This is the story of how I met, loved, and lost the most amazing woman in the world.

Meeting her for the first time is still burned in my memory like a prominent scar. I remember the way she smelled, the way her hair fell perfectly from her high ponytail, and the way her eyes just seemed to look completely through me. It was from that moment that I knew she was going to change my life.

We started as best friends, and being together just became routine. There wasn't a day we didn't see each other, even if it was just for a few minutes. As I got to know her it became obvious that she was more than an amazing person; she was an angel. I fell for her, and I fell hard.

The problem with this fairytale is that she didn't reciprocate my feelings, or, she didn't know how. She knew I was gay, but we never spoke about the attraction that we both obviously felt. It was only in privacy that she would let me hold her, touch her, and show the inevitable affection I wanted to give her

Years passed, and our attraction only grew. We became passionate and severely in need of each other. Yet, she would still not admit to herself or anyone else of her sexuality. Yes it hurt that I could never tell the world how much I loved this woman, but I also loved her too much to push her.

I started to realize that it was getting too hard to keep my feelings to myself, so I created an elaborate plan. Back then, I played guitar for shows about once a week, and she was always up front and center. One night, for my last song, I looked out into the crowd and my eyes locked with hers.

I said, "This, this one, is for my heart."

I played her song I had secretly written, expressing how much she meant to me. I never said her name, or even used female pronouns. But she knew, she always knew.

The next day she told me she was leaving. She was moving away from me, from us, from everything she was afraid of. Listening to her say this to me, made my heart drop into my stomach.

I thought, "How could she do this? How could I lose the only thing I've ever cared for?"

My heart was leaving.

And she did, she left without even a glance. I was a complete wreck for months. I stopped singing, writing, working. I felt like I was already dead. Even though this woman was never "mine", I felt like I had lost my wife to some foreign world that would never give her back.

To this day, I still haven't heard from her. I have no idea where she is. Though the pain has subsided, I think of her frequently. But not to loathe or ask why, but to remember how grateful I am for her. She gave me some of the best years of my life. She let me understand what it meant to care for something more than myself. I can only hope that she has found her own happiness, whether it is with a man or a woman. The best advice I can give to those who have lost love, don't forget your past. You must have something to build your future on.

Hayley