I found my heart in San Francisco.
My senior year of college, I attended a student conference in San Francisco. During the opening session, I walked into the room to see a flood of unfamiliar faces. One face, however, stood out. The face belonged to a strikingly handsome guy, about my age, who was sitting at a table in the middle of the room. Despite the guy's good looks, he had a modest and shy demeanor, almost child-like. The seat next to him was empty and I seized the opportunity to get to know him better. His name was Justin and he was a student from Oregon. As I got to know him, I found that he was incredibly intelligent yet approachable, confident yet kind. Justin and I exchanged contact info, but we did not see each other for the next two days until the closing session of the conference.
At the closing session of the conference, I approached him and asked him when he was leaving and what he was doing for the rest of the day. He was leaving in the evening like me, and thus had a few hours to kill in the city. We agreed to do some sightseeing together and made our way out of the hotel. It was a beautiful day and so we decided to walk to the Coit Tower. Along the way, I got to know Justin better and everything he shared with me made me want to know more. When we made it to the top of the Coit Tower, the view was perfect, the weather was perfect, and he seemed perfect. At this point, neither of us had revealed to each other that we were gay and the conversation had remained platonic. I told him about a job offer I had accepted in New York and he revealed that he was intending to go to New York after graduation as well. We agreed to keep in touch until our paths crossed again in the fall.
For the next 6 months, I thought about Justin a lot. We emailed each other occassionally and with each new email I tried to dig in a little deeper to see if he was interested in me romantically. Justin was frustratingly ambiguous in response to my flirtatious advances, which drove me absolutely crazy. By the fall, I had already resigned myself emotionally to just being friends with him.
When I arrived in New York, I called Justin and we agreed to do some sightseeing the next day and meet in Time Square. The day of our meeting, I waited in Time Square, at the busiest intersection in the world. I spotted Justin walking among the crowds. He was far better looking than I had remembered. He greated me with a huge smile and I realized at that moment that I was in love. We proceeded to find a place for lunch. Confused by the ambiguity of the situation, I asked him directly if he was gay. He stammered a bit and told me he was gay, but not out of the closet. I sighed as I realized that a relationship with him would be an uphill battle.
We spent the entire day together walking around New York and ended the evening watching a Broadway show. The day was just as perfect as the day I first met him. I decided to take a risk and hold his hand during the show, an advance to which he obliged. From this day onward, Justin and I would spend two wonderful years together as boyfriends in New York.
My relationship with Justin definitely had its ups and downs, but honestly I would say my two years with him were some of the happiest years of my life. I was crazy about him and he became my best friend. In the end, my hectic travel schedule at work and his starting graduate school led to our split, but we have remained friends since and still share fond memories of each other.
Anonymous
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
"So Alex do you have somthing you want to tell us?"
Where I grew up, you were supposed to dream of college, high paying jobs, kids, safe neighborhoods, soccer games and eventually marriage. But really I never did. My parents were both together, heck my grandparents were still together at 80 years old. My childhood was not traumatic, but a standard of predominately white hood. I had boyfriends all throughout high school, was considered popular, a star athlete, and made it to college out of state. However, I knew I was different but I never knew why until I allowed myself to get to know myself.
The words gay, lesbian, bisexual, or queer were not in my world. Of course I had lesbian neighbors, my parent's had gay friends that visited all the time, a couple of teachers who were also gay but I wasn't aware or knew any different growing up. I remember telling my first love, a boy, that I thought I wasn't straight. Looking back I know that I enjoyed drunkenly kissing my girl friends, loved being surrounded by women, was a rough 'en tough girl, and never brought into the ideal of growing up, getting married and having kids. For me I wanted, and still want to change the world. This all started when I went away and met the strongest, most open and honest group of women I have ever had in my life.
In this group I found what I was missng. My life became female centered and this allowed me to really explore my own understanding of myself. I became passionate about women's health, protested, talked about uncomfortable issues, and bonded with like-minded women. But at the same time I wouldn't let these relationships go any further with women. I had this concept in my mind that others in my life would name this a "phase" just because I was so involved in women's rights, then of course I would "experiment". I let this hold me back for a year, where I found myself jealous of lesbian couples, or others who labeled themselves queer and knew what that meant for them. I had gay friends who kept saying, "alright Alex whenever you wanna come out, just let me know." I was afraid of myself, and what myself might be.
