maybe asking why I told such a boring, cliche story. My response would be this, "Who did you picture in the story? A man and a woman? A woman and a woman? Who were the two people that fell in love?"
During my undergraduate studies I performed a study just as this one. After I read this story out loud to the participants, they were to immediately state the genders of the two characters in the story. My results were as followed: 48/56 stated a man and a woman, 5/56 stated the genders were never mentioned, and 3/56 did not complete the survey. After I disclosed that the two people in the story were women, most responded with guilty/surprised looks on their faces.
Not that a blog entry needs to have a point or anything, but my hope in writing this post is that some individual out there will realize that love is not one simple idea that happens between a man and a woman, but rather love is complex and relative to the individual.
To close, love is for the individual and the individual alone. With that said...Love who you want when you want.
Anonymous
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Before I begin, I'd like to say how beautiful this blog is, and how it touches my heart so deeply, because it is created by our wonderful daughter, Mia. I am so proud to be Mia's mom.
That said, I am mother to Mia and her sister, two wonderful girls whom I love more than anything on this earth. And that, our youngest, Mia came out as gay two years ago is just a sweet variation on the musical scale of life, a wee step off the heterosexual path, that doesn't matter at all, and only seems to have made our life as a family so much richer.
As Mia's mom, I was not totally surprised when she told us she was gay. I had had a number of inklings over the years, little 'snapshot' moments ofher that stayed in my mind, an intuition that something might be different this time. It was a slow awakening, as I'm sure it was with Mia, but I finally wrote her a letter expressing some of my thoughts and feelings, letting her know that if she felt she was discovering new and different feelings about herself and her sexuality, her dad, sister and I were totally, 100%, fine with whatever that may be. We loved every inch of her whether she was gay, straight or bi.
In looking back I did have a moment or two of internal adjustment and growth with the dawning real-ization that Mia might be gay. As Mia likes to point out, and accurately so, "we grow up and live in a heterocentric society", meaning that there is no discussion about all the differences that may exist amongst us. When raising the girls in the '90s [which feels like the dark ages, now] gayness was never talked about. Nor was it part of the national dialect, as it is today, as in the issue of Gay Marriage, etc. So I had no context in which to put my feelings, except my Irish Catholic upbringing, which wasn't particularly helpful.
One memory I have is when Mia was invited to a "Leadership Council Weekend" in High School. Over the weekend, her teacher had shared with Mia that she thought that everyone was born "bisexual". I remember feeling uncomfortable about that because I felt her teacher was unduly influencing Mia when she was still so young and going through a lot of change.
But then, some months later, I had a 'light bulb' moment, as Oprah liked to say, and realized that what her teacher had said was fine, and even good, because her words would only resonate with someone whou could identify with them on a deeply personal and organic level, at the core of their being. In speaking about the issue, her teacher had afforded her students some space to breathe and know that whatever they were feeling was ok. And, for that, I am now very grateful. Though it would be some years later before Mia would sort it all out for herself, her teacher's statement may have helped her in some small way at a time she was experiencing her own burgeoning feelings of pubescent sexuality.
I believe so strongly that it does get better the more our individual preferences and differences are discussed openly and honestly, with both young and old 'coming out' and sharing their lives and their stories. The last ten years has felt like a great opening of hearts and minds. Theworld has become a very small place [with a billion, or so, people] and so many of us know someone or have family members or friends who are gay. They are beautiful people with beautiful hearts and beautiful minds and have so much to give to our world. All love is the same...same, love, same. (:
Harvey Milk, bless his brave and wise soul, said, "familiarity breeds tolerance" and it is so true! With each voice that is heard, gay and straight, alike, the world IS becomming a better place! It does get better! it does, it does!!
With love for Mia...with all our hearts, Mom, Dad and Nessa
Tess Glynn Furtado
That said, I am mother to Mia and her sister, two wonderful girls whom I love more than anything on this earth. And that, our youngest, Mia came out as gay two years ago is just a sweet variation on the musical scale of life, a wee step off the heterosexual path, that doesn't matter at all, and only seems to have made our life as a family so much richer.
