The next day he calls me up, he's all like, "Just to let you know this isn't a date. This is just two people meeting up for lunch or dinner and we'll each be paying for ourselves. I'll be at Qdoba at 6:30." I remember vaguely telling him I'd be a little late and he told me, "Well if you're there or not, I'm just gonna get my meal. If I don't see you there, I don't see you there."
So me being the bitch I am. I decided to get in the shower and was like, "fuck it, I'm gonna take my sweet-ass time then!" And then I got dressed and made sure I looked cute enough. I show up at Qdoba, walk inside and he wasn't fucking there. So I was starting to panic a little bit and I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't have taken my time because he wasn't there. I turned to leave and he walked in.
It was really cold at first and he didn't really respond, didn't make eye contact and it was very awkward feeling. So we sat down and we were eating and I don't remember what we were talking about but we seemed to click. I do remember that I cracked a joke about one of the bus boys and it was comical. What was comical was that the bus boy took out this big ole trash can and it splattered all over the floor. We just kind of laughed and joked about it.
Then he was talking about the movies he liked and it turns out we had similar interests. He brought up the whole idea of having sex and being tested and my status and I told him I was negative and that my last partner was and that it wasn't really something that I was concerned about.
After dinner he asked me to get some alcohol with him at the liquor store next door. So we both go to the store and we're looking at the alcohol and I told him I wasn't going to buy anything because I didn't have my ID on me and he's looking around and he realizes he doesn't have his ID either. We were both completely embarrassed and he was like "well I have my ID on my phone, do you think that will work?" I said no.
So we just left. I remember going home and we exchanged some pictures and then we set up another date to hang out at my house to watch a movie. (Something that was intended to be completely innocent but ended up being not-so-innocent...) It started off with just some cuddling and it was still very awkward between us-there was a lot of uncertainty. Typically I won't ask if I can kiss someone but I asked if I could kiss him and he just started laughing at me. He made some condescending comment and said that it was fine and I could kiss him. So we kissed and it was very enjoyable and things got very fun.
The next day after we had messed around he was in a nervous panic. He kept asking if there was anything he needed to worry about and he went and got tested. So I saw the urgency and went and got tested and made sure to get an expensive test. But the results of this test took 2 weeks to get back. Within the first week when we were hanging out we would start kissing and it would get all hot and heavy and I could tell it was killing him because he wanted it to go further but he wouldn't let it happen. So after about a week of waiting he offered to pay for a quicker test for me. I agreed and picked him up from school and then we went to the clinic which ended up being a funny story.
While Justin was putting money in the meter, I was talking with the doctor and she began asking me all the routine questions. I told her I had no reason to be worried and she asked me why then all the urgency. I told her I was dating Justin and then she laughed and said "oh."
Justin comes back into the clinic and we're in the meeting room together and I'm laughing with the doctor, joking back and forth about the studies that have been done and Justin has obvious panic on his face and he just starts to explain his worry with previous incidents he's had. The doctor told us there was no reason for me to be tested since I had another test in the works but I looked at her and said, "no no no, we need to do this!" She had brought up building trust and I replied, "that's all good and well, but right now this is what we need to do and we'll work on trust later." She could see how panicked Justin was and agreed to give me the test.
The test came back obviously negative and Justin and I met up later after his final and he expressed how grateful he was that I would do that for him. A couple of days after that we agreed that we were going to be exclusive with one another since we were both negative and then about three days later he gives me this whole schpeel about how this was his first serious gay relationship and he still had feelings for women and asking me if we should not be together. I told him, "quit being an idiot because we're not getting married. It is the beginning of our relationship and we're still trying to figure things out."
About a week later we decided to combine two of our "wants" together. He wanted to get drunk together and I wanted to take the LightRail. He took me to this old restaurant that his family went to when he was a kid. They took him there all the time-it was a very special place for him. He bought me a couple of drinks and didn't really hesitate about giving me anything. He was very sweet and made it all about me.
After that we went and hit up some more bars and got more drinks along the road to get to the LightRail, and then we got to Union Station and there was no one there and he stops me and we start making out. Ridiculous! We're just hand in hand walking around this huge-ass fence trying to get to the LightRail and when we finally got there, we took it back. I had my feet up next to him and he would try to tickle them. We got home, watched a couple of movies and did our typical make-out-thing.
And then right before I was getting ready to take him home, he starts up the conversation about his feelings and his struggles. He basically made a comment that this wasn't a real relationship and he asked me if I thought it was and I told him, "yes. I whole-heartedly do." I dropped him off at home and I was okay, but really sad. We had decided to hang out again the next day and he called me up the next morning as soon as he woke up and said, "oh my god Chase forget everything I said! I was completely drunk!" So I didn't really know what that meant and when I went to pick him up for the movie, I didn't greet him with the usual kiss. We drove about a block away from his house and he asked me, "why didn't I get my kiss?!" I told him, "I didn't think you wanted to be kissed by me still" and he said, "no I still do. It's just really complicated for me right now." I said, "I know, but be chill, it will be fine." We got to Dave N Buster's and he bought my dinner and my drinks, and anything I wanted. Then he went and paid for the expensive IMAX 3D movie tickets for Tron.
After that night we were really back on track and a little bit more in tune with one another. Over the next couple of weeks he started divulging more information to me-issues he's had with his family and his past experiences and he also started letting me know more of his feelings. He started trusting me more and there weren't a lot of issues between us.
Recently his sister had a baby and it was discovered that the baby daddy was cheating on her the whole time, which brought up a lot of trust issues for Justin and he wanted to be reassured that I would never cheat on him. I told him, "there's not much I can really say to make you trust me. You need to build that trust from within by the actions I've shown you." He accepted this as an answer and then I suggested buying roses for his sister because she was going through such a shitty time. He tells me, "hell no! That bitch doesn't need no flowers! You haven't even gotten me flowers!"
I tossed this idea around in my head and I had gotten out of class, it was around 9 o'clock one night. While I was buying cough drops I saw some roses there, relatively cheap, but nice looking roses. I got him a card too, telling him how much I felt about him and our relationship. When I left the store, I called him and asked him if he was home. He was, so I told him I was going to come over. He got very confused and wanted to know why, so I told him that I just needed to talk to him about something, knowing full well that this would torture him. He proceeded to call me, but I ignored the phone call and then he sent me a text message asking if he would "be upset about this?" I replied, "I don't know." So I got another text demanding, "call me right now!" And of course, I ignored that message too.
I pull up to his house and I call him but it immediately goes to his voicemail, but I can see his big ole head sitting in the window. I texted him and tell him to "come out and talk to me." He comes out all solemn, looks down, looks at me innocently and I hand him the card and say, "this should explain everything, but just in case it doesn't..." and I reached behind me and grabbed the roses that were hidden there and said, "...this should explain the rest of it." His face lit up! And I said, "let's go drive for a bit." He gave me a little bit of shit for working him up like I had and he told me that that was the first time he had ever been given flowers before.
A few days later I got super sick and he didn't hesitate to take me to Urgent Care. He sat there for 2 hours while I had an IV in my hand, coughing up a storm. This act of caring and patience exemplifies what a sweet guy he is. Along with taking care of me of my death bed, he is so thoughtful in general and will send me random text messages saying, "thinking of you" or "xoxo" throughout the day.
Relationships aren't easy, they take a lot of work. They are always going to be a lot of work and that's why you have to be in the right mindset and maturity level. You don't have to settle in a relationship, but there is a way to compromise and learn to get to know each other. Don't give up when the road gets rough because who knows what you maybe missng out on.
Chase
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