My pops was my grandfather and he adopted me because my mom was 16 when she got pregnant and both adoption and teen pregnancy run in my family. He had already raised 5 kids of his own. He and his wife Elva adopted me and he had been the theater director at DU for years and years. He was a tenured professor there. He was kind of pressured by his parents because he originally was a pre med undergrad but switched  to theater half-way through college. I'm sure this got a rise out of his parents because he was born in the 30s and that was a risky move then.

He had a figure skating accident on the ice, broke his back and had a vertebrae removed. When I was born, I had to be in an incubator because I had amniotic fluid in my lungs and my dad, who hadn't adopted me yet (I was adopted when I was two), found God again. If I made it, he would go to church again he promised. He was the Chaplain of St. Anthony's and he helped everyone. He was the person who was trained to counsel and comfort a family when they lost someone. If someone died in a car crash, he was the one they called.

He received a lifetime achievement award from DU. If I remember correctly, he had died right before he got the award. He had back problems his life life from his accident, but he was very upbeat and didn't have a victim mentality. He was also a published writer and he wrote children's books as well as gay porn, separately of course.

When he was growing up, being gay was dangerous, it was not an option, it was considered a sickness. He had ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy) to try and cure himself and that doesn't work. Jump starting someone does not cure them of being gay. This was all before I was born.

He told me he was gay when I was young. I don't know how old I was but I was still in elementary school. When he told me, he was still in the closet, as much as a theater director and figure skater could be. He really loved his wife Elva and they both wanted a family. When he told me, he had his best friend, we called him Uncle Alan and he told me Uncle Alan was gay first, I think to gauge my reaction. And so when he told me, I'm not gonna say it was a big deal, but I was fine with it right away. Part of that was because I was so young and the idea of sexual orientation was so abstract. I understood what it meant.

At that point Elva was still alive. They didn't share a room and I'm sure it was very hard for her but she was a very accepting person. She was also a very religious person and a second grade teacher at a Catholic school. So I went to Catholic school for elementary school and the teachers were telling me my dad was a sin and homosexuality was evil. After Elva passed away in seventh grade I told my dad I would not be returning to this school.

When he came out after Elva died, he was like a horny 16-year old kid because he could finally be himself. We are all art collectors in my family and there was so much penis in my house growing up. When he died, we all had to take a penis because we think that's what he would have wanted.

So I should also mention that he was one of the founding members of the Colorado AIDs Project. He did a lot of hospice and counseling for people who were dying of AIDs. I used to ask him how he did the hospice and difficult work, and he said he knew he was doing something good. He was an activist. Even when he was in the closet, he was taking part in the community and helping people.

He started going to a church that changed my outlook on religion. It's called Dignity Denver and it's close to Congress Park. He told me later that he didn't believe in Heaven and Hell; but he loved the community and there were a lot of like minds there. He made a lot of friends there. I used to go to church with him there.

We transitioned from a 'letter of the law' where people mumbled along with the hymns to a church where people actually wanted to be there. I remember that people actually sang because they wanted to. Even if they couldn't carry a tune. I interviewed some of the priests that presided at the church because I had to do a report on a minority group for a college class, so I chose to research gay Christians. This group reminded me, even though I don't personally believe in most of the rhetoric, of how Christianity started when people had to meet underground. I think that Jesus would have preferred to have met with people like them.

Anyway, he definitely went through some hard times. He didn't have it easy. Part of that was his generation. He tried to take his life a couple of times. The fact remains that he was really sad and was struggling. I remember when Matthew Shepard was killed, and my dad had to go to the hospital when he found out because his blood pressure was so high that his nose wouldn't stop bleeding. He told me that he didn't wants kids to feel bad about who they were like he had, and he liked that the world was moving in a certain direction where gay was no longer considered an illness. When that happened to a kid, it was almost more than he could take.

I'm happy that he lived in a time where he could see some progress and change. We had some great conversations, me and my dad. We didn't dance around shit. One thing I loved the most and something I still go to if I am having an argument with someone and I am getting angry, my dad could always find a different solution. I think he got this from working in the arts because you have to be creative when you are a choreographer. When I'm in that situation, I think about him and what he would tell me to do. And it almost always works. It's funny because his name was Jerry so I guess I could say WWJD?

He started getting tattoos when he was 60 when I started tattooing to support me. He got all of these cool Celtic animals and then a squished fairy on his ass, which was kind of uncomfortable to tattoo. He told me that it really helped him with his job at the hospital because here was this old man in a wheelchair coming to talk to you and the tattoos were an ice-breaker, especially if there was an age difference.

I went to him all the time for advice when I started teaching because he was an art history teacher. I inherited his library when he passed away. It is my prized possession.

I was so stoked when Pride got moved to Father's Day for obvious reasons and I now take my daughters to Pride every year. My oldest, Sean, was really young and was asking about all of the rainbows and she asked if we were gay because we were celebrating the holiday. I said that I'm not and the jury is still out on you, but celebrating Cindo De Mayo does not make a person Mexican. Pride is a cool cultural holiday to celebrate and I told her grandpa Jerry was gay and a lot of our friends are. Sean is a pistol with that kind of shit. She has no tolerance for any form of racism or bigotry and I am very proud of her for that. One of Sean's friends is gay and his parents aren't cool with it. He was getting bullied at school and she has protected him like a mother lion. She told him that if he needs a place, he can stay with us.

My biological mom is still a huge part of my life, I mean we kind of grew up together. It was a very unselfish thing for her to give me up for adoption. But I think to take on another son at his age says a log about his character. I never doubted how much he loved me because he didn't have to do that. Both of my kids got to meet him before he passed away. I had never heard the song Sweet Violet before my second was born and I can still hear him sing it to her.

I had a hard time with my friends when I was young because I didn't think they would get it and he was still in the closet. When I got older, I really shed all of that and I still have one friend that told me that my dad changed his image of what gay was. I hate the word flamboyant, he was just Jerry. My friends only knew one stereotype of what a gay man was. I told myself that if my friends weren't okay with this, then we wouldn't be friends.

He was a very good person. He taught me to be very understanding of differences. I still have the AIDs awareness transvestite cowboy angel on my Christmas tree and we hang it every year and say hi to Jerry.

Ian