As Mia's mom, I was not totally surprised when she told us she was gay. I had had a number of inklings over the years, little 'snapshot' moments ofher that stayed in my mind, an intuition that something might be different this time. It was a slow awakening, as I'm sure it was with Mia, but I finally wrote her a letter expressing some of my thoughts and feelings, letting her know that if she felt she was discovering new and different feelings about herself and her sexuality, her dad, sister and I were totally, 100%, fine with whatever that may be. We loved every inch of her whether she was gay, straight or bi.
In looking back I did have a moment or two of internal adjustment and growth with the dawning real-ization that Mia might be gay. As Mia likes to point out, and accurately so, "we grow up and live in a heterocentric society", meaning that there is no discussion about all the differences that may exist amongst us. When raising the girls in the '90s [which feels like the dark ages, now] gayness was never talked about. Nor was it part of the national dialect, as it is today, as in the issue of Gay Marriage, etc. So I had no context in which to put my feelings, except my Irish Catholic upbringing, which wasn't particularly helpful.
One memory I have is when Mia was invited to a "Leadership Council Weekend" in High School. Over the weekend, her teacher had shared with Mia that she thought that everyone was born "bisexual". I remember feeling uncomfortable about that because I felt her teacher was unduly influencing Mia when she was still so young and going through a lot of change.
But then, some months later, I had a 'light bulb' moment, as Oprah liked to say, and realized that what her teacher had said was fine, and even good, because her words would only resonate with someone whou could identify with them on a deeply personal and organic level, at the core of their being. In speaking about the issue, her teacher had afforded her students some space to breathe and know that whatever they were feeling was ok. And, for that, I am now very grateful. Though it would be some years later before Mia would sort it all out for herself, her teacher's statement may have helped her in some small way at a time she was experiencing her own burgeoning feelings of pubescent sexuality.
I believe so strongly that it does get better the more our individual preferences and differences are discussed openly and honestly, with both young and old 'coming out' and sharing their lives and their stories. The last ten years has felt like a great opening of hearts and minds. Theworld has become a very small place [with a billion, or so, people] and so many of us know someone or have family members or friends who are gay. They are beautiful people with beautiful hearts and beautiful minds and have so much to give to our world. All love is the same...same, love, same. (:
Harvey Milk, bless his brave and wise soul, said, "familiarity breeds tolerance" and it is so true! With each voice that is heard, gay and straight, alike, the world IS becomming a better place! It does get better! it does, it does!!
With love for Mia...with all our hearts, Mom, Dad and Nessa
Tess Glynn Furtado
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Starting a GSA in the Bible Belt
Love. That is how my parents raised me. They taught me to always love with everything I had. What they didn't teach me was that is everyone wasn't raised the same way.
We were avid church goers. I grew up in the Bible Belt of Texas, so this wasn't that unusual. Every Sunday morning I got up early and went to mass. I participated in organizations such as; Christian Student Union and Fellowship of Christian Athletes. I was serious about my faith and my devotion to God. I always had my pocket Bible with me everywhere I went. I went on retreats and mission trips to spread my love. I was a good Christian.
So when I was finally able to admit to myself that I was in fact attracted to girls, coming out was simple. My father cried because he was so sad that I had felt like I couldn't tell him right away. I mean, I was seriously so lucky. My identity was embraced with open arms from my friends and family.
I was on the speech and debate teams at my high school, and was starting to get into gay rights. My coach sat me down and explained to me what was happening in our city. She said that there were these organizations called Gay-Straight Alliances (GSA) and one high school was in the process of suing the school for not allowing the club. In order for them to win their case there had to be one other high school that would start an alliance to prove that is was necessary in schools. So I did it.
I started a GSA in my high school. I was so excited to provide an outlet for other QLGTB youth. I couldn't believe I hadn't been the one to think of it first. Since I had started the GSA, my city created a central organization for all the high schools in the area to get together and meet once a month.