This fear ended with a fateful night of dancing at a gay bar with a woman that wouldn't leave me alone, and I wouldn't leave her. Unlike my past relationships, which were all still with men, the connection and chemistry were instant. I couldn't stop kissing and touching this woman, and wanted more. I was still scared but more excited that I had let something inside free, and then I wanted to share it with everyone. I took things slow though to give myself time to reflect and just be. From this point on I knew whatever label I was, just like in high school, I was not and am not straight.
Besides a few flings, and weak relationships, I spent two years of my life with one woman. I learned the essence of really being happy in one's skin, and telling others who didn't know for years that I wasn't straight, that I was dating a woman. I was lucky, and had surrounded myself with amazing open-minded people so the "coming out" wasn't like it was for some of my friends. Sure I was misunderstood, was the talk of my hometown for awhile, and felt like I had to prove myself in the community at times; but all in all, it was a beautiful life change.
So when I was walking around the lake with my parents during Christmas break one year, and they posed this question to me, "so Alex, do you have something you want to tell us?" I was finally ready. Not to say from this point on there weren't challenges, but I took on those challenges knowing that I was presenting my whole self. I am always thankful for everyone I have in my life who have supported me and understood me, and I only wish that everyone who is not straight and straight would expeirence the same.
Today, I have to admit that that two-year relationship is over. After a move across the country together, many difficult nights and decisions we ended. I dated another woman after that, until I went on a road trip with a good friend, who happened to be a man. So six years after coming out, and vowing to never be with a man again, love happened. It is mysterious, but I learned to listen and be open to what life hands me. This attitude is the same way I was able to be open about all of my sexuality. So now, I live as a "hasbian" that some judgmental people would say, I am proud to share my story, be proud, and still be part of a community to help diversify and also learn it's own acceptance.
Alex
Where I grew up, you were supposed to dream of college, high paying jobs, kids, safe neighborhoods, soccer games and eventually marriage. But really I never did. My parents were both together, heck my grandparents were still together at 80 years old. My childhood was not traumatic, but a standard of predominately white hood. I had boyfriends all throughout high school, was considered popular, a star athlete, and made it to college out of state. However, I knew I was different but I never knew why until I allowed myself to get to know myself.
The words gay, lesbian, bisexual, or queer were not in my world. Of course I had lesbian neighbors, my parent's had gay friends that visited all the time, a couple of teachers who were also gay but I wasn't aware or knew any different growing up. I remember telling my first love, a boy, that I thought I wasn't straight. Looking back I know that I enjoyed drunkenly kissing my girl friends, loved being surrounded by women, was a rough 'en tough girl, and never brought into the ideal of growing up, getting married and having kids. For me I wanted, and still want to change the world. This all started when I went away and met the strongest, most open and honest group of women I have ever had in my life.
In this group I found what I was missng. My life became female centered and this allowed me to really explore my own understanding of myself. I became passionate about women's health, protested, talked about uncomfortable issues, and bonded with like-minded women. But at the same time I wouldn't let these relationships go any further with women. I had this concept in my mind that others in my life would name this a "phase" just because I was so involved in women's rights, then of course I would "experiment". I let this hold me back for a year, where I found myself jealous of lesbian couples, or others who labeled themselves queer and knew what that meant for them. I had gay friends who kept saying, "alright Alex whenever you wanna come out, just let me know." I was afraid of myself, and what myself might be.
This fear ended with a fateful night of dancing at a gay bar with a woman that wouldn't leave me alone, and I wouldn't leave her. Unlike my past relationships, which were all still with men, the connection and chemistry were instant. I couldn't stop kissing and touching this woman, and wanted more. I was still scared but more excited that I had let something inside free, and then I wanted to share it with everyone. I took things slow though to give myself time to reflect and just be. From this point on I knew whatever label I was, just like in high school, I was not and am not straight.
Besides a few flings, and weak relationships, I spent two years of my life with one woman. I learned the essence of really being happy in one's skin, and telling others who didn't know for years that I wasn't straight, that I was dating a woman. I was lucky, and had surrounded myself with amazing open-minded people so the "coming out" wasn't like it was for some of my friends. Sure I was misunderstood, was the talk of my hometown for awhile, and felt like I had to prove myself in the community at times; but all in all, it was a beautiful life change.
So when I was walking around the lake with my parents during Christmas break one year, and they posed this question to me, "so Alex, do you have something you want to tell us?" I was finally ready. Not to say from this point on there weren't challenges, but I took on those challenges knowing that I was presenting my whole self. I am always thankful for everyone I have in my life who have supported me and understood me, and I only wish that everyone who is not straight and straight would expeirence the same.
Today, I have to admit that that two-year relationship is over. After a move across the country together, many difficult nights and decisions we ended. I dated another woman after that, until I went on a road trip with a good friend, who happened to be a man. So six years after coming out, and vowing to never be with a man again, love happened. It is mysterious, but I learned to listen and be open to what life hands me. This attitude is the same way I was able to be open about all of my sexuality. So now, I live as a "hasbian" that some judgmental people would say, I am proud to share my story, be proud, and still be part of a community to help diversify and also learn it's own acceptance.
Alex
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I'm bad at this game I mean the love game. I got lucky in my last relationship that's for sure. I don't know where this one picked me up...
So once upon a time there was this young girl, the ripe young age of 21. Her name was Consuelo and she had just moved to Denver. The first person she met took her out to The Roxy, which at the time, was the happenin' gay spot in town. She then proceeded to buy Consuelo shot after shot of Patron. Consuelo found herself gettin' freaky on one of the lounge tables and had found she had somehow misplaced her pants. As she danced, she brought attention to herself and started meeting the lesbians about the town. Amongst these lesbians, was a young girl named Jeanna.
Jeanna was originally from California and this was her going away party as she was about to move back in a couple of days. Both of us being completely wasted, we moved on with our night enjoying our own separate good times. The next morning, Consuelo awoke with an awful hangover and with a spotted and vague memory of the night before. The memory of Jeanna would never again arise but Consuelo would hear about this girl again dun dun DUN!!!!
For the next year Consuelo would continue to hear about this girl Jeanna. She came to visit a few times and having mutual friends, there were always plans for the two groups to meet up. However, every time something would come up or someone would leave early so Consuelo and Jeanna would only continue to hear about one another. They eventually became friends on MySpace but the friendship was nothing more than a comment here or a message "hello" there yadda yadda yadda.
In a strange twist of fate, Consuelo and Jeanna continued to talk more before Jeanna's next visit to Colorado and they agreed to hang out this particular visit. Then Consuelo went to JR's for "Dollar Beer Thursdays" (of course) where Jeanna spotted her. Unfortunately Jeanna only spotted her as she was leaving to venture elsewhere. Consuelo woke up the next morning and received an IM from Jeanna saying, "I saw you last night" and Consuelo replied with the obvious response, "so you're stalking me now?!" Jeanna said, "yes" but then explained that she only saw Consuelo as she was leaving. So Consuelo asked Jeanna if she was planning on going to First Friday that night. Then they agreed once again to meet up and actually meet each other in person and remember it.
But of course everything in Consuelo's life being a ridiculous adventure, and due to circumstances of an ex girlfriend and a brick wall, their planned meeting was once again foiled. The next day, they covered each other's MySpace walls with conversation. Intrigued by this girl, Consuelo sent Jeanna her phone number. Day and night it seemed that they would text each other. On a whim, Consuelo suggested coming out to visit and spending her Thanksgiving in California with Jeanna. Within a week the ticket was purchased and another week later, Consuelo was en route to California, thinking it would be nothing more than just fun, maybe a little more than fun (wink wink) and just time for them to enjoy each other's company. Little did they both know, what would happen next...
Consuelo landed and hit the bars, Jeanna was not there yet, but on her way. Consuelo had two Jager Bombs and a Vodka RedBull. Jeanna called to let Consuelo know that she had arrived at the airport and Consuelo walked out to meet this girl face to face for the first time. Jeanna found Consuelo and she too was carrying a Vodka RedBull. (The drinks were there to calm the nerves). Before going out, Jeanna needed to stop by her work at the porn store. After finishing what she needed to get done, they stepped outside and shared their first kiss. Most might find this crazy, it was a first kiss outside of a porn store after all, but for them it was as if they had been touched by Cupid himself.
The end of the trip came and Consuelo had to return to Denver and what they thought was going to be a good time with new friends was starting to bud into something more. For the next year, they would go back and forth between Colorado and California, slowly building their relationship.
Right around Jeanna's birthday, Consuelo headed out as she had time and time before with a backpack and roll-on. Something was different this time though, she only had a one-way ticket. There were plans of her coming back, they just weren't sure of when. They shared a conversation and it was decided for Consuelo to stay. They had lots of fun, Consuelo started performing with a dance group and Jeanna continued with her Roller Derby and life was good.