Quickly the word spread about the GSA. Once a month I made handmade rainbow signs to advertise our meetings. It was about six months of my club being up and running that things started to change. There was mean slander written on my signs, signs torn down and ripped up, and other signs put up to replace mine.
I still remember it like it was yesterday. Walking into the cafeteria and being stopped dead in my tracks. In a split second everything I grew up believing, all of my faith, was destroyed. I had spent hours, days, years devoting my life to God and all the organizations. How was I repaid? With a sign from the Christian Student Union, at least 20 feet long, with quotes from the Bible about killing homosexuals. I stood there in horror. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. How could an organization that preaches love extend so much hate?
I spent the next few weeks struggling with the fact that my God would allow such hatred to happen. The members of the GSA stopped coming to the meetings out of fear. Where did this come from? I spent 16 years knowing only love and tolerance. It was as if my world had been shattered.
One morning, before class, I was sitting in the cafeteria waiting for the bell to ring for first period. My principal sat down next to me. These last few weeks I had learned to fear. I was afraid of why she was sitting there. Every possible scenario went through my head. Then she said, "I think the GSA is the only organization we need on this campus. Obviously tolerance is something all students need to learn. I am proud of you and will offer protection for your group."
I am pretty sure I cried. That was the day I realized that not everyone was as lucky as me. My parents taught me to love so big. I could not be more grateful for my experiences.
Jacquelyn
Love. That is how my parents raised me. They taught me to always love with everything I had. What they didn't teach me was that is everyone wasn't raised the same way.
We were avid church goers. I grew up in the Bible Belt of Texas, so this wasn't that unusual. Every Sunday morning I got up early and went to mass. I participated in organizations such as; Christian Student Union and Fellowship of Christian Athletes. I was serious about my faith and my devotion to God. I always had my pocket Bible with me everywhere I went. I went on retreats and mission trips to spread my love. I was a good Christian.
So when I was finally able to admit to myself that I was in fact attracted to girls, coming out was simple. My father cried because he was so sad that I had felt like I couldn't tell him right away. I mean, I was seriously so lucky. My identity was embraced with open arms from my friends and family.
I was on the speech and debate teams at my high school, and was starting to get into gay rights. My coach sat me down and explained to me what was happening in our city. She said that there were these organizations called Gay-Straight Alliances (GSA) and one high school was in the process of suing the school for not allowing the club. In order for them to win their case there had to be one other high school that would start an alliance to prove that is was necessary in schools. So I did it.
I started a GSA in my high school. I was so excited to provide an outlet for other QLGTB youth. I couldn't believe I hadn't been the one to think of it first. Since I had started the GSA, my city created a central organization for all the high schools in the area to get together and meet once a month.
Quickly the word spread about the GSA. Once a month I made handmade rainbow signs to advertise our meetings. It was about six months of my club being up and running that things started to change. There was mean slander written on my signs, signs torn down and ripped up, and other signs put up to replace mine.
I still remember it like it was yesterday. Walking into the cafeteria and being stopped dead in my tracks. In a split second everything I grew up believing, all of my faith, was destroyed. I had spent hours, days, years devoting my life to God and all the organizations. How was I repaid? With a sign from the Christian Student Union, at least 20 feet long, with quotes from the Bible about killing homosexuals. I stood there in horror. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. How could an organization that preaches love extend so much hate?
I spent the next few weeks struggling with the fact that my God would allow such hatred to happen. The members of the GSA stopped coming to the meetings out of fear. Where did this come from? I spent 16 years knowing only love and tolerance. It was as if my world had been shattered.
One morning, before class, I was sitting in the cafeteria waiting for the bell to ring for first period. My principal sat down next to me. These last few weeks I had learned to fear. I was afraid of why she was sitting there. Every possible scenario went through my head. Then she said, "I think the GSA is the only organization we need on this campus. Obviously tolerance is something all students need to learn. I am proud of you and will offer protection for your group."
I am pretty sure I cried. That was the day I realized that not everyone was as lucky as me. My parents taught me to love so big. I could not be more grateful for my experiences.
Jacquelyn
Monday, February 13, 2012
They've always told me that you will find love when you least expect it or when you are not looking for it; and now, speaking from experience I know this to be true. I found my love sitting on her couch, in my sweats, fresh off the plane having traveled from Portland back to Denver all day long, with my laundry (and underwear) strewn about her kitchen...
A very good friend of mine told me about her successful story of love and the first thing she said to me was how she had taken the time to be single and work on herself and although I had claimed that I was going to do this for years and how I wanted to do this, I never did. It wasn't until actually being single that I realized that I did in fact have intimacy issues, which I had already suspected, but this particular issue was the opposite of what I had originally thought it was.
Flash forward nine months and I met Kristen and something clicked. She literally took my breath away as she walked down the steps and according to witnesses, I had a 'shit-eating-grin' on my face as we introduced ourselves. We went on a couple of dates and I now recognize that I was still very hesitant, due to my intimacy issue and when she asked me to be her girlfriend, I hesitated. At this point I had been working on my intimacy issue and I wanted to make absolute sure that I was making a conscious decision and not a flippant one. I can say that to this day, saying yes to her was one of the smartest decisions I have ever made. Kristen is intelligent, kind, funny, gorgeous, motivated and hard working, patient and understanding. I really hit the jack pot with this one!
The same friend that I referenced earlier also mentioned in a conversation when discussing relationships, that people need to choose to love one another. Meaning, if you've had a long day and you're stressed out and sleep deprived and your partner says something that annoys you, instead of giving into that stress and biting your partner's head off, you stop, breath, and choose to love you partner in that moment. Be it calmly explaining to your partner that you do not appreciate how they are acting, or halting the growing negativity completely by grabbing your partner and kissing him/her, or realizing that the comment was not a personal attack meant to annoy you.
I couldn't agree more with my dear friend about having an awareness around choosing to love your partner on a conscious level. Kristen and I choose to love each other on a daily basis. We don't fight. We talk and do not yell or push buttons. We listen to each other. We communicate. We work opposite schedules where on some days we only see each other as I leave for work in the morning and when she comes home from work later that night. Despite our limited face time we still value the time we do have and make sure to honor one another and our relationship. Along these same lines, on our worst days, when we're sad, forgetful, anxious, angry or moody, we choose to accept one another in her momentary weakness and love each other rather than belittle or berate the other.
Last week during one of our seasonal storms, Kristen was kind enough to offer me her car to drive safely to work since my car does not have 4WD. As I put my stuff inside her car and got out again to clean the car, I accidentally hit the automatic lock button and locked everything, my phone, my wallet and my lunch in the car with the ignition running. I woke Kristen back up and she gave me my car keys and told me to go to work and she'd take care of it. Not only did she deal with the headache of calling Geico to get the keys unlocked, waiting outside in the snow, she then came to my work to drop off my purse and lunch, but also took the time to take me to get my favorite tea because I had been sick.
Moments like this morning are an example of Kristen choosing to love me. Instead of becoming angry with me for locking her keys in her car with the ignition running, or getting annoyed with waking her back up early in the morning or becoming resentful that she had to drive 30 miles out of her way to bring me my lunch, she showed up with a smile and a kiss for me. This example is one of many moments that Kristen has shown her love for me. There are other sweet little moments where she remembers to bite off the top of the banana for me because I think tops of the banana are gross and they freak me out!
All this to say I couldn't be happier. Although we haven't been together for very long, our relationship has been easy and fun and exciting everyday. I still get excited when I know I'm going home to see her after work or she is coming home to see me. When I hear her voice I still get butterflies in my stomach. To me she is still the most flawless woman on this earth and her smile still takes my breath away. I love her unconditionally and she makes my life better in every way. She calms me when I'm becoming overly passionate as well as reminding me of reason when I become irrational. She accepts me during my most self-conscious moments and makes me laugh to ease the tension and make me feel better. We are good for one another-we balance each other out. I now realize that all of those cliches about love and 'happily ever after' are in fact true and are possible.
Even though my parents are still together after 32 and a half years of marriage, my sister and I have often talked about how we are not sure if people are really meant to be together for their entire lives. I am not even 32 years old, let alone being with one person for 32 years...I grew up with a healthy, loving example of two people spending their lives together and I still was not sure if this 'fairy tale ending' was going to happen to me. After meeting Kristen however, I'm quite certain that it will.
Happy Valentine's Day Love
Mia
A very good friend of mine told me about her successful story of love and the first thing she said to me was how she had taken the time to be single and work on herself and although I had claimed that I was going to do this for years and how I wanted to do this, I never did. It wasn't until actually being single that I realized that I did in fact have intimacy issues, which I had already suspected, but this particular issue was the opposite of what I had originally thought it was.
Flash forward nine months and I met Kristen and something clicked. She literally took my breath away as she walked down the steps and according to witnesses, I had a 'shit-eating-grin' on my face as we introduced ourselves. We went on a couple of dates and I now recognize that I was still very hesitant, due to my intimacy issue and when she asked me to be her girlfriend, I hesitated. At this point I had been working on my intimacy issue and I wanted to make absolute sure that I was making a conscious decision and not a flippant one. I can say that to this day, saying yes to her was one of the smartest decisions I have ever made. Kristen is intelligent, kind, funny, gorgeous, motivated and hard working, patient and understanding. I really hit the jack pot with this one!
The same friend that I referenced earlier also mentioned in a conversation when discussing relationships, that people need to choose to love one another. Meaning, if you've had a long day and you're stressed out and sleep deprived and your partner says something that annoys you, instead of giving into that stress and biting your partner's head off, you stop, breath, and choose to love you partner in that moment. Be it calmly explaining to your partner that you do not appreciate how they are acting, or halting the growing negativity completely by grabbing your partner and kissing him/her, or realizing that the comment was not a personal attack meant to annoy you.
I couldn't agree more with my dear friend about having an awareness around choosing to love your partner on a conscious level. Kristen and I choose to love each other on a daily basis. We don't fight. We talk and do not yell or push buttons. We listen to each other. We communicate. We work opposite schedules where on some days we only see each other as I leave for work in the morning and when she comes home from work later that night. Despite our limited face time we still value the time we do have and make sure to honor one another and our relationship. Along these same lines, on our worst days, when we're sad, forgetful, anxious, angry or moody, we choose to accept one another in her momentary weakness and love each other rather than belittle or berate the other.
Last week during one of our seasonal storms, Kristen was kind enough to offer me her car to drive safely to work since my car does not have 4WD. As I put my stuff inside her car and got out again to clean the car, I accidentally hit the automatic lock button and locked everything, my phone, my wallet and my lunch in the car with the ignition running. I woke Kristen back up and she gave me my car keys and told me to go to work and she'd take care of it. Not only did she deal with the headache of calling Geico to get the keys unlocked, waiting outside in the snow, she then came to my work to drop off my purse and lunch, but also took the time to take me to get my favorite tea because I had been sick.
Moments like this morning are an example of Kristen choosing to love me. Instead of becoming angry with me for locking her keys in her car with the ignition running, or getting annoyed with waking her back up early in the morning or becoming resentful that she had to drive 30 miles out of her way to bring me my lunch, she showed up with a smile and a kiss for me. This example is one of many moments that Kristen has shown her love for me. There are other sweet little moments where she remembers to bite off the top of the banana for me because I think tops of the banana are gross and they freak me out!
All this to say I couldn't be happier. Although we haven't been together for very long, our relationship has been easy and fun and exciting everyday. I still get excited when I know I'm going home to see her after work or she is coming home to see me. When I hear her voice I still get butterflies in my stomach. To me she is still the most flawless woman on this earth and her smile still takes my breath away. I love her unconditionally and she makes my life better in every way. She calms me when I'm becoming overly passionate as well as reminding me of reason when I become irrational. She accepts me during my most self-conscious moments and makes me laugh to ease the tension and make me feel better. We are good for one another-we balance each other out. I now realize that all of those cliches about love and 'happily ever after' are in fact true and are possible.
Even though my parents are still together after 32 and a half years of marriage, my sister and I have often talked about how we are not sure if people are really meant to be together for their entire lives. I am not even 32 years old, let alone being with one person for 32 years...I grew up with a healthy, loving example of two people spending their lives together and I still was not sure if this 'fairy tale ending' was going to happen to me. After meeting Kristen however, I'm quite certain that it will.
Happy Valentine's Day Love
Mia
Friday, January 6, 2012
I'm not sure as a child I knew what love was, in fact, I am not sure even to this day that I know what love is. I don't believe in the heart dropping, butterflies in the stomach completely enamored kind of "in love" many people purport to experience. I heard a lot about love being raised in a two parent Christian home, especially agape love. It's an interesting concept that can be briefly described as a divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. My parents demonstrated this kind of love to me and my siblings our entire lives by always loving and supporting us - even when we broke rules and I came out.
I don't put much stock in feelings as shown on TV or we read about in books because they seem ethereal and fleeting. With that being said, I have found true one important caveat in my life that may be considered a facet of love, according to the idea of agape. That is committment.
My friends would say this is an odd word for me to use because I am a self-proclaimed and many times chastised committment-a-phobe.
Committment is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as the following:
1 a: an act of committing to charge or trust: as (1): a consignment to a penal or mental institution (2): an act of referring a matter to a legislative committee b: mittimus
2 a: an aggreement or pledge to do something in the future; especially: an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date b: something pledged c: the state or instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled <a committment to a cause>
Obviously, the first definitions is not the one I'm concerned with. The second is. Unwittingly all of my adult life, I have been committing to people on different levels. First date, undefined whatever, casually dating, survivor, f**k buddy, friends with benefits, best friend, confidant, girlfriend/boyfriend (depending on my personal mood or gender preference at that stage in life), someone who will be there, provider, fiance, live in partner, domestic partner, joint account sharer and the list goes on.
We all have been one of these at different times. I am a biological woman who has enjoyed committing on varying levels to many woman over the course of my life. In every interaction I was shaped and learned so much from each of them, as I hoped they learned from me. I have bettered as a person and partner due to every word exchanged (harsh or kind), from every adventure taken, from every glance stolen and every memory shared. Today I can say that I am in the most seriously committed and non ambiguous relationship in my life, which I never would have been able to say had it not come for the women before.
With that said, I am not very different than most people: straight, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, transgendered, intersex etc. We all commit on some level to something at some point in time.
Natalie
I don't put much stock in feelings as shown on TV or we read about in books because they seem ethereal and fleeting. With that being said, I have found true one important caveat in my life that may be considered a facet of love, according to the idea of agape. That is committment.
My friends would say this is an odd word for me to use because I am a self-proclaimed and many times chastised committment-a-phobe.
Committment is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as the following:
1 a: an act of committing to charge or trust: as (1): a consignment to a penal or mental institution (2): an act of referring a matter to a legislative committee b: mittimus
2 a: an aggreement or pledge to do something in the future; especially: an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date b: something pledged c: the state or instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled <a committment to a cause>
Obviously, the first definitions is not the one I'm concerned with. The second is. Unwittingly all of my adult life, I have been committing to people on different levels. First date, undefined whatever, casually dating, survivor, f**k buddy, friends with benefits, best friend, confidant, girlfriend/boyfriend (depending on my personal mood or gender preference at that stage in life), someone who will be there, provider, fiance, live in partner, domestic partner, joint account sharer and the list goes on.
We all have been one of these at different times. I am a biological woman who has enjoyed committing on varying levels to many woman over the course of my life. In every interaction I was shaped and learned so much from each of them, as I hoped they learned from me. I have bettered as a person and partner due to every word exchanged (harsh or kind), from every adventure taken, from every glance stolen and every memory shared. Today I can say that I am in the most seriously committed and non ambiguous relationship in my life, which I never would have been able to say had it not come for the women before.
With that said, I am not very different than most people: straight, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, transgendered, intersex etc. We all commit on some level to something at some point in time.
Natalie
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