While the past seven months had been great, there were issues financially and Consuelo's friends and support system were still in Denver. So Consuelo decided that it was for the best and they would both be happiest that for this next time that they both went to visit Denver to visit family and friends, Consuelo would stay in Denver. Alas, the distance between Consuelo and Jeanna was too much and they decided to break up. Even though they are no longer a couple, they have remained friends and their relationship will always have an influence on their lives in a positive way.
The End
Consuelo
So once upon a time there was this young girl, the ripe young age of 21. Her name was Consuelo and she had just moved to Denver. The first person she met took her out to The Roxy, which at the time, was the happenin' gay spot in town. She then proceeded to buy Consuelo shot after shot of Patron. Consuelo found herself gettin' freaky on one of the lounge tables and had found she had somehow misplaced her pants. As she danced, she brought attention to herself and started meeting the lesbians about the town. Amongst these lesbians, was a young girl named Jeanna.
Jeanna was originally from California and this was her going away party as she was about to move back in a couple of days. Both of us being completely wasted, we moved on with our night enjoying our own separate good times. The next morning, Consuelo awoke with an awful hangover and with a spotted and vague memory of the night before. The memory of Jeanna would never again arise but Consuelo would hear about this girl again dun dun DUN!!!!
For the next year Consuelo would continue to hear about this girl Jeanna. She came to visit a few times and having mutual friends, there were always plans for the two groups to meet up. However, every time something would come up or someone would leave early so Consuelo and Jeanna would only continue to hear about one another. They eventually became friends on MySpace but the friendship was nothing more than a comment here or a message "hello" there yadda yadda yadda.
In a strange twist of fate, Consuelo and Jeanna continued to talk more before Jeanna's next visit to Colorado and they agreed to hang out this particular visit. Then Consuelo went to JR's for "Dollar Beer Thursdays" (of course) where Jeanna spotted her. Unfortunately Jeanna only spotted her as she was leaving to venture elsewhere. Consuelo woke up the next morning and received an IM from Jeanna saying, "I saw you last night" and Consuelo replied with the obvious response, "so you're stalking me now?!" Jeanna said, "yes" but then explained that she only saw Consuelo as she was leaving. So Consuelo asked Jeanna if she was planning on going to First Friday that night. Then they agreed once again to meet up and actually meet each other in person and remember it.
But of course everything in Consuelo's life being a ridiculous adventure, and due to circumstances of an ex girlfriend and a brick wall, their planned meeting was once again foiled. The next day, they covered each other's MySpace walls with conversation. Intrigued by this girl, Consuelo sent Jeanna her phone number. Day and night it seemed that they would text each other. On a whim, Consuelo suggested coming out to visit and spending her Thanksgiving in California with Jeanna. Within a week the ticket was purchased and another week later, Consuelo was en route to California, thinking it would be nothing more than just fun, maybe a little more than fun (wink wink) and just time for them to enjoy each other's company. Little did they both know, what would happen next...
Consuelo landed and hit the bars, Jeanna was not there yet, but on her way. Consuelo had two Jager Bombs and a Vodka RedBull. Jeanna called to let Consuelo know that she had arrived at the airport and Consuelo walked out to meet this girl face to face for the first time. Jeanna found Consuelo and she too was carrying a Vodka RedBull. (The drinks were there to calm the nerves). Before going out, Jeanna needed to stop by her work at the porn store. After finishing what she needed to get done, they stepped outside and shared their first kiss. Most might find this crazy, it was a first kiss outside of a porn store after all, but for them it was as if they had been touched by Cupid himself.
The end of the trip came and Consuelo had to return to Denver and what they thought was going to be a good time with new friends was starting to bud into something more. For the next year, they would go back and forth between Colorado and California, slowly building their relationship.
Right around Jeanna's birthday, Consuelo headed out as she had time and time before with a backpack and roll-on. Something was different this time though, she only had a one-way ticket. There were plans of her coming back, they just weren't sure of when. They shared a conversation and it was decided for Consuelo to stay. They had lots of fun, Consuelo started performing with a dance group and Jeanna continued with her Roller Derby and life was good.
While the past seven months had been great, there were issues financially and Consuelo's friends and support system were still in Denver. So Consuelo decided that it was for the best and they would both be happiest that for this next time that they both went to visit Denver to visit family and friends, Consuelo would stay in Denver. Alas, the distance between Consuelo and Jeanna was too much and they decided to break up. Even though they are no longer a couple, they have remained friends and their relationship will always have an influence on their lives in a positive way.
The End
Consuelo
Monday, March 7, 2011
I think a good place to start my story is a time in my life when I had this string of short term relationships. Nothing particularly serious. Definitely some heartbreaks and hard times but nothing was really clicking. I found myself in this cycle and finally hit a breaking point. I was done. I didn't want to date anymore. I wanted to be on my own and learn about myself and break the pattern that was quickly becoming habit.
I had a friend who was staying with me at the time and she had also noticed this string of dating going on. She encouraged me to take a break and in times when I thought I wanted to pursue something, when I thought I was ready to date, she quite bluntly told me that I wasn't ready. However annoyed that she was right, I stayed single. A couple of months later, my friend said it was like I woke up one morning and said, "I'm ready for a girlfriend."
Now at this time in my life I need to clue you in on some background. I was a graduate student getting my Physician Assistant certificate and Master's in Medical Science. I also, despite taking a break from dating, had a lingering interest in someone. It almost worked out. And then, with a slight slap in the face, it came to a screeching halt. Amidst all this drama, someone from my school had conned me into being a back up for a challenge bowl at the National Physician Assistant Conference, held this year in San Antonio, Texas. So thankfully, I got away for a week...And before I had even left, I told my friend, "I think I'm goign to meet someone at this conference."
So I finally get to the conference and just jump right in to all the events. The opening was awesome! The Spasmatics played-a Texas born 80's and 90's cover band and I had a great time with my classmates. Among all the events I found out that on Sunday there was a GLBT P.A. social event hosted by the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. A peer of mine said he'd be happy to go with me. So we went!
We arrive at this bar on the outskirts of downtown San Antonio-much like Tracks is located in Denver. There were some opening speeches and we had a couple of drinks and began enjoying ourselves. Maybe two hours in and maybe two and a half drinks in, I noticed a woman walk in with a couple of her friends, and I immediately thought, "oh wow!" We kind of did that thing where I know she saw me and I saw her and I was just watching her but I was stuck in a conversation. Now, I know that they were talking about me, but back then, I just thought that it was very apparent that she was ready to go and her friends would not let her.
So I'm watching this take place and I say to myself-if she doesn't come say "hi" to me in the next five minutes, then I'll go say "hi" to her. And within a minute I felt a finger "tap tap tap" on my shoulder and I turn around and there she is and she sticks her hand out and says, "hi I'm Dayna, and I just wanted to say hi." And I said, "I'm Johnna," and I shook her hand and inquisitively looked at her and stated "you go to school in Albuqurque." And she looks at me funny and I continue, "but you live in Denver." And she gives me this look like, "oh shit!" or "uhhh I don't know what I just got myself into?!"
Everything clicks and the lights go off in my head and I exhuberantly reference myself and say, "I'M DOCTOR HOT PANTS!!" Again, received with a strange look from Dayna, I then back-pedaled, "no no no! That's my MySpace name. You asked me out for coffee about a month ago. And you know I wrote you back and I never heard back from you and I know that you're a PA student and you were doing surgery and I'm a PA student too so I figured you were busy." And she says-quite flatly, I might add, "You never wrote me back." And I said, "no no no I did. I know I did. I remember!" And she said again, "ummmm, you never wrote me back." And literally with a wave of my hand I said, "well it doesn't matter. We're here now."
Just to interject...I went back to my hotel the next day and she was totally right-I did not write her back! Woopsies!
Back to the bar. So I meet her friends, we hang out, we talk. Not too long after we met, her friends decide they are going to take off and we continue to chat and get to know each other. Out of nowhere we find ourselves in the spot light of a drag show very much enjoying ourselves and we have our first kiss with the spot light literally focused on us. The drag queen even called us out, "awww how cute!" So embarrassing! But it definitely makes for a good story :)
Basically we spent the rest of the of the conference together attending lectures, going to lunch, going to dinner, hanging out with friends. At the end of the week we got each other's information. She happened to be living in Albuqurque for a five week psychiatry rotation so we decided to keep in touch via phone until she returned home to Denver.
So we went our separate ways and I guess when I got home I had all my friends waiting for me to tell them some big news. I don't know where it happened or who I told first, but suddenly everyone knew I had met someone at the conference. My past interest cornered me at a club soon after and quite bluntly called me out by saying, "you're going to give your heart to this woman." My response was, "I don't know, but I kind of want to see where it goes."
Fast forward. Those five weeks flew by and Dayna returns to Denver and it's Pride weekend. She comes home and we have a date Thursday night and she takes me to Japon, (we love sushi)!
So here's the thing...it was sooo awkward. We hadn't seen each other since we met and it was really our first date. It's so funny now because we talk about how we both were felt like, "oh boy! Maybe this isn't what we thought it was?! Maybe it was just a whirlwind romance in San Antonio?!" I don't know why it was so awkward. Maybe it was just our mindset. I think we had connected so well in San Antonio and we probably both had high expectations. But the truth was-we really didn't know each other.
Thankfully it didn't take that long for the walls to come down and we found ourselves back in that familiar, although brief, first experience of pure connection.
So the next night, sometime before going to the women's party at Tracks, and I kind of...well we all know what happens at Pride...So I made sure to ask Dayna to be my girlfriend before the weekend started. She said yes :o)
Basically this began our relationship. It was like any other relationship. We talked, we hung out. We had sleep overs. She met my friends and I met her friends, we went to dinner, blah blah blah. Within three or four months, those friends of course that still haven't gone away, questioned the significane of our relationship. "What do you think of her? Do you love her? Are you going to spend the rest of your life with her?" And I, in a very vulnerable state, didn't know the answers to the questions. What I did know was that I never saw us breaking up. I never saw my life without her in it.
Our relationship wasn't without bumps and it was certainly with many conversations involving growing and learning together. In the first year of our relationship, there were five months where we weren't even in the same country because of our medical rotations. During this year when we were in the same town we lived in a studio apartment together on Cap Hill. What better way to know if you're compatible than to live in a 400-square foot room together?! But still we persisted and celebrated our 1-year anniversary at a friend's wedding in Minnesota where pictures that were taken of us eventually became our "Save-The-Date" card. Not to mention...The Spassmatics played at the wedding too. Not a coincidence. I'm convinced.
Instead of doing things in the traditional way, we decided to buy a house together. We went from living in a studio together to buying a house. Funny. Over time of course. (We did not do the Uhaul thing. Kind of, well, sort of...) We were in love! And we knew we were going to be together. It just felt natural. So we found the cutest little house in LoHi in September of 2009 and were moved in by October 23. Life was super-fantastic!
Shortly after moving in we planned a house-warming party for all our friends and family to come and see our humble little abode that we were so excited about. The events that followed were like someting out of a movie. It was just this pristine morning. Her sisters were there, my best friends were there, we were just this small intimate group. It was snowing outside and there was a Broncos game on-we were just enjoying the little family we had created. As party time arrived, our realtor and mortgage-broker showed up and I was wandering around the house showing them how we had settled in. I was in my comfy jeans and my "to-die-for" t-shirt and Marvin the Martian slippers when I realized that everybody was in the kitchen and Dayna was standing at the end of the hallway saying, "come here honey."
Me and my Marvin the Martian slippers scuffle down the hallway and I'm like "do do do" and I think, "how sweet, Tawny is going to take pictures!" So Dayna is like, "come here!" I get face-to-face with Dayna and am completely clueless and still do not realize everyone is in the kitchen with us. And Dayna says to me, "I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." She starts to get down on one knee and I say, "what are you doing?! What are you doing?!" And she says, "Will you marry me?!" and shows the ring in the classic fashion. And I just start crying and am speechless and she stands up and we hug and she asks, "so, uh, is that a yes?!" And I was like, "YES!!" Marvin the Martian slippers and all.
So less than a year later, we were married down on the Auraria Campus and we are still enjoying our cute little house in the Highlands. It's funny because I have been speaking to some friends about this-we have been married for five months now and coming up this spring we'll have been together for three years, and I'm just completely in awe at how perfectly hand crafted she is for me. We are both physician assistants, she's more calm, I'm more hyper. We talk nerdy to each other. We really, really complement each other. And there's no way to describe how perfect it all was and all is. Meeting your soul mate or "the one" is not always butterflies in your tummy and dreamy glances across the bar. It just is what it's supposed to be.
If I can give any sort of encouragement to any person of any gender, of any orientation, it is to spend time learning about yourself, learning how to take care of yourself, learning how to pursue your own dreams and desires so that when the time comes that your perfect match taps you on the shoulder, you've already taken care of the learning you need to do as a person and you can now learn together as a couple.
So when you feel yourself upset or jealous that someone took the girl you like or because you got turned down by the boy you wanted, step back and take time to work on your own growth and just let love happen. Because it will. I promise.
Johnna
I had a friend who was staying with me at the time and she had also noticed this string of dating going on. She encouraged me to take a break and in times when I thought I wanted to pursue something, when I thought I was ready to date, she quite bluntly told me that I wasn't ready. However annoyed that she was right, I stayed single. A couple of months later, my friend said it was like I woke up one morning and said, "I'm ready for a girlfriend."
Now at this time in my life I need to clue you in on some background. I was a graduate student getting my Physician Assistant certificate and Master's in Medical Science. I also, despite taking a break from dating, had a lingering interest in someone. It almost worked out. And then, with a slight slap in the face, it came to a screeching halt. Amidst all this drama, someone from my school had conned me into being a back up for a challenge bowl at the National Physician Assistant Conference, held this year in San Antonio, Texas. So thankfully, I got away for a week...And before I had even left, I told my friend, "I think I'm goign to meet someone at this conference."
So I finally get to the conference and just jump right in to all the events. The opening was awesome! The Spasmatics played-a Texas born 80's and 90's cover band and I had a great time with my classmates. Among all the events I found out that on Sunday there was a GLBT P.A. social event hosted by the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. A peer of mine said he'd be happy to go with me. So we went!
We arrive at this bar on the outskirts of downtown San Antonio-much like Tracks is located in Denver. There were some opening speeches and we had a couple of drinks and began enjoying ourselves. Maybe two hours in and maybe two and a half drinks in, I noticed a woman walk in with a couple of her friends, and I immediately thought, "oh wow!" We kind of did that thing where I know she saw me and I saw her and I was just watching her but I was stuck in a conversation. Now, I know that they were talking about me, but back then, I just thought that it was very apparent that she was ready to go and her friends would not let her.
So I'm watching this take place and I say to myself-if she doesn't come say "hi" to me in the next five minutes, then I'll go say "hi" to her. And within a minute I felt a finger "tap tap tap" on my shoulder and I turn around and there she is and she sticks her hand out and says, "hi I'm Dayna, and I just wanted to say hi." And I said, "I'm Johnna," and I shook her hand and inquisitively looked at her and stated "you go to school in Albuqurque." And she looks at me funny and I continue, "but you live in Denver." And she gives me this look like, "oh shit!" or "uhhh I don't know what I just got myself into?!"
Everything clicks and the lights go off in my head and I exhuberantly reference myself and say, "I'M DOCTOR HOT PANTS!!" Again, received with a strange look from Dayna, I then back-pedaled, "no no no! That's my MySpace name. You asked me out for coffee about a month ago. And you know I wrote you back and I never heard back from you and I know that you're a PA student and you were doing surgery and I'm a PA student too so I figured you were busy." And she says-quite flatly, I might add, "You never wrote me back." And I said, "no no no I did. I know I did. I remember!" And she said again, "ummmm, you never wrote me back." And literally with a wave of my hand I said, "well it doesn't matter. We're here now."
Just to interject...I went back to my hotel the next day and she was totally right-I did not write her back! Woopsies!
Back to the bar. So I meet her friends, we hang out, we talk. Not too long after we met, her friends decide they are going to take off and we continue to chat and get to know each other. Out of nowhere we find ourselves in the spot light of a drag show very much enjoying ourselves and we have our first kiss with the spot light literally focused on us. The drag queen even called us out, "awww how cute!" So embarrassing! But it definitely makes for a good story :)
Basically we spent the rest of the of the conference together attending lectures, going to lunch, going to dinner, hanging out with friends. At the end of the week we got each other's information. She happened to be living in Albuqurque for a five week psychiatry rotation so we decided to keep in touch via phone until she returned home to Denver.
So we went our separate ways and I guess when I got home I had all my friends waiting for me to tell them some big news. I don't know where it happened or who I told first, but suddenly everyone knew I had met someone at the conference. My past interest cornered me at a club soon after and quite bluntly called me out by saying, "you're going to give your heart to this woman." My response was, "I don't know, but I kind of want to see where it goes."
Fast forward. Those five weeks flew by and Dayna returns to Denver and it's Pride weekend. She comes home and we have a date Thursday night and she takes me to Japon, (we love sushi)!
So here's the thing...it was sooo awkward. We hadn't seen each other since we met and it was really our first date. It's so funny now because we talk about how we both were felt like, "oh boy! Maybe this isn't what we thought it was?! Maybe it was just a whirlwind romance in San Antonio?!" I don't know why it was so awkward. Maybe it was just our mindset. I think we had connected so well in San Antonio and we probably both had high expectations. But the truth was-we really didn't know each other.
Thankfully it didn't take that long for the walls to come down and we found ourselves back in that familiar, although brief, first experience of pure connection.
So the next night, sometime before going to the women's party at Tracks, and I kind of...well we all know what happens at Pride...So I made sure to ask Dayna to be my girlfriend before the weekend started. She said yes :o)
Basically this began our relationship. It was like any other relationship. We talked, we hung out. We had sleep overs. She met my friends and I met her friends, we went to dinner, blah blah blah. Within three or four months, those friends of course that still haven't gone away, questioned the significane of our relationship. "What do you think of her? Do you love her? Are you going to spend the rest of your life with her?" And I, in a very vulnerable state, didn't know the answers to the questions. What I did know was that I never saw us breaking up. I never saw my life without her in it.
Our relationship wasn't without bumps and it was certainly with many conversations involving growing and learning together. In the first year of our relationship, there were five months where we weren't even in the same country because of our medical rotations. During this year when we were in the same town we lived in a studio apartment together on Cap Hill. What better way to know if you're compatible than to live in a 400-square foot room together?! But still we persisted and celebrated our 1-year anniversary at a friend's wedding in Minnesota where pictures that were taken of us eventually became our "Save-The-Date" card. Not to mention...The Spassmatics played at the wedding too. Not a coincidence. I'm convinced.
Instead of doing things in the traditional way, we decided to buy a house together. We went from living in a studio together to buying a house. Funny. Over time of course. (We did not do the Uhaul thing. Kind of, well, sort of...) We were in love! And we knew we were going to be together. It just felt natural. So we found the cutest little house in LoHi in September of 2009 and were moved in by October 23. Life was super-fantastic!
Shortly after moving in we planned a house-warming party for all our friends and family to come and see our humble little abode that we were so excited about. The events that followed were like someting out of a movie. It was just this pristine morning. Her sisters were there, my best friends were there, we were just this small intimate group. It was snowing outside and there was a Broncos game on-we were just enjoying the little family we had created. As party time arrived, our realtor and mortgage-broker showed up and I was wandering around the house showing them how we had settled in. I was in my comfy jeans and my "to-die-for" t-shirt and Marvin the Martian slippers when I realized that everybody was in the kitchen and Dayna was standing at the end of the hallway saying, "come here honey."
Me and my Marvin the Martian slippers scuffle down the hallway and I'm like "do do do" and I think, "how sweet, Tawny is going to take pictures!" So Dayna is like, "come here!" I get face-to-face with Dayna and am completely clueless and still do not realize everyone is in the kitchen with us. And Dayna says to me, "I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." She starts to get down on one knee and I say, "what are you doing?! What are you doing?!" And she says, "Will you marry me?!" and shows the ring in the classic fashion. And I just start crying and am speechless and she stands up and we hug and she asks, "so, uh, is that a yes?!" And I was like, "YES!!" Marvin the Martian slippers and all.
So less than a year later, we were married down on the Auraria Campus and we are still enjoying our cute little house in the Highlands. It's funny because I have been speaking to some friends about this-we have been married for five months now and coming up this spring we'll have been together for three years, and I'm just completely in awe at how perfectly hand crafted she is for me. We are both physician assistants, she's more calm, I'm more hyper. We talk nerdy to each other. We really, really complement each other. And there's no way to describe how perfect it all was and all is. Meeting your soul mate or "the one" is not always butterflies in your tummy and dreamy glances across the bar. It just is what it's supposed to be.
If I can give any sort of encouragement to any person of any gender, of any orientation, it is to spend time learning about yourself, learning how to take care of yourself, learning how to pursue your own dreams and desires so that when the time comes that your perfect match taps you on the shoulder, you've already taken care of the learning you need to do as a person and you can now learn together as a couple.
So when you feel yourself upset or jealous that someone took the girl you like or because you got turned down by the boy you wanted, step back and take time to work on your own growth and just let love happen. Because it will. I promise.
Johnna